Watching The Underground Comedy Movie

 Way back when I used to frequent the bottom 100 on IMDb and Wikipedia's "Worst Films of All Time" article. When it comes to the worst movie of all time I've always been curious to how one such film could accomplish it, but since this was earlier on I couldn't find footage or reviews though that has since changed. I finally got to see what The Maize was like, I not only saw the 2010 Alice in Wonderland commercial but I did a deep dive of it, but there was one film I've always been curious about. The Underground Comedy Movie.

The film had been floating on Wikipedia's article for quite some time and I knew very little about it. Earliest I saw there wasn't even a picture of a poster, but one had since been put on it along with some additional details, or I had actually bothered to read it in full. For a long time I only had the article to go off of and some random clips that weren't even necessarily part of the movie. And now that I'm here, there's an opportunity for me to seize, but in due time.

Of all people to thank for this movie, remember ShamWow, more specifically the ShamWow guy Vince Offer? Yep. By day he's a salesman but by night he's an edgelord comedian, but why speculate when details show that he is indeed off his nut, and no I'm not going to like those nuts. I feel like Vince is on a mission to become as hated as possible, but let's forget about how comedians are just using comedy as an excuse to act a fool, the year is 1999, no true standard was set, let's get right into... some behind the scenes crap.

History

At the very least Vince was no stranger to the genre. In the past Vince was the host of a public access comedy show, one that would serve as the basis for the movie and whose skits would appear in it. And hell, given his presence as a salesman that's acting right there. I'm just saying, Vince is at least more qualified than directors who came into it from a wildly different field, saying that in a vacuum.

While the film was incredibly low profile it managed to get some relatively big names, including Michael Clarke Duncan, Slash, Gena Lee Nolan and Joey Buttafuoco, I mean big if you happened to watch David Letterman at the time. The details are a little much, but best I can sum up is that he got famous for getting with a minor, a minor that shot his wife. Look up the Long Island Lolita because that's a story I'm not gonna tell.

So you're probably wondering how Vince was able to book relatively known names. On one hand most of these actors are either known for their seedy or edgy pursuits, or their spotlight had faded and they're looking for work anywhere they can get. It's a big reason why you see big name voice actors in low quality projects, their paycheck is abysmal. But back to the other hand, Vince at the time was a scientologist and used that connection to try and book actors, but that's just a theory, I'm just basing it off of how the animator behind Rapsittie Street Kids got the cast he did due to being a scientologist that attended the same church as Nancy Cartwright.

Of course the most controversial thing about this film did not center on its content but rather legal issues. A funny one dealt with Vince attempting to sue the Farrelly brothers over them allegedly copying a scene Vince did in this movie for There's Something About Mary, it went absolutely nowhere and I guess Vince was just looking for as much quick cash as he can. I only say funny because the Farrellys would go on to direct a similar movie in 2013, Movie 43, another one of the worst movies of all time. It's all just a bunch of bologna.

Another suit dealt with Vince suing an actor, Anna Nicole Smith, that had agreed to appear but backed out seemingly at the last minute. I wouldn't say she had a fruitful career in the film industry, and I mean Duncan had roles since this one, also there's the matter of how many people even saw the movie but we'll get to that. Also, Smith had passed on in 2007. Rest in peace.

Among other actors that appeared in this include Bobby Lee, aka that guy from Mad TV aka that guy who groped another one on a podcast hosted by Logan Paul, can't believe that's all connected. The rest of the cast consists of those who would go on to play bit roles in various shows, most of which I'm unfamiliar with but good they're still getting work. As far as writing go while Vince was at the helm, he had received assistance from a man named Dante. I had assumed it was a pseudonym, but it turns out that's the stage name of a comedian. It's interesting how those credited here with a single name either had long careers or information is readily available.

I can't even call this a career killer, given that very few people even saw this movie. The Underground Comedy Movie netted a $500,000 budget, but it only made back $856. Doing a little math, and I do mean a little, movie tickets back then cost around five dollars, oh what a time, so dividing the gross against the ticket prices, it seems only a few hundred people went to see it.

But let's be fair, given the nature of this movie and that Vince had to do a bulk of the promoting and backing himself this movie was doomed to bomb. The movie was said to have premiered in only one theater, and trailers only played during overnight hours on Comedy Central and MTV. Adding onto that I can infer that the film got an NC-17 rating, no persons under 17 admitted, and that a wide release was out of the question. A rule of thumb when it comes to NC-17 movies, if it's a comedy, it's essentially porn.

So what distributor took the piss and released it? A company called Phaedra Cinema, one that specialized in independent film distribution. Another film they released was South of Heaven, West of Hell, a film spearheaded by country singer Dwight Yokham, interesting fact.

As far as reviews go, the movie received a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes. The only positive reviews or indications I could find come from Film Threat, to the point a snippet from their review turned up on the poster, which makes perfect sense given how much of a goon the owner is. Chris Gore is the kind of guy that laughs at dick jokes unironically.

Due to the nature of this movie, clips of it are hard to find. Home media releases were slim to none due to Vince's financial issues. However in recent years Vince himself was gracious enough to post a trailer for the film on his YouTube channel, giving people an idea on what the film was like, and I can sum it up like this.

The trailer gives away the full intent. There's no statement to be made, no deeper meaning, it's just there to offend people. Typically if someone declares something to offend, it's not going to and the actions are desperate at best. But maybe I'm exaggerating, I'm offended by it. The basic nature of the jokes so far is incredibly offensive, I came to be offended goddamnit.

But that's just going by the trailer. Since then the entire film had been put on YouTube, given that it's not on streaming and who in their right mind would enforce the copyright? Phaedra's out of business, the only other company with any information behind it is Square One Entertainment, which based on where the site had redirected (least for a time) is definitely a Vince venture, why else would it go on to be involved in the sequel I won't mention yet? Vince owned not one but two production companies involved with this, the other being BOP Productions, short for Best Offer Productions. Just felt like sharing that, breaking down the illusion more than one person wanted to put money into this.

So with that said, I know the movie's bad and that it's gonna nothing but dull edges. The question is how bad is it and will I manage to get through all 92 minutes of it? I'm gonna share the details as I see them, well, save for the more graphic ones, if you know you know. All I can be grateful for is that this was years before the first Trump era and thus I don't have to worry about, once more if you know you know.

Let's begin

Three seconds in and I'm presented with the first red flag. The movie stressing that it's a satire. Maybe back then I would've fallen for it, but at least these days people have used satire as a defense to say whatever dumb shit they wanted. They know its bad and they scramble for whatever they could use to get away with it. You could argue the satire applies to the film making fun of certain things or spinning on established properties, but that's shallow at best, and I doubt this film is trying to prove or expose anything, body parts don't count. I'm so confounded I can't tell if the narrator is Chinese or a guy trying to do racist humor.

The movie flashes a "Warning, guaranteed to offend" disclaimer afterwords. Guy, I came to this movie because I wanted to be offended not gaslit. Seems even they knew the warning's full of shit since they play audio of people leaving the theater. Just saying, not even South Park went this route, they let their offensiveness speak for itself and had enough faith in the audience to get offended. Only way I'm leaving the theater is if I get a refund.

Our first scene proper has a guy wandering into a rat infested cave. Ha get it, he's underground. I'm gonna assume it's Vince, he has that unmistakable face. There is a little stalling at first, but to some credit it was building up to something, a reference to a notable moment with Marylin Monroe, can you guess which one? Basically turning on a fan beneath a subway grate and you know, you know. But we're back to the negatives as Vince just jacks off, and I do mean just. He apparently liked this scene so much he would revisit it in the future, and I don't just mean in his off time, and I don't mean with the camera footage he takes there after. All I get from this is that Vince is more horny than Bob Forward; here's a hint, think about She-Hulk in 1996.

We then get our intro, a motorcycle ride set to Soul Doubt by NOFX, one of two highlighted musical performers throughout this movie. Nothing says punk like playing on a shitty movie helmed by a TV salesman, I mean I get punk is intent on rebelling against the common norms of society, at bit like how this film rebels against the common norms of comedy so... the inclusion makes too much sense. Anyhow it's here we get the cast crawl and girls paid to think Vince and his biker buddies are worth saying hi to. I'd be saying this no matter my views. Then comes Joey Buttafuco's credit, and I could swear I hear a mid to late-90s David Letterman coming.

Seeing Slash's credit, I'm beginning to think that as crazy as Axl Rose was he had standards. I'd say this movie was the straw that broke Guns n' Roses' back but that was years before.

Suddenly motorcycles become bicycles, I just gotta ask what the joke is here? I'd get it if we've seen them from the waste up and once we move down we see they weren't riding motorcycles, am I supposed to be offended by the sudden change of vehicles?

The framework behind this movie is that Vince watches television and finds a number of "offensive" programs to watch, intercut with random footage. I'm gonna assume the rocket taking off and the elephant's trunk is intended to be a dick joke. The first skit is the poster shot, er, what is in the poster occurs in the movie. I must admit it's quite offensive, the narrator claims I'll never see it, when it's right there plain as day. And what's there are celebrities taking a shit.

I would talk about how dumb toilet humor is, but Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle would take this concept and do it a hell of a lot better. A problem with jokes like these is that the writers expect people to laugh at the absurdity alone, much like how Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer expected people to laugh at point blank pop culture references. There has to be more to a joke than just what's on the surface, it's a big reason why toilet humor is dying, if it hasn't taken its last shit yet. Only decent thing is that Vince didn't have the girls spread eagle for him, at least not on camera.

For the next batch of commercials Vince has a case of butterfingers where he accidentally switches off the next sketch before returning to it again. Guess he couldn't find anything interesting about dinosaurs killing each other. They do a joke where it looks like one of the main characters in the sketch enters a bank, but it turns out it's a sperm bank. Honestly the most shocking thing they could've done was have him go into an actual money bank, something mundane to throw off those expecting edginess at every minute.

They do call attention to this though, he thought he was walking into a money bank... then they ruin it by having him settle for sperm, which I'm gonna assume he means from the woman, straight from the woman at the counter because that's the calibre of humor we're dealing with here. Alright what else we got, a guy who couldn't ejaculate but is turned on by this joker looking ass, though his schtick isn't comedy it's poetry. Only plus I can say for this is that things didn't escalate, because I would've seen it coming, heh get it, come. The people don't care, then it goes to a high speed foot chase, set to the first instance I hear Guttermouth, them and NOFX being credited by name at least as far as the Wikipedia entry.

And it just goes on and on, until the pursuing cop gets shot and dies in a 30% convincing way. Then the Rhymer finds some crooks getting patted down and he kills two out of three. And yes, one gets shot in the dick, bet you saw that coming. But just a reminder, we're dealing with a Joker parody, so you know what that means?

Batman, or in this case, the one who goes up to bat. I should be relieved that this is the most sensible choice Vince could make, but I'm just asking how is this guaranteed to offend anyone? If you really wanna piss people off, just portray Superman in any light other than his usual one, it'd be hilarious, or at least more hilarious than right now

Batman confronts a woman after the Rhymer threw a briefcase into her shopping cart, and she turns out to be a homophobe. She gets her ass handed to her, but given the rest of the skits after this Vince has plenty of opportunities to kill that level of good faith. But first, heh, wouldn't it be funny if Batman let the Rhymer get away and assumed the woman was the crook the entire time? No? Well no shit that's what happened.

The Rhymer would go on to cause mayhem, punching people he sees. As this is a reference to the Adam West Batman series you get to see those comic book blurbs appear every time someone gets it, well in theory as they only appear every other hit. But to be fair even the original series was inconsistent with that. Batman would be directed to the Rhymer, making sure to knock out people again while turning holding his bat outwards, because that's basic level comedy, comedy that transcends time and space because suddenly it's tomorrow.

Anyway, Rhymer gets that old woman in Batman's radar and he knocks her head clean off her body, clean as in there's no blood and it still remains alive, well, long enough to get mauled by dogs, and thus it's a to be continued, in theory.

Next we get a Baywatch parody, and I'm already expecting disappointment. Baywatch has plenty of material to parody, and I can already tell he's gonna fuck it up somehow. Guess he wanted to skip the 'boring part' so we get some extreme sport montages before returning to our regularly scheduled airquoted comedy, complete with a casualty, a young boy casualty. Think this'll be about incompetent lifeguards? Pssh, no, of course it's about tits. I'm not gonna act like Baywatch isn't guilty of scant cladding, but that's the most obvious route you can go in a parody.

The way this is edited I swear Vince is fighting against two personalities, one wants to switch away, hence going back to the extreme sports before getting back to Boob Watch. If you're looking for boobs, either the copy I'm watching edited them out or Vince wanted to give people blueballs, or maybe he's offending those who wanted something more sexual. Only offensive thing here is a man who looks like he's waiting for his cue to act like he's getting eaten by a shark. Looks like the David Hasselhoff stand-in is too busy looking at the girls to give a shit. Best I could guess is that it saying how lifeguards are incompetent and easily distracted, but that's just being overly generous. I just wanna reiterate that I wanna see where people are going when it comes to their movies, that way I could say I get it, I just don't like it. 

Before I move on, allow me to suggest another Baywatch parody, Son of the Beach, if you can find it, and I only bring it up because it was executive produced by Howard Stern of all people.

Next sketch, Virgin Hunter. It's building up to be a slasher, but the seconds are rendered painful by one's heavy breathing. Take some Allegra dude. Anyway, it doesn't turn out to be a horror movie, more of a horror show as a guy named Bill just prattles on trying to flirt, either farting or blowing raspberries as a naked guy begins wandering around. Only scary thing is Bill being from Anaheim, where evil was born, and by evil I mean Ronald Reagan.

For once I'm stumped, is the joke that this started as a horror parody, but soon after we're left in near constant suspense? Is it a commentary on how people from Orange County are backwards? Maybe that's offensive, only because I know Orange County knows better, because they did not vote for Donald Trump once.

My reward for not turning off the movie after that... that, is going back to Batman. Oh look Rhymer's visiting a young unassuming girl, where the fuck is that gonna go? But first, the laziest Shining reference I've ever seen, and I hate that movie. The old lady's alive and I'm not gonna question it, who do you think I am, circa 2010s FilmBrain? Also Batman's here and as befuddled as ever. A swordfight breaks out between him and the old lady, cane against a dildo. Can't believe I can make a connection to Ben and Arthur that also had a dildo in it, thank you Kyle Norty.

So as it would turn out, Batman was ignoring Rhymer for a reason. They're related. I haven't been this shocked at a sudden twist since I learned of a society that forbade people with black hair. Also apparently Rhymer got disfigured and kid him managed to take enough time for a dramatic reveal. Why did they play baseball indoors near a fireplace? What, and ruin the plot?

After Batman is challenged to strike a home run by Rhymer, he beefs it by knocking it into his mouth, and when distracted the old woman knocks him out, and that's the end of this vignette. I mean, there was a payoff, I got to understand why things happened this way. So far if I had to pick one segment that didn't drive me up a wall this one was okay.

Anyway, one top up sex scene and wacky Hitler cameo later, Michael Clarke Duncan as a gay virgin getting pressured by a sex pest. But at least in this case no means no as Michael manages to shut his ass up, and I don't mean with the eleventh finger. Sometimes you gotta savor moments that you think would go a certain way but don't.

Next stop is a parody of Randy Newman's I Love L.A., complete with some hints of transphobia, proof that Vince can't sing and beef with Baywatch and David Hasselhoff that could've led to a much better Baywatch parody if he gave a shit, that's as much as I'm gonna say on that. I don't like LA as much as the next guy but... you know what fuck it, goes to show how much hate lies in Vince's soul.

Karate, orgies, Long Island scum and a lame ass movie parody complete with more horribly out of date trans jokes. I'm offended by how bland and unfunny these jokes are, people just look at the surface more than anything and everything else is so void of substance that I can't help but over-fixate on these things. Who wants to hear a mockery of Marlon Brando's voice, for the millionth time?

At this rate I'm just waiting until something is worth bringing up, this movie is boring as hell, and when a movie is boring the worst aspects stick out like a sore thumb, like Vince wanting to replace meat in spaghetti with fetuses. It seems like the Godmother has some restraint, until she agrees to a fetal substitute. I'm gonna assume this is parodying scenes from the Godfather movies, because I have no idea what the hell is going on, but Vince thinks we do since he's just dragging this shit out. But I'm just gonna pretend this was set up for a joke where he changes the channel out of boredom.

One flash at the beach later we're back with Michael, I was wondering when any good faith I had the first time I saw him was gonna have its neck snapped. Luckily it doesn't culminate in the you know you know, but something tells me he's saving it, like Michael's saving himself.

Back to the Godmother and the conversation's still going. I mean in theory this can be funny, it didn't make me laugh but I can see how it can be considered humorous. But this would be ruined by the lack of a proper buildup. If the Godmother sat silent and just exploded due to how long this went on there'd be a payoff at least. Hell, the guy with the rifle either offing himself or them would at least be in line with this film's style. Hell shoot me, this movie is that fucking boring right now.

There's an offer he can't refuse reference, and Vince name-drops himself. Wonder what a Vince offer would be in this case, and if it's anything like the cure for insomnia I've been dealing with beforehand. I didn't mention it beforehand but the Godmother here is Jewish, because the next scene has a plate of ham in a Jewish man's bed, and that's it.

Godzilla reference, not that I wanna watch any Godzilla movie, I'd throw shade but once is enough. Then some freehand camera footage of a man touching himself, then our next segment. The Adventures of Dickman. Times like these I'm glad I don't always include pictures in these blogs. What do you get when you cross a man driving a truck full of toxic waste, an elephant and a meteor? You tell me. By this point Vince graduated to making fun of lesbians with a hint of a pro-life message, oh no, the only way to salvation is in the hands of a complete and utter creep.

To sum it up, this is essentially a pornographic Superman parody, but it's more like an 80-20 split. If nothing else this just reaffirms my asexuality. Nobody's turning me on here, boredom notwithstanding. It ends on a "we'll be right back" note, and at this rate I'm gonna stop bringing up the in-between stuff, unless of course there's anything worth bringing up.

Another thing I'll never see, oh wait nevermind there it is. Basically setting up a wholesome premise of a hot woman dating a poor man, but don't worry I'm sure he's gonna hit us with something painfully unfunny soon, and that pain comes after the segment.

Next up, Vince doing ebonics and dressing in a negative stereotypical black fashion. In general you know you're unfunny or out of date as hell if you even entertain the idea of it. On the segment, Vince shoots a Klansman, may the Klan burn in flames I just wish a better human being pulled that trigger in this scene. I don't know what's worse, this or when Sarah Silverman did legit blackface years ago, yes it was portrayed as wrong in that episode but still, better ways to go about confronting racism and discrimination, let's put it like that.

Anyway next we get footage of the OJ Simpson trial, keep it in mind. But first, Slash makes an appearance, hammered and all, guess he was having some serious regrets he needed to wash away. He's hosting a beauty pageant for unsightly women who otherwise represent another stab at LA. The rest is just nothing happening as everyone awkwardly tries to move things along, and anything that does happen feels like more of the same. I'm gonna take a nap, I'll let you know if anything interesting happens.

Okay, about an eternity later, next sketch is a therapy section, one I felt like singling out because it would be kept in mind by Vince, and I may be seeing it again given how haphazard the seconds are becoming, it just set in. Back to the Michael segment, or at least one area that was randomly cut to in the second, it turns out this is an entirely different one. Flirty Harry, and already there's a strong showing for homophobia and transphobia. I say this not in an "I'm offended" way but more like "This was a sign of the times and this is just predictable and boring."

But as Flirty Harry delivers the expected twist on that one Clint Eastwood line, we go back to the therapy one. Right now I wanna take a moment to point out that the guy playing the therapist here also appeared in the Godmother. Just wanted to share that. I can only assume he's just picturing the depraved tale the lady's telling him, for now.

Back to Flirty Harry, dead baby joke, gay jokes long buried, bullet up the ass, then it looks like that's over with. By the way, I'm nearing the hour mark, just a minute and 44 seconds left if credits are included. I made it this far, so I'd be a fool to just drop out now. And remember how I said the therapy section was just him picturing what the lady's telling him? That's it, that's the entire segment, until I eat my words for the hundredth time. American Dad did something similar to this ages ago, but they did it better, for one thing it's a hell of a lot shorter and more spontaneous.

Okay I wasn't gonna bring it up, but there's a recurring segment about the guy I said was feeling himself. Unless this is building to something I'm gonna assume Vince is using this as dirt on somebody.

Oh god another Virgin Hunter segment, more of the same so I'm just gonna focus on how I'm a little over an hour in now. A little over half an hour to go, and bar any returning segments only two remain. Next is The Porno Review. Guess. Sleazy guys reviewing sleazy material. Could've worked as an after hours show on the Playboy channel, preferably with anyone but Vince because with his sense of humor he'd make Hugh Hefner wretch.

So, reviewing porno, edgy comedy, and the first one on the chopping block features Asians, what do you think is gonna happen? This is where Bobby Lee comes in, and he's the kind of person with no shame so don't hold this over his head, he may go for round 2. And... it's a porn review alright, complete with a quality measurement. For now here's a funny little tidbit. One of the actors in this, Joe Shapiro, has a Wikipedia article that redirects to a tell-all book critical of the Trump administration.

Going into the next porno, that segment I singled out, turns out it was building to something, we were watching parts of the flick or just seeing the players occur throughout the clip breaks. If I had quit the movie sooner I would've never known that, nor would I have seen a mailman with the worst case of acne I've ever seen. Anyhow, this is a necrophilia-centered porn, and even when things show they're mundane by comparison to everything else. This gets messy, not because of any fluids flying around but because it looks like they threw in the trailer before the porno, the haphazard editing strikes again.

The film's runtime is 88 minutes, that's an hour and 28 minutes. The upload I'm watching is an hour and 32 minutes. My point is that the uploader did not have to cut any of the footage, I'm seeing it as it's supposed to be, and again it's a mess. I feel nothing, they're just dragging this out as if Vince wants an air of discomfort to hang over our heads, but it doesn't. All I get is seeing a scarab beetle crawl out of a corpse's mouth, and then it just sorta ends.

Most I can say is the banter's the most passable thing here, if only because Vince has seen more than a few pornos his life and has that one best friend who just parrots along. Next is a Swan Lake parody. Guys in tutus, Vince must've been on the floor laughing when he thought of that. Nothing else of worth bringing up aside from them beating off into a lake, gotta get that title relevance down. Don't worry it's fake, because there's no way in hell anyone can produce cum like that, they can't even cum to the action in this film. Anyway I'm calling bullshit on the rating they gave it, compared to the other ones this was the most boring, even worse that the guy got off to his own sister.

Alright, nearing the last segment listed on the movie's Wikipedia page. This one centers on a jury process, and amazingly they call back to that OJ Simpson clip. Joke here is six white jurors and six black jurors. The black jurors declare Simpson guilty, the white ones say not guilty and an argument breaks out, then the white jurors change their vote. Regardless of the context, evidence points to him as being the culprit. Of all the skits this is among one of the more restrained ones, and fortunately one of the quicker ones.

But with that said there's still fourteen minutes left. After cutting back to scenes from skits we've already scene, we get one more Michael scene and one more confrontation. Michael submits but fortunately it's not on darker terms. He just settles since the guy is half Puerto Rican and then like everything else it just sorta ends. Maybe if this was a post credit scene it would've been funny, I dunno.

Twelve minutes left, we get a fourth wall break where one guy pitches an idea for a conclusion, then he calls over his wife, a literal pig, over. Vince would try to figure out how to end this movie, settling on featuring someone famous toward it, then after the meet-up there's a montage of surfing, both literal surfing and Vince moto-surfing.

Getting closer to the finish Vince does a dedication to fans of the public access show that served as the basis for this movie, clips of it appearing throughout and the end footage being based on what appeared on said show by the way. Then it returns to the guy in the underground, the fan still on and shock of all shocks the Marylin stand-in got off to the wind, and... delivers. Vince tells a so-so pun, snatches a rat and leaves the cave, and that's it. It's finally over, except it isn't. Mid-credit scenes up the ass, and I have to deal with more of Bobby Lee, well, Bobby Lee as played by co-writer Dante. Best guess this is the most Dante contributed to the film overall.

But we end off with one last scene. An outtake where a coast guard scolds Vince and the actors for filming without a permit. Guess Vince wanted to put in every last piece of footage in this, waste not want not. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I liked the credit cookies in The Master of Disguise better, for one thing they weren't as repetitive. Cut out the Bobby Lee bullshit and leave that outtake though. There is an acknowledgement to the Farrelly brothers and Vince's failed lawsuit. Vince claims they had a promotional copy of his film, but unless the Farrellys lived in Vince's neck of the woods this lawsuit was never gonna get far.

And that's it, it's over.

Thoughts

To put it simply, I didn't feel turned on, I didn't feel like laughing, I just felt bored. So very bored. I've been curious about this movie for a very long time, reviews I've found never showed any footage (but I can't blame them), and if the opportunity came I'd check the movie out to see what gives. I have a high tolerance for bad movies, hell some movies deemed the worst I actually kinda enjoyed. But this movie, holy shit.

Any time I was offended I was being ironic. Sure I singled out moments that can be considered grossly out of date, but that's because I had to. I don't approve of anything here, at most I just found sketches that turned out to be not as bad as others and at least most of the random scenes were building up to something.

The big issue here is that the movie did not deliver on its guarantee to offend. Nothing here is offensive, at most edgelordy and cringe, and at the same time it's not offensively terrible but that just makes it worse. Anything that happened here I'm bound to have seen or at least heard about somewhere else, this is a by-the-numbers edgy 90s production that goes to show how drained the well is on this side of comedy.

First and foremost it's a comedy, and they fumbled hard. It's not just being unfunny, it's that random things are thrown about on the expectancy that the idea is funny in and of itself. It isn't. But if I had to throw a bone to Vince he at least didn't rely solely on pop culture references, there was a semblance of an original idea within these hokey parodies, more than I could say for the average Seltzerberg movie.

And to think all of this was based on a public access show few people even heard about. Maybe if it was an overnight show that aired on Comedy Central people would've give a shit. He had to pay out of pocket for the most part to get this made, get the actors involved and even get a screening deal of any kind, and yet I can't respect that grind because the end product is enough to turn people away. Maybe at best those who went to see it were young boys who snuck in to see it, gotta assume.

I've been alluding to this, but Vince would not just settle for one movie. After carrying on as a salesman he would eventually decide to produce a sequel to this movie, well sorta. It originally began as a remake of the original film, bringing back various segments from this film along with bigger dregs of society, InAPPropriate Comedy, a film that may potentially be worse than this one, showing that Vince's comedy had yet to evolve.

Funny detail on that film, it came out the same year as Movie 43, directed by the Farrellys, and in many respects it was considered worse than Movie 43. First they made something equally as reviled as The Underground Comedy Movie, but then Vince tops them in crap factor, real circle of life shit right there.

And yeah, this movie deserves the rep it got, as a mind numbingly boring experience that doesn't even accomplish what it set out to do. Not the worst movie I've seen but it's definitely up there.

LTA: Battle for Bikini Bottom Rehydrated

SpongeBob SquarePants Battle for Bikini Bottom is one of many underdog 3D platformers. When it comes to licensed games there is a low expectation to be met let's face it. The best licensed games, least at the time, showed that you could do a whole lot more with a license, BfBB felt like a legit platformer and its reputation could not be understated.

About the only negative thing I could say about it was that Mrs. Puff knew Patrick by name. Just wanted to put that out there.

Anyhow, to show how beloved BfBB became, it achieved what few other licensed titles could. A second life on modern (at the time) consoles. This came about after the game's publisher THQ was resurrected, sorta, as THQ Nordic, and they were looking to go through IPs under their control. Perhaps starting small or with something that already has an audience is the best way to go. While something like Super Mario 3D AllStars where it was essentially a glorified emulator for 3D Mario titles, or Sonic Adventure DX and Sonic Adventure 2 Battle where it was a port of the Dreamcast titles but with some additions or graphical face lifts, BfBB was gonna be something entirely different.

It was gonna be a remake. Now you'd think oh, this could be great. There was aspects that didn't make it to the final version of the original, maybe they can bring it to life. Well, just to get this out of the way it wasn't gonna happen. It was an entirely new developer working off of what was already completed. The game would be developed by THQ Nordic's Purple Lamp division, one of their earliest projects. Since then it appears that Purple Lamp has built up a solid resume, having also developed a remake of Epic Mickey which appears to have gained better reception than the original Wii game. Their work on this remake would lead them to work on the latest SpongeBob game The Cosmic Shake, which received mixed reviews, but who knows maybe it's good.

Now, why did I take so long to get to this game? I didn't own anything that could play it. I bought this on Steam then realized that my OS couldn't run it. I just got a Switch and this was among the short list I had in mind for games. I had been curious about this remake for a while, and if I were to ever get my hands on it I'd see if my impressions would be just.

Initial Impressions

When I first learned of the remake, I was just amazed that an old licensed game was getting this kind of treatment. Now look, I'm all for giving attention to games that deserve it. But in this situation, lest it's just an emulation of an old game, why not save the remakes for games that really deserve it? I.e., games that came out bad for whatever reason and would be given a chance to be good, show players how it was supposed to be. Revenge of the Flying Dutchman is the kind of game that really deserves a remake, especially given what the developers had gone through. Not even just SpongeBob, games like Crash Twinsanity or Sonic 06, where a good game is somewhere beneath the bugs. Lest fans wanna pull the weight like with Sonic P-06. Want something done you gotta do it yourself sometimes.

Right off the bat it looked as though Rehydrated - end of the full title and will be said as such for simplicity - was gonna primarily feature cosmetic changes, the big one being the character animations, but when we get there. For a time it looked as though Rehydrated was overshadowing the original game, and with such relevance and that version being at the forefront, it had better live up to the hype.

Whenever I got to play the game, I'd have as much of the original game in mind to see what has changed between either version

Playing the Game

Right off the bat, Rehydrated featured a number of cosmetic changes. They definitely adapted the original game faithfully, though there were certain changes. For example, the character animations. The original game featured more limited animation, especially showing when it came to talking to other characters. SpongeBob had two animations throughout them. In this game, they've added more animations in tune to what they say, for the most part. While it shows for most characters, others just cycle through their animations, Squidward being an example where he is perpetually unhappy, even in scenes where he'd be happy or laughing sarcastically.

Now I see the application, and whether or not it was necessary here, the writing in this game is great along with the line delivery. Either was strong enough to neglect the limited animation, this was early-2000s SpongeBob after all. Not to mention the limited animation lends better to some of the jokes in this, the quick cut to Patrick in the last convo you have with Squidward at Sand Mountain comes out of nowhere... I dunno, it feels like something was missing in Rehydrated's take. But on the inverse things felt more natural in the G-Love cutscene in Downtown Bikini Bottom, a build up to Gary destroying one of the robots.

But that aside, the model work in this is great, and if Purple Lamp were gonna be making more SpongeBob games after this it was fair to try and get a grasp on the models as soon as possible. I don't really have any standouts to name, but I haven't seen any particularly bad ones so, take that as you will. They did get a little cheeky with some idle and pedestrian animations. I've seen SpongeBob and Patrick pull the shocked face gag, I've seen one fish dab, remember when that was all over the internet? They also threw in some additional images, I've seen handsome Squidward for one. To be fair, the original also had a picture of Squidward's unsure face, but Purple Lamp's additions stick out like a sore thumb. Go to Squidward's Dream and look at the paintings in the background and you'll see what I mean.

Along with the characters they also redesigned the robots. In the original game the robots looked more, you know... robotic. You could make the argument that the robots for the most part looked out of place against the locales in SpongeBob, but that's kind of the point, SpongeBob taking out anomalies. The new designs blend in better with the game's universe, granted, and given how... cartoony for a lack of a better word SpongeBob became I guess it makes sense. The new designs aren't bad by any stretch, some are pretty negligible, only issues I could think of are minor nitpicks. For instance, Dick- I mean Slick's protective bubble is just that, a bubble, not an oil bubble. He still has the oil attack so that's why I bring it up.

The game plays the same as the original did, for the most part. Compared to the original the controls here feel a bit... best word I could use is literal. I feel like for the most part I had to space out my double jumps in areas I'd normally make with a rapid tap. It's especially noticeable on the sliding sections where you have to jump up to a high platform. Normally you're flung off and you can use the momentum and one jump to carry you to it, but what could be made in one or two tries had to be done multiple times because I either under or overshoot it, or suddenly my character halts because I didn't move the analog stick forward. Or I just haven't played either version in a long time.

Maybe it's down to the game's engine. The original game was built on the RenderWare engine, while this game was made with the Unreal Engine. Certain things would be tweaked based on what was at the disposal of said engine, and as a result the initial feeling of the game may change.

As mentioned before since this is more or less a ground up remake of the original Battle for Bikini Bottom you can put any hopes of new content to rest, at least in the main story mode. But that's not to say no changes were made. On the positive side, when it comes to enemies that shoot projectiles you can now see where said projectiles would land. This worked greatly in the Robo-Patrick boss fight where I was able to stay in one section of the arena and not get hit. In the very last level you are able to restart at the last fuse you break, compared to the original where you have to start from the very beginning.

Also in Rehydrated you have the ability to jump while in the Sponge Ball form. I can see scenarios where this would be useful, especially for jumps you can't make as easily as others.

As for some criticism...

In Mr. Krabs' dream, for some strange reason they put protective bubbles around the Duplicatotron 3000s. The level is merciless enough and given the oil projectiles flung at you you'd be lucky to even land a hit on the machine as is. This is the only level where it happened too, and it makes me wonder if either developer knew that this level would be a hell of an experience and nixed the content in Patrick's dream as a breather of sorts.

I noticed that the bubble barrier around Slick has a wider hit radius, meaning you cannot hit it up close without taking damage, least it happened to me. The Duplicatotron is also a bit more rapid-fire compared to how it was in the original, in that it takes less time for new robots to be spawned. This isn't always a problem, but especially in the last stage you'd feel like you have to rush to destroy the Duplicatotron before it spawns a robot that can either hurt you or knock you down.

The swing hooks are also a bit finnicky. In the original game all you had to do was latch onto it and let go by pressing the jump button. In this game you have to hold onto the B button and let go at the right time. It's more awkward compared to the original, and if you're used to said original's controls, and if you're soaring on the rooftops as this happens it's gonna be a very annoying experience. I had gotten used to this for better or worse, but mechanics you think you know from an older version not being replicated in the remake it has to be addressed.

The wall jumping is also fairly different, more rapid compared to the original version. I was able to clear walls sooner than I did before, but it also feels off. It was especially noticeable in the Graveyard of Ships, where your wall jumping skills are put to the test. As a kid I had to redo the jumps multiple times, but going through it in Rehydrated... I actually managed to get it on the first try. I think in the first you had to move forward as you hit the walls, but in this you're moved forward automatically you just have to jump to each wall to stay up.

Now, you remember the Ball Room? Sure you do. It was one of the harder levels in the game... and Rehydrated somehow made it more annoying. Piece by piece as the level was intended. The one piece of track you have to bubble bowl into place, while you can do it right away and it'll either stay as is or for long, in this game it'll go back to its old position in a few seconds, I had to learn that the hard way. Remember that GameSpot review of Rehydrated where the scrub couldn't push the button to lower the scoop? Either I pressed the button too soon, or you had to be super precise with your position to get it to work, especially if you let the ball get close and have no idea how long it'll stay down. The pressure pad track piece, bringing back the literal analogy, while you can get off the pad a little before the ball makes it to the other side of the gap, you have to let the ball make it all the way to the other side or it will fall. Finally the fan covering the launch button moves a lot faster. Despite all that, I was able to get past the pendulum mallet, the shifting board and the fan button the first time the ball got to either.

The slide levels, especially with the time trials on top of them are stressful, has been between either version. And by slide levels, I mean the kelp vines. Any criticism I have of the Kelp Vines can apply to the original and Rehydrated, very little space to move around, and with so many curves it's very easy to fall off. The turns combined with the momentum was so bad I wound up bailing on a leaf trampoline because I kept going off the edge. Ironically, had I just kept on the path, and hopped onto the next one above I could've got one of Patrick's socks and be done with the level in one fell swoop... provided I didn't fall and have to start from the beginning.

As a kid I struggled to hit the stone tiki switch that would raise the leaf trampoline and allow me to hit the button to open the gate to the Kelp Vines, until I learned that you didn't need to use the throw fruit to use the Patrick Teeter-Totter. And that's another criticism for both games, they mention you need the throw fruit to use the Teeter-Totter, but they don't outright tell you that anything you can throw would work... that is until you figure it out by accident or you get so frustrated you use a stone tiki as your plan B.

The cruise bubble is easily the most annoying weapon you can use in this game. In the original you were essentially moving a crosshair to your destination. But in this game the missile is shown, and somehow the controls feel heavier here. If you keep moving it in one direction it'll be hard to go back the other. The bubble bowl is also fairly unpredictable, getting caught in level geometry and sometimes just stopping at random, but this isn't frequent.

Then there's grinding. In the original game there was a cheat you can do to raise your shiny object count, if you wanted to meet Mr. Krabs' prices. In Rehydrated the cheat isn't there. And shiny object counts are hard to maintain, especially since you have to pay the tolls just to progress. I had died early on in Jellyfish Fields, and knowing of the grinding situation I would typically use that opportunity to fight and break respawned robots and tikis to make sure I had enough to get Golden Spatulas from Mr. Krabs every time I finished off an area.

But that's not enough to keep you ahead of the curve. Easily the most expensive area in this game is the movie theater, at a whopping 40,000 shiny objects. I knew it was gonna be a problem I had to deal with, especially since I was down to three last new areas, sure it wasn't required to beat the game 100%, but I leave no stone unturned in my games. To put it into perspective my journey to 40k shiny objects, every time I returned to Bikini Bottom I would destroy all of the tikis out in the open. Once I got every last golden spatula aside from the Chum Bucket Lab's, I had a little over 20k shiny objects, so I thought, why don't I resume destroying bikini Bottom's tikis? Knowing they reset, I would enter the buildings around and destroy the tikis across all three areas, rinsing and repeating across eight buildings... and it wasn't enough.

So then, I taxied to the start of the Sea Caves, destroyed the floating tikis and the Chomp Bot at the other side of the gap, went back to the sand castle and destroyed the tikis, Ham-Mer, Duplicatotron and Monsoons until I made it to 40k shiny objects. All of that... for a somewhat underwhelming concept art slideshow. Nothing against Rehydrated, I'd have the same complaints toward the original, as well as Pac-Man World 2 and Scooby Doo Night of 100 Frights. All that searching... for pictures.

And the Glitches...

I'm not gonna beat around the bush, depending on the version you got, Rehydrated had several glitches at launch, and even after some patches some had persisted to this day. Not like the original was totally polished, between certain things not being rendered fully, among other things you can get with enough prodding, but some were definitely noticeable in Rehydrated. I never got to experience the more notable ones first hand, but I did encounter some. One glitch I found happened when I used the cruse bubble, where I was unable to move beyond sneaking. Somehow I managed to undo it before I had to soft reset. Then there's a game breaking glitch that persists to this day.

In Sand Mountain, you know that one sock that you can only get if you destroy all eight sandmen on Flounder Hill? Compared to the original where you can only see the number of sandmen destroyed every time you hit one, Rehydrated gives you a counter. But in spite of that little effort, get this. If you fall or die going down the slope and you haven't destroyed all the sandmen, they will not reset, meaning you will not be able to get the sock for it, meaning you won't be able to beat the game one hundred percent, at least as the game intended you to play it. I heard that a similar soft lock occurs in the Krusty Krab if you leave the area before grabbing the sock in there, but back to Sand Mountain, I was lucky to have heard about the glitch before I started the game for the first time and against all odds... I managed to destroy all the sandmen without falling or dying and get the sock, so I was able to beat the game as intended.

Here's my evidence.

But if you weren't so lucky, if you could somehow trigger a glitch that would allow you to clip into the movie theater you'll find a sock inside.

Another thing I noticed was when I directly warped to the second part of the game's final boss fight. When I got there all the fuses were broken and the trampolines were up. I would assume that there was no other way out, and that the only way to get back to this level properly was to play the Chum Bucket Lab from the beginning. Using the logic put toward a glitch where if you pay the clam to activate the bungee in the Trench of Advanced Darkness, only to fall off while doing the bubble bowl the sock will not spawn, the cutscenes act as an interim for the phases of the Lab levels, and because they didn't play when I got to the second part, there you go.

As another odd thing, you know that after beating the game, during the credits you are put into the Sponge Ball Arena. Well, after beating it you get to access it through a stand in the middle of the road in the second part of the Bikini Bottom hub world. Well in this game it doesn't happen. The only way you can access the arena again is if you play the Chum Bucket Lab again. Needless to say I was not gonna leave the arena until I got every last shiny object there. Just because it's an extra that doesn't mean people don't want to play in it.

Final Thoughts

Rehydrated is far from a perfect remake, even as a game in a vacuum. But I have a thing for flawed games, makes me appreciate them even more. I didn't go into Rehydrated with high standards, if anything it was a good excuse for me to have a childhood game on a modern system. There was some whiplash based on what I knew from the original compared to how Rehydrated handled it, but in spite of that I was able to make it through. Any flaws I brought up are either minor or are things you can at least adjust to overtime.

It's definitely not as great as the original game, and it's not the nostalgia talking. The original felt more fluid, I liked the more restrained art and animation style which allowed the writing to really pop, and overall it had enough to stand alongside the likes of Super Mario Sunshine and Sonic Adventure DX/2 Battle. Maybe I'm more used to the original, maybe Rehydrated has a few too many hiccups to rise above the original, but that doesn't have to mean the game is bad. If you know what you're doing you can beat the game in about a few hours, so it's not even that big of a commitment to make if you wanna play through.

As with anything following an existing version, if you come into Battle for Bikini Bottom for the first time, I strongly suggest you play the original first so you know what it was supposed to be like, then play Rehydrated so you can see how it stacks up. If you play the remake first it may lead to certain unfair impressions of the original. Such is the way with remakes and what they're remakes of.

If you want a rating, I'd give it a 7.5 out of 10.

Logo Mysteries: 2025 Update

 Given the previous posts centered on logo content, I may as well keep things a little consistent. This is in connection to SCMediaWorks' Logo Mysteries series, dedicated to, at the time anomalies that were either lost or confirmed to not be real. It came out in the mid-2010s, and since then there've been a number of updates that confirmed or denied the existence of many of the logos featured.

SoraThePanFloof made a video discussing updates to the searches for each logo, and I did one as well to compile new discoveries since, but I also came across new details that should be accounted for, and as this is a written space it could be edited as new details come out. So cards on the table, the logos, details on them, my opinion and if they exist, could exist or if they're fake.

PolyGram Television PGTV

The first logo mystery in the first episode. This was an open case when it was discussed, and unfortunately attached to a snafu caused by a prominent member. But when we get to it. At the time, discussions of PolyGram Television were messy, messy in that there were two different incarnations. Back then each iteration were lumped into the same page. I remember frequenting the PolyGram TV page when this and two fakes occupied the page. A so-called rare find courtesy of SuperMarty-O, and a supposed variation of an old PolyGram Video logo that was so elusive nobody could determine a concrete source.

Since then, the two separate PolyGrams were confirmed to be so, and regarding the TV divisions this one was fairly short lived. Now, where am I going with this? The original PolyGram Television lasted for about four years, three regarding on-screen appearances. If a company doesn't last that long, why would they waste resources on making multiple logos?

The PGTV logo by the sounds of it is way too elaborate to be a placeholder logo. PolyGram typically stuck to one logo when it came to their productions, save for a variant that appeared on The Pursuit of D.B. Cooper, possibly to tie into the decade that film is set in. Not to say placeholders never existed but that only applied to PolyGram Pictures. The closest to an ideal placeholder was SuperFakey-O's PolyGram logo.

So I'd say the case on that is closed due to a lack of evidence that would suggest a short-lived division would go through two different fully animated logos in the span of 3 years.

I'm aware the next Reconstruction Zone is going to do a video dedicated to the logo, but as far as I know they understand it may not exist and are just doing it for the fun of it. Wanna point that out.

CINAR Grid

This logo was immediately determined to be fake, simple as that. While looking into it I do have some stuff to add to it. In episode 3, Stephen alludes to false memories, and I think a similar case happened here. Hockey Night was said to be the earliest possible CINAR production, and through an upload of the movie on YouTube the logo for Feature Films for Families appears at the beginning. Part of the logo takes place on a grid, a grid was a central point to the CINAR logo. But who knows, could just be one big fat coincidence.

Before I move on I wanna talk about another CINAR logo, one that was briefly addressed in the video too. Remember David the Gnome? Remember the CINAR logo that appeared at the start of it. For a long time I thought it was just a variant made for the show, but there was people who believed there was a standalone version of it. I remember when I discovered Greeny Phatom, remember that hot mess? How the creator would put the CINAR logo at the start, and slow it down so the animation is in time with the music? Imagine my shock when it turned out that, yes, there is a standalone version. Since no source was confirmed for it I'm taking it with a grain of salt.

Ironically, another early CINAR production, a dub of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz anime series was mentioned in this exact video. I want to confirm what CINAR logo appeared at the end, but, as mentioned multiple times, it's a CINAR production, and you know what that means?

Yeah. If there was ever an ongoing search it's gonna be a full rip of an original airing of any episode of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Taft-HB Programs

Though there are cases to why it could exist, there are cases to why it doesn't as well. I think what's throwing people off is the fact that there were sales prints of shows that had logos at the start, Viacom and Paramount withstanding. However, these were established companies in their own right, being around for years, television and beyond, so they could've included a logo just to signify their involvement. Also you have ad sales divisions like Camelot Entertainment Sales and Teletrib.

For Taft-HB however there is one other factor to consider. How long was this division around? I get Taft owned Hanna-Barbera at the time, and Taft would go on to acquire Worldvision and use them to distribute HB programs, but does that mean an onscreen logo would exist? Probably not. Taft owned Hanna-Barbera, so aside from a division being used to single out HB catalog titles and soon to be made programs, I imagine a standard Taft logo would be used instead, or a Hanna Barbera logo, or both.

For print logos it's more likely than not they just wanted a quick signifier of a brand on press kits. Hanna-Barbera speaks more for itself as a brand, hence Taft putting their name alongside it.

Screen Gems

SoraThePanFloof makes a good point here, in that magazine ads tend to produce odd results when it comes to print logos. Just as well there was no reason for a Screen Gems to appear anywhere in the 80s, lest it was due to legal circumstances or whatever have you. On the possibility of companies reviving old divisions or incarnations, along with Sora bringing up the revival of Hanna-Barbera to usurp Cartoon Network's European division. Oh even better, Paramount would revive Republic Pictures as an acquisitions label, MGM/Amazon would bring back Orion and American International Pictures.

What I'm trying to say is that as long as they have a use for a name, it's down to time and the right opportunity to bring back an old company name for whatever reason.

TMS Distribution

A reincorporation of Australian cinema chain Hoyts' entertainment assets. But to make a long story short the logo actually exists. While an on-screen logo didn't appear on the source highlighted in the video, it did appear on a different one, a YouTube capture exists, case closed.

Greater Union Film Distributors

Theatrical logos are a special case in this situation, especially for distributor credits. As they only have the rights to theatrical releases, they won't turn up anywhere else unless someone does a millimeter rip. For all this, there is no proof or denial of a theater logo existing. This is referring to the second Greater Union Film Distributors logo. While the first has been documented and preserved on old VHS releases, this was a lot more elusive.

Since the release of the video, a lot of discoveries have been made for Greater Union, including logos for older incarnations... until the logo everyone was looking for was finally made public. Previously a cel from the logo was posted, which more or less confirmed it to be the actual one.

Roadshow Films

Speculation of an old Roadshow Films logo was mentioned in this episode of Logo Mysteries. Every detail of similar Roadshow logos were scrutinized, from the stability variance to the size of the gap between the text and the giant V. All of this wasn't for not though, because time after, the Roadshow Films logo was uploaded. If I may explain the size of the text, this was used in theaters, so naturally you need to make the important aspects really pop.

British Empire Films

Similar situation to Greater Union. It was a much older label owned by Greater Union that existed throughout the 30s and 70s. As far as finding it, I'm not holding my breath. Given the age of the prints that house these films, whose to say they haven't degraded thus making this logo permanently lost? There is an account on what the animation was like, but that's to be taken with a grain of salt. I don't want it to be gone forever, but at the same time I'm anticipating it to be so.

Claster Television Prototype

Confirmed to not exist, mixed up with the logo for Crawleys. Moving on.

Evergreen Programs

There is some possibility an on-screen logo exists. Most of the factors applying to Taft-HB do not necessarily apply here. However against the idea, it could just be a catalog label, and the Worldvision logo would very likely appear at the end of show prints covered under Evergreen. Why have two different labels that have a similar function? Purely superfluous. 

Hollywood Pictures Television

Ha yeah, no. As far as theories to where it could've turned up, the Buena Vista Television logo would appear at the end, and that goes for films across Disney's line-up of divisions at the time. Even more this kind of division is unnecessary since Disney would produce adult-oriented programs under Touchstone.

Universal International Television

Referring to Sora again and possibilities with appearances, it's unlikely it was seen on television prints of old films, but a pilot is very likely. As with Destination Space, as that was addressed in the video, a movie studio could finance a television pilot for a network, though there is little evidence regarding Universal's early TV history. Current leads suggest Universal International Television was made to produce commercials, with no programs tied to it. So it's not likely an onscreen logo actually exists.

MGM Television Cold Cream Jar

The very idea of this logo existing, let alone only on an old animated special, and the fact that there is so much detail to it, this was a hell of an enigma. An enigma that had managed to turn back up after so long, go figure.

King World Productions Color

This one is still up for debate. The first King World Productions logo appeared on then current prints of The Little Rascals, and as a result the logo was presented in black and white to keep with the theme. Two other programs that came out at the time this logo was in use were identified, but no footage exists of either. One of them is is a 90 second series, and I would question why most of the time should be taken up by a company logo, but then again TV Land hosted 60 second sitcoms and had a logo at the end, so anything's possible. For the other, it sounds like a full series that could have it, but worst case it's just an in-credit notice.

If anything it may've just been a custom logo made specifically for The Little Rascals, it looks like something of that era.

Closing

This page will be updated to account for any new info on the logos shown here.

LTA: Classic Logo Videos (part 2)

 Last time I discussed a misguided attempt at addressing trolls and fake logo finds, a product of its time, but not a good look when you think about it. So today I'm gonna go over something that also aged considerably. Scary logos. As I had talked about before, I was on the CLG Wiki, this was back when certain details were not only present, but considered mandatory. These two things were cheesy factors and scare factors.

Wanna know why scary logo brats are a thing? That kind of behavior has been normalized by the wiki for years. Now, you may think these make perfect sense, but when you think about it the arguments fall flat. A logo being scary is subjective, some may be sensitive to loud noises or certain visuals. Even cheesiness, where people play amateur logo critic with various company logos. It wasn't until years after on AVID that this was replaced in favor of animation types, choppy animation can be considered camera controlled animation for instance.

Sorry I just wanted to vent, of all things to word off anyone coming into the community for the first time.

If you find certain logos scary, that's your deal, but there's a problem when that subjective feeling is treated objectively by multiple people, thus giving a whole bunch of logos an unfair reputation that has persisted for years, and may still be so in certain sectors.

Now, as indicated in the last part I'm focusing on videos by one of the now defunct Closing Logo Group bureaucrats, so he would either embody the views of the wiki or has a big enough voice to sway others, whether intentionally or not.

And before I get into the video I wanna make something clear. I may be critical, I may mock some aspects, but that doesn't mean I hate the videos. I want them to be preserved and I'm just speaking out of angst that it may not be possible now. Also this analysis will be a little bit different, because rather than focusing directly on the content of the video, I'm gonna take a look at the spots and give you my opinion, unless I need to address something he said.

Top 10 Scary Logos

After a content warning that is funny in hindsight, Stephen delivers an opening statement that reflects what led me into sticking with the logo community, that logos are a good avenue to get creative, that they can give a company an identity beyond a mere name. He then goes into the prospect of scary logos, and he's not necessarily out of line with his explanation, that a bad identity could put people off, though this is subjective, it may not work for you but it can work for everyone else.

Now, he also makes a point that he made this list because of the lack of videos like it, but i was able to remember at least two lists like it, one that is floating around somewhere, the other being made by someone who was once the head honcho of YouTube commentaries: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLAe0mBDDJ4

Either he didn't look that hard or he felt those didn't count for some reason. He would then disqualify such classics as the Viacom V of Doom and the Screen Gems S from Hell, well good, I don't have to hear the familiar suspects, hold that thought.

10: Prism Entertainment

Basically considers the first half to be creepy, and his attitude on it reflects on the initial page read for it. He considers the first half to be pointless, only to mention that it is omitted on laserdisc releases put out by the company. So basically, the first half was used to represent its VHS releases.

Anyways, the logo was more or less made to flex the maker's technical prowess. The logo was designed by Ed Kramer, who was behind a number of notable logos. Ever since he revealed himself as the creator, people had become a lot kinder to the logo and consider it to be well made for the time.

Stephen would claim the logo sucks, which, that's your opinion, and you're just upset you didn't figure it out.

9: Stretch Films

The Courage the Cowardly Dog footage was a dead giveaway. I get why he has it here, because as a kid, honestly it was kinda creepy. Takes me back to when I lived in my old house and watched TV up in the attic. What made it stick out was the fact that it appeared Straight Outta Nowhere, good for a laugh, and after a few seconds of silence, and I was a wee lad back then.

Of course given what kind of show Courage the Cowardly Dog is, it makes perfect sense for this logo to appear at the end, the show has almost every kind of creepy attached to it, unsettling, slow build up, the sense that something is seriously wrong... and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Before we move on I wanna say one more thing about the company. Remember the banana man variation of the logo? I remember seeing it on TV time ago, and to my shock the logo would become more elusive over the years, no one managed to get an upload of the logo on YouTube until time later. Hits different when you managed to witness a hard to find logo, then see it come back again.

8: Children's Television Workshop (worm/snake/whatever it was)

Back in the old days it seemed Children's Television Workshop could never catch a break. They stray from the sugary sweet path and all hell breaks loose.

Either I'm too old, or it's hard to sell me on this. It really feels like he's reaching to justify this logo being here, like if you think the logo is scary that's fine, but when it comes to explaining why, less is more. The logo being blocky, it's more or less just a sign of the times, honestly think it really suits the decade it came out, the 70s. The theme isn't even that scary, it's somber, S-O-M-BRRRRRRR. And you know it's personal if he doesn't even bring up the alternate theme that was used on its appearance at the end of Christmas on Sesame Street.

Though I'm more upset that there are scarier public television logos out there, and I don't mean WGBH, I mean this.

See?

7: Sunbow Productions

One thing I wanna point out is Stephen's account on how he came across this logo, and got into logo culture in general. YouTube, hell video hosting sites in general, are a gateway for people who want to get into certain niches, including logos. You got to see uploads across various sites, YouTube, Dailymotion, Veoh may it rest in peace, Live Video if you even remember that and Google Video according to Stephen, to how he discovered this one.

He does address the burning questions one would have when discussing this logo, and I can understand where he's coming from... but to me it feels like the company was backed into a corner on some things. Firstly the animation and sound design. It could be possible the company had to deal with a low budget, they were working on their first series at the time, and what was that series you ask? The Great Space Coaster, a testament to 80s music culture and one that tries to jump out at you. Much like how Stretch Films' logo suited Courage the Cowardly Dog, I'd say the Sunbow logo suited The Great Space Coaster.

Whether it be a stylistic choice or built on a low budget, it is what it is.

6: Oz Film Company

This would be the part where I'd just laugh at the prospect of someone laughing at a human face, but I get certain aspects work against it. Not counting the more commonly known upload that had a dramatic soundtrack included, if the logo plays in dead silence it can make the logo feel suspenseful, especially for how long it goes on.

But I gotta say, old film look? This logo was made literally 100 years ago, going off the initial year it was uploaded... which he does bring up, so I'll chalk the comment up to a poor explanation. It's kinda sad this logo was considered to be scary, because in some ways it was quite revolutionary. It is one of the few vintage film logos to have some form of motion, most you got otherwise was the second Solax logo (later to be discovered), the first Goldwyn films logo and Germany's own Decla Film. I love the tricks they used, having Princess Ozma wear black clothing against a black background, the dark color sceheme not being easily caught on prints.

So there's an explanation, but no shame if you found it scary, whether silent or having a more dramatic score in the background on certain colorized prints, can't convince anyone else otherwise.

5: Renaissance Pictures

No comment. Given that Sam Raomi didn't work exclusively on horror movies, to wit, Renaissance handled shows like Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, corny shows for sure, which would undercut the logo's tense nature.

By this point, I wanna bring up that a lot of people love this video, whether it be for its comedic factor or coming out at the right time. For the latter half the comedic elements are starting to show, and I'm not gonna nitpick these unless I have to.

What this second amounts to is lashing out at the overall direction of the logo and how it scares people. Which once more, fair enough, I get where people are coming from on it, but there is a bright side. It's the kind of logo you can never forget, it sticks with you for better or worse, you know it's a Raimi production when you see it. I've always been curious to the story behind this logo, and after many years of it just languishing on, the most anyone was able to find is the reference for the painting at the start; Raphael's "Head of a Youth", thank you AVID.

4: Asymmetrical Productions

Hearing Stephen talk about this, one can easily see the influence he had back then, complaints he made would persist on discussions of logos, lest it was the other way around, plot thickens; eggs are metrical are the magic words here. Hearing him get flustered over the logo's nature... I mean it's funny, and he could just be amping it up for comedic effect, why overanalyze something that was not made to be taken entirely seriously?

Of course regarding this logo, it's David Lynch, how much of his work have you seen? Sure he's not a horror guy, but he is a weird and shocking one, and that is on full display for his vanity cards. Of course he wanted it this way. But good on you for making it humorous at least.

3: 3-G Home Video

I'm just gonna say it outright, this portion aged poorly. For context, the 3-G Home Video logo was infamous for its loud volume, based on a poor quality upload posted years ago. Because of the nature of the company, a public domain distributor, it was hard to confirm if the logo's rep was justified. It wasn't until years later that a cleaner upload surfaced that rehabilitated the logo's reputation. So it's kinda awkward now to go back to a video back when the logo's rep was what it was, but hey, it represented the times and provided a good idea to what things were like.

Maybe Stephen can save this with a funny reaction? Oh shit he did. While, once more, it's funny how most of his reactions aged poorly based on new info coming out on the logo, it's saved by some good joke deliveries, and you could argue his anger works as a joke on its own too.

2: Films Incorporated

Poor quality uploads can't save this logo. Got little to say in defense of this logo, aside from one thing. Stephen bring up how this logo predated student films and that they would get scared when they saw it. Well, allow me to get personal. In the fifth grade, we were shown the 1981 TV movie The Wave, and this logo appeared at the start. I honestly wasn't scared or aware this was the logo I saw. For a time I thought the company was just called A Films Incorporated or something like that.

Also funny thing about Films Incorporated and how I came across its article when I did. Its crazy how much information on the company had come out since, from appearances to older logos to a concrete company history.

1: Klasky-Csupo

A little side-note, wouldn't you know it another one, the ensuing coverage has often been considered the apex of the entire video, one of the few scenes people remember from this video, even those outside of the logo community. So I'm gonna try to not be too harsh here, mostly because I can kinda relate. Klasky-Csupo was a weird company, and I mean that in a good way. Their shows stood out from others, and at least back then they could get very twisted. I was admittedly scared of the first Klasky-Csupo logo when I was young, due to its abrupt loud start and disjointed music.

The second logo also caught me off guard the first time I saw it, but I grew to tolerate it. It was there to stay for the remainder of my childhood, all anyone can do is learn to get along. And let's be fair, especially with Rugrats' end credits sometimes they can be creepy, whether it be that calliope, or whatever it is, playing in the background, or when they use one of the more dramatic music cues throughout it. I could also related to Stephen's experience with Rugrats, perhaps thanks to me watching later era episodes I assumed the series was aimed at very young children, then I saw the older episodes and I was set straight once and for all. Of course overtime the shock factor on the logo would wear off, I recall seeing some meme edits of the second KC logo when I was young and just getting into YouTube, here's the exact video I watched back then.

Anyway, back to Stephen, I love how over the top he acts here, it's a case where an extreme reaction works effectively, or helps prepare you for it. Funnily enough the way Stephen shows the logo here actually makes it more... tangible, for a lack of a better term. For instance, there were details I missed such as a hand laying down Splaat's mouth (Splaat being the name of the face)... and that's it. Now, when it comes to the number one of any comedic countdown, you need to have the right kind of finish. What is all of this building up to? Taking a picture of Splaat and setting it on fire. Of course this isn't played seriously, and it's funny how his antics cause a fire on his lawn, and then I just forget this was in response to a logo that scared him.

Closing Statements

Regarding the previous part, I know I was negative with the last video I saw. Along with addressing the worst possible ways of dealing with trolls, I was more or less just upset, upset over the fact that these and many other classic videos are gone. No longer on Stephen's channel, and any uploads that turn up would be taken down, whether by request or by force.

Stephen doesn't realize he is sitting on a goldmine in the best possible way, and this countdown is a compelling case to how important these videos are. A lot of people have been with the logo community for many years, and it's nice to have videos to go back to in order to remember the old days, keep a lasting fingerprint on certain chapters in logo history and show how far it has evolved.

I have more respect for the content than I do the person, he is definitively a lost media hoarder, preventing people from easily accessing his videos, and there is a demand to see them again. It's the logo enthusiast in me, the archivist in me, and the fact I learned the hard way why these videos are hard to find. Either he takes the corporate approach too seriously, or he has gone insane, who knows? Stephen, I get copyright infringement, but why stress over something that you don't even host anymore? It's kind scummy, so with that said, here's hoping some more great videos would be unveiled in the future, but until then, I have but four words to Stephen if he is still gung-ho on copyright striking re-uploads.

MAKE A DAMN ARCHIVE

You can take away the respect, but you can't take away the memories, and that's all I have to say. Thanks for reading. 

LTA: Classic Logo Videos (part 1)

 Whenever it called for it, I stress my interest in company logos, but I hardly go that deep into why. For perspective, I've been involved with the logo community as early as 2010, what started as me discovering uploads of company logos on YouTube, led me to making my first account, well, anywhere, that wasn't for a class assignment, on the good ol' Closing Logos Group wiki. I had an interest in logos as far back as the early to mid 2000s, just for how creative most companies can be, and looking into an old company, The International Picture Show Company, led me to the wiki.

I was young at the time and had no idea how things worked, yet somehow I managed to gain and maintain writer privileges, got the occasional reprimand but I kept at it, was around to see some milestones such as confirming where the first CastleRock Entertainment Television logo appeared (I didn't participate beyond appearing in discussions but I did interact with one of the lead investigators.) and make some friends, well, technically those who sent and accepted friend requests on the wiki, I still remember the first two to do so, The Logo Channel (based on the associated YouTube channel I don't have the definitive CLG handle lest it's MrLogo), and SCMediaWorks.

Thing About Logo Series

SCMediaWorks was one of the wiki's bureaucrats, and with that kind of power, you'd be a fool not to expand upon the group beyond its wiki. With logo enthusiasts taking up residence on YouTube, and the one calling card being a channel filled with logos, you can't just do the same thing if you want to establish the height of your position. So, the best way to stand out was a dedicated series, something I discussed in my last logo related post, but for the sake of context, here we go again.

These logo series were essentially glorified compilations, and I don't mean something like a logo history, but rather various logos with a certain gimmick. Simple in concept but come on, this was back during the old days of YouTube, if I was in the community back then I would've eaten that shit up. The series would more or less be used for brand establishment, you'd see logos for the creators' proverbial companies before and after these videos.

Back then the main creatives like LogicSmash and Shadeed329 were dominant in the logo series field or just made a name for themselves at the right time. Whereas LogicSmash is still going strong after all these years, Shadeed bottomed out long ago, his temper caught up with him and he dropped off the face of the Earth. There were videos that discussed the drama he was involved in but who knows if they're still up.

What I'm trying to say is that it's one thing to learn that a niche interest you have has its own community, but it's another to see it try to expand to new areas. Even more, these serve as time capsules of different eras of the logo community, from sheer simplicity to becoming more than that, and SCMediaWorks was up to the task.

Thing About SCMediaWorks

Okay also went on that long tangent to reflect where things were and what they would be. SCMediaWorks had led the CLG Wiki or was just in a high position during its mid to late years. Among his contributions were acquiring logos, which would be shared by dedicated logo channels, he did compilations that singled out variations of closing logos, such as one he did for the old soap opera Dallas, but what I remember the most from him were two series in particular, Logo Mysteries and SCMediaWorks' Top 10, along with the occasional rant.

Some of you coming into this may not know about it, and I can't really blame you because as of now, these videos are hard impossible to find. Not because of poor preservation mind you, but because SCMediaWorks has become a lost media hoarder. You can't watch these videos easily, but you can find them if you look hard enough, and if you decide to post them on YouTube he'll give you a copyright strike, not even a comment asking you to take it down, his first choice is to copyright strike it.

For perspective, the video I posted on my archive channel was an unlisted upload. The upload was on a playlist that wasn't even made by him and it can't be accessed if you go on his own channel. You can argue that the video was still intended to be used, just not publicly, but while trying to upload the first episode of Logo Mysteries the upload was cancelled due to a pre-existing copyright strike. Someone had uploaded the first episode before me, I saw it, it was later taken down, and the original upload was private to begin with. That in mind, until I get a good argument to the contrary, SCMediaWorks is hoarding what can be considered lost media, and you wanna know the craziest thing about this? He hasn't been on YouTube, anywhere really, for over four years, he's not actively making content, he's not even involved with the current logo authority, but he's doing this shit? Why strike videos that you don't even want up on your channel anymore?

That in mind, I get reuploading videos is tempting fate, even if he's making no effort to preserve history on his own front, like seriously dude, just offload your videos onto a dedicated archive account and leave it at that. Just because you want nothing to do with these videos that doesn't mean everyone doesn't, there are people who loved these videos when they were out, people who're more than eager to see them again. It's not just some embarrassing video projects that you don't stand by anymore, they were not only treats for the logo community, but they served as time capsules for logo related news and content, represented the flavors of the week, and even more they serve as steps in the community's evolution. How can we keep going forward if we have no sense of what we're leaving behind?

Okay this is the archivist in me getting heated, but the point stands, and if it's not me bringing these videos up, it's someone else whose been around who is invested in the community. Someone I saw as a good figure in the community... I can't let this pass. Where somebody abuses the copyright system and doesn't even allow people to find essential videos easily by putting the videos up elsewhere themselves, you expect me to keep my mouth shut?

So what'll be the more mature route than to complain about two videos of his that happened to age fairly poorly? And no I don't mean Logo Mysteries. From going on the offense against little kids, what I gotta throw in DED6 now? With that there's nothing more mature to do than to complain about videos that were definitely of their time. Starting with...

Logo Trolls and Pirates: An Overlooked Pandemic on YouTube (introduction)

"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play." -War Games.

Trolling is fun to do, but never fun to go through. Sometimes you have no idea you're going through it, and by the time you realize you were already played. When it comes to dealing with trolling, their main goal is to get a reaction, and the only sensible thing to do is to not give it to them. Unfortunately, for 80% of the world, that is a fool's errand. In return for giving a reaction, it may be enough to pull the veil back on the reactor and serve as an invitation for further trolling.

But in this situation, it's not about trolls harassing people... it's people reposting logo videos, and by people, I mean for the most part little kids or grown people on the spectrum, no offense intended. Though I'm part of the logo community I'm not afraid to admit there are people who take things too seriously. It's as much their logo as it your's, we're all thieves, like taking the CBS eye and plastering the Hanna Barbera swirling star inside of it, and using it as a federally registered trademark. As far as logo trolls go, there was only one who managed to make a good effort, and that was tyson83782, may his fake logo histories live on.

There were trolls willing to make an effort, and honestly the only offensive thing about these trolls is how little effort they put, but hey, they made enough of an impact to warrant one big video apparently. I would link the video, but I'm no snitch.

Now the Video

Leaning into the branding tidbit of logo series we get an idea to who was behind this. This was a collaborative effort between SCMediaWorks and the Closing Logos Group, which is both cool and kinda upsetting given how the video aged. Also someone named Ryanasaurus0077, who if I recall was more active on the wiki, still has some traceability but any drama he was involved in, or what they consider to be drama, is mostly lost, but I nabbed a URL off the Wayback Machine: https://web.archive.org/web/20160613143531/http://www.closinglogos.com/thread/5294327/WTF+ryanasaurus0077 ), and Shadeed as far as a joint credit on another company shown to the end (S.A.K. Media Holdings)

After that we get a popular logo meme from the time, the BND of Doom, look it up at your own risk. I wanna bring this up because of what this is supposed to represent. It starts with a clip from the PowerPuff Girls (DA ORIGINAL) where they're watching TV, the BND of Doom logo appears with masking that while better than what I can do, you can make out the outline around the characters the logo is around, anyway this scares the girls, obvious looped animation that could easily be spliced to work around... all of this in a PSA against stealing logos...

I know nitpicking is frowned upon, but fuck it. What were they going for here? Was this intended to represent them uploading a logo, they apparently stole, onto YouTube and they got comeuppance? Best theory I could give. Why not just make an amateur sketch? Sure it would be more cringey but it would get the point across, and SCMediaWorks has shown himself plenty of times so it wouldn't be out of the question, like right now, sorta.

He would introduce himself, and I bring this up because he refers to himself under a different name, his full name is known, but for some reason on his last name and it's not close to how it's normally pronounced, he calls himself Zaslav... and I'm on the floor laughing. Zaslav, like the guy who is delisting a stark bulk of archived content and giving people little means to access it, sorta like SCMediaWorks delisting his old content and giving people little means to access it, you can't make this shit up, I swear, he became the thing he swore to destroy.

Also a little sidenote if you do that goofy different sounding name it would only work if you're doing a sketch, or this whole thing is just an elaborate parody of overractions to logo trolls, or it's just a specalized persona done for a laugh... but it isn't, as far as I know. This is followed by a basic ass title-card, which to be fair isn't the worst I've seen of things like it, give it a C+, not bad TrickyMario7654. He goes on a little spiel, and in spite of some effort to show some restraint, he goes off almost immediately. The crimes mentioned in the thesis just center on blowing up comments, with such offensive statements including "From (insert show this didn't appear on here)" to re-uploading other's captures, which, for the example I get why they used it, but the closing combo for King of Queens is the most common logo combo there is, I mean anyone could argue they captured it themselves, someone else had done it already, but I digress.

Stephen does a little impersonation sketch, with an apology attached, that's gonna be rare, and then we get toward the crux of the special. Apparently the subjects to be discussed are so bad they make an adult spout grade school insults. Now look, I'm not one to shit on people who happen to take a topic too seriously or get angry, it's all for entertainment. I maintain that TheMysteriousMrEnter was doing what was in at the time, angry reviews, DogsEatingDogs6 hasn't done anything morally reprehensible (if he yells at kids while pretending to be Bowser y'all know you're reaching hard), and Toy Story 4 sucks that hard... GamingMagic13.

I'm going at this out of secondhand embarrassment. It's one thing to be an immature logo kid, it's another to go at it in a not so smart way. These people want to fuck around, you give them the reaction, nobody wins. As mentioned before the logo community carries a rep depending on who you ask, and there's little way around it. The best I can do is just call out bull when I catch it. Going into each channel I'm gonna try and dig up whatever info I could on them, and hope I don't pop up on anyone's radar.

Firstly, Austin Alexander, also known as LogoBoy95. If the year is exact he would've been twenty by the time this video was made. Austin was banned for spamming and making multiple sock accounts, to the point he would put out a proverbial hit on those he blamed for banning him. To sum it up. Stephen cites the moment the straw broke the camel's back, where Austin posted a capture of a logo found by someone else.

Not to step on the toes of those who were involved in drama that's going to have occurred a decade ago, god I'm old, but I want to see it from both sides, especially since with the change in heads at the current logo authority those part of it are no longer in power. The capture was posted on the old CLG Wiki by CooleyBoy10, or at the time FromTheWordsofBR, and Austin posted it on YouTube. On one hand they are two separate spaces and Austin acknowledged who originally posted it.

Now, if BR intended to post the logo on his old channel and Austin beat him to the punch, it's an open and shut case, CooleyBoy found it and it's his right to share wherever. But... that wasn't brought up, if it was even a thing at all. Of course there's the matter of the video in question just taking the still image and posting it on YouTube... okay now it's coming together. An argument can also be made relating to how Austin's supporters acted, but this was after Austin's video was copyright struck, regardless of the context.

Just because one side is right, that doesn't mean they can't do some things wrong. If you copyright strike somebody regardless if it's the right thing to do, you can expect some backlash no matter what, just ask Michael Rosen. Or maybe Stephen isn't the best narrator for this, because he makes fun of a 20 something's reaction to all this... and I'm like dude, don't throw that stone in that glass house.

While he also brings up examples of Austin's behavior that can validate the attitude expressed... he decided it would be more practical to cry about something trivial. Not everyone can rely on one's word alone, you need to have physical evidence to support yourself, otherwise just say "I was unable to gather the screenshots to support this unfortunately." We may never see the extent of his harassment of Shadeed, which is ironic since both people would wind up on the CLG Hall of Shame.

If you want to establish someone's rep or get outsiders to understand how bad they are, you have to do better than what Stephen did here. Because by this point, all I learned from this is that FromTheWordsofBR did what he felt was the appropriate thing to do, even if it's something frowned upon, and Austin and Stephen are two sides of a similar coin.

Now, is Austin Alexander still at it? Well, sorta. I can at least confirm he has a trolling list on his channel description, and he does the occasional upload. But benefit of the doubt to Stephen it's best to be vigilant. Of course, the only way to win against someone like him is to not engage with him, but for a lot of people that's easier to request than to do.

Next up, Angrybirdsfan2003. While you could claim that for Austin he was an adult, Stephen right now is going after a kid, and compared to DED6's angry rants on plush videos this is a lot more serious, though depending on what you consider to be worse is up to your point of view. It is at this point Stephen reveals that Angrybirds, or Jacob, was a major inspiration to make this video.

He goes into the same spiel he did with Austin, relating to combo re-uploads, and while we get evidence on that, what we don't get is details on harassment he does, well not yet, this isn't the first time I watched the video. We get a dark implication relating to Stephen not holding back on calling people out in spite of their age... dude, it's a fucking kid, kids are stupid, you seriously think they know any better? And of course it's all over logos.

Now, we get back to Stephen showing the comments... while making the mistake of showing his own that would put him in a similarly bad light. Whatever floats your boat Kyle. This is another case of being upset about something understandably, but going about it in the worst way possible. Why not just ban the account and the ensuing sock-puppet accounts, let him fester and scream into the void? That was the grand conclusion to the screenshots. No harassment, just being a pest and people just adding fuel to the fire. It's hilarious, but if you participate and try to represent your wiki... congrats, you just set the community back.

A not so Quick TATbit

Let's get historical. You heard about TAT Communications Company, right? Well not really if you're not in the group. Back when this video was made, the TAT logo was still missing and people had very little to go off of in terms of what the actual logo was like. It was based on a print variation that appeared in articles and recollections shared by those on the original Closing Logos Yahoo Group.

The logo was sought after, and anyone who had access to it were gonna share it and rake in all the glory. Even deceptively. A lead would be uncovered during that time, it being the logo's theme, and in the context of logo theft shenanigans would ensue. Whether or not he was the first to do this or just one of many, Jacob would produce a mockup of the TAT logo based on what people assumed the logo was like and others would follow suit.

Now, no judgement toward logo recreations, these are essential, and dare I say very well done, but with someone like Jacob and others these are just cheap MS Paint mockups. Now, there is a case to be made here, if Jacob made the video with the intent of claiming it's the real thing, but while we got the video, he never established the actual upload, if he did in fact poise it as the actual one or just a recreation.

Stephen does get a bit dramatic over this, and it's hilarious in hindsight given what would become of it. If you have the opportunity, the software and the lack of knowing any better, of course you'd attempt something like this. And with his overreaction, there lies trolling opportunities and Stephen is all the more eager to give his reaction.

But was all of this justified? Nope. When a partial capture of this logo was found, it being nothing like the recreations brought up, it helped diminish said recreations and thus took some momentum away from them... bar any snots who did recreations of the sorta found logo but there you go. But what about diminishing the value of the actual logo when it was found? Well, years after this video, everyone was excited for it, news managed to hit BlueSky (and Twitter if people still use that waste of space), and it was treated as a groundbreaking moment in logo history. Stephen was afraid that people wouldn't care if the actual logo wasn't found, well, maybe enough time passed from the fake logo finds.

The logo community knows what's real and fake, so what was he afraid of? Was he trying to gain appeal outside of the niche? Does he think everybody on earth cares about the TAT logo? Was he trying to find the logo himself and rake in all of the glory? Take it away Charles Xavier.

By the end, it's essentially two grade school kids calling each other names, only one of them has been held back by a few years. Anyway what is Jacob up to now? It seems not much, he has a new channel but he hasn't uploaded anything new in two years, it looks like he has gone into making logo renders as far as his deviantArt suggests, so maybe he, you know, grew up or just stopped giving a shit? Alright let's move on.

This next one I've been seeing a lot of back then. Dan Bickner, or 217Dan. I can safely confirm that he did in fact steal logo uploads and posted them on his own channel, but let's see what Stephen- oh, nevermind, this segment was contributed by a different person, well, written by for Stephen to read. Dan is heavily built up here, his bad rep established, and with so much build-up you need to have a finish to justify it... because he just goes on, and on, and on, complete with a Downfall parody.

Anyhow, the extent of his, ahem, crimes, were taking uploads and putting them on the CLG Wiki while taking all the credit, and not even acknowledging the original uploaders... stuff like that would help your case, go after people who steal for their own gain and cause trouble on the wiki. Not necessarily on board with trying to drive people off of the internet though, and if Dan's a troll and seeing this effort to drive the person off, it would make them want to come back and revel in all the attention.

Also two things, why single out a Wii U recording? If anything it goes to show the capabilities the console had, but what we're supposed to hate it because it didn't sell well? Second, for another instance of hindsight or poor aging, this video includes the second Columbia Pictures Television logo with the Coca-Cola byline, which was revealed to be fake, and I bring this up because Stephen was the one to spill the beans on that.

But as far as confirmed cases, we don't have to worry about the WETA logo, that he singled out as an example of using still shots in place of the actual logo because that's been found in full. A callback to one of Austin's crimes where Dan uploaded a logo image posted by someone else, and he didn't give credit as far as I know.

He then uses a cartoon clip to sum up his reaction and I'm like, what is this FoxtrotDeltaLima497 type shit? He even introduced it as if Usagi Tsukino was right with him, no irony either, yes I used the original name for some reason, yes I also did a cartoon reaction clip, but one is played as is while I sat my ass down and tried to make something of it.

Since there's no crime grander than stealing logo videos, he once more drags this out, this time with a YouTube deep cut. Uh, you remember Norm Gets Mad at all his Haters? The fat guy who said fuck you multiple times? It was used as a reaction clip by lower tier Doug Walker wannabe commentators from the era? Thus this video's age shows more than Saved by the Bell. Anyway both of Dan's channels are still up but I have no idea what he's even doing nowadays. I do have one thing to add to this. Long ago I remember Dan making a dumb comment on a video by LogicSmash, another user got mad and likely made an ableist slur and got in trouble for it. The comments are gone so take this with a grain of salt.

Lastly there's Perry Mason... insert opening theme, many thanks Svengoolie for introducing me to that gag. Another name I've seen a lot of on YouTube back then. If you by chance found the video and had grown tired of it, this segment is a $100000 Pyramid parody... for some reason. Still five minutes left, and he decided to turn this into a game show... an unfortunate connection.

Anyway, I guess Stephen couldn't find enough to say about him that would justify his inclusion, so he did this gag. What I could get from this is that he's just a cheap Dan Bickner copy, and that Stephen is incensed enough to call these children and immature grownups criminals... They may've wanted a reaction, they got it, with interest.

There's someone stealing logos, then there's someone who reacts poorly to it, feel like that point has been hammered into my skull so hard and I wanna share that feeling with you all. Like the dude claims that these cause harm. Like holy shit, at least you can argue cartoons can make you feel things.

One last thing to bring up here is him issuing a thanks to SuperMarty-O, a user who would be outed as a fraud years later, also Shadeed who would, once more, be shunned by the community years later.

Closing Statements

Now, Stephen makes it clear this video was made in order to make people aware of bad faith characters in the logo sphere, along with fake uploads, and I can get behind that. Those not in the know could be brought up to speed and know who to look out for... so what was all this shit? I get trying to be funny but I can't see anyone laughing at most of these gags, those that perhaps only Stephen could understand. When you represent a community you can't make it mostly about you, because what if you don't represent the values of the wiki, or what if it backfires and thus you took away any legitimacy it could've had.

This video was a mess, and it feels like it functions better as a warning against reacting to trolls. Look, I get the problem and it's important to bring it up, but the way he went about it made this video age poorly. It's a poor representation of the wiki, and given his position there that just makes it worse, to the point others would be lumped in with lesser characters associated with the wiki just because of the more vocal ones drowning out the sense.

While there is novelty in seeing the logo community make original presentations, this was a misfire. But at the end of the day... I don't hate it. Just because you have a lot to say against something that doesn't mean you have to hate it. This video was a product of its time, coming out during the apex years of the Closing Logos Group, where I got my start, and beneath all of the rage rambling there is some logo history on display. As mentioned before this was during the time nobody had any idea what the actual TAT logo was like, and it's good to get some info on notorious trolls even if he wound up giving them reactions, but I guess anyone could've made that mistake.

Logo Trolls and Pirates: An Overlooked Pandemic on YouTube is the St. Anger of logo community videos, it is poorly executed, disorganized, definitely of its time and reeks of acting on one's gut without thinking of how it would turn out. But I'd still check it out, well, if I had the time to do so and I've run out of other stuff to watch.

I've gone on for too long here. Next time, I'm gonna go over a countdown list that nutshells the scary logo community.