Kiriena Banjin riff

We've all gone through phases we're too uncomfortable to admit to. We have posts, comments, whatever that we made years ago and never got around to remove that are awkward, best case. When we join the internet in our late-teens or so, we always start with our phase in tow, so chances are you've been setting up a serious paper trail that would come back to haunt you if you weren't careful. And hell, sometimes you don't fully grow out of your phases. I guess it's better to just admit you had/have (worst case) a phase you're uncomfortable with, I'll admit that even I can't help but give into temptation sometimes. Beats the hell out of denying it like a pansy ass bitch in the hope that the problem would fix itself.

I'm starting off with this because I'm going to talk about someone who I've rammed heads with in the past. SHFan (SH for She Hulk). I'll just say this outright, I have interacted with him and, whether or not this is okay depends on your point of view, I contributed dialogue to a three-part series of pictures he posted (in the spirit of the old She-Hulk comics) and I helped him on a two-part story he wrote, the second part mainly. If you find it, bear in mind that I didn't write it that way, and I actually have proof. Here's the draft I wrote. The one you see on his profile is what he wrote: https://sta.sh/02gb3oj7f1nb (I was around 19 or so, still a bit wet behind the ears).

I'm mainly going to focus on a recent comic he made, mainly because this one has enough obvious flaws to make for a funny analysis. No deliberate harm is meant, Do not go onto his profile and harass him, I will not condone that shit.

Pre-Gaming

Obviously this comic centers on She-Hulk, but actually, it's just a fan rendition. The core of a woman turning into a hulk is kept, but he uses his own characters, and that's as much as I could say about them for reasons you'll soon see when we get into the comic. For now, what quality art will we be in for?

Anime, who'da thunk?

The comic uses a predominantly anime style. I'm critical of this art style, and I have mostly described my distaste for it in past entries, but when it comes to still-art, I think now I could offer a much better critique. In general, anime art is generally used as a go-to for any kind of style. Typically, most independent artists lack the initiative to make use of more traditional design, whereas anime is generally easy to work with so long as you find the right bases.

Traditional art tends to have a rougher look, whereas anime art tends to have a more geometric look, as long as you put lines in the right place, color in the proper areas and remove the rough outlines you wouldn't notice that. Basically, anime tends to be a substitution for coming up with a unique style, it's a common art style that tends to look simpler than traditional art, depending on what you apply it toward.

I'm going to get tarred over this, aren't I?

Now onto the comic.

"Within Rochdalem UK, there is a small quiet library on Whitewash Road."

Points for not setting the story in some place overused like New York City or Los Angeles. For the record, Rochdalem isn't technically a real place, unless he meant Rochdale. Also, Whitewash Road will ironically make a bit of sense once we get further into the story.

"This place is only run by one Librarian and is also the owner of the building. Doreen Olsen."

I don't get the mechanics behind web comics, and I don't want to come off as a dick, but proofreading can go a very long way.

"As Doreen starts off her day, she is happily putting away her books, however in a few short moments, that happiness will soon change as she will discover a sleeping beast that will soon be waken. That beast that she will later name... Kiriena Banjin."

Okay, I know full well this guy is primarily dedicated to art surrounding She Hulk, so points for not trying to build this up as something super major. However, this still gave away far too much. You could easily foreshadow without revealing too much. For example.

"As Doreen starts off her day, she is happily putting her books away however, her bliss will soon be cut short."

See? Sorta better. And in case you want to know what Kiriena Banjin means, based on a rough translation, it means "Beautiful Barbarian". Makes sense given how much this guy loves She Hulk.

"We interrupt our daily programing to bring you some breaking news! St. Vincent High School is under attack. Reports say that this maybe the work of Donald Trump (whoops lmao), the Nano Outbreak that happened in Japan almost two years ago. There are no reports of deaths, but police say there is high damage to the school and some students and staff has been injured. We will ckeep our viewers posted as we will."

First, note the obvious grammatical errors and misspellings. Second, minor nitpick, but if this is set in the UK, it's spelled "programme". Third, about this nano outbreak, has this always been big news? Sounds like more exposition for the sake of exposition. Fourth, for a newscast, it's certainly carried out in a poor fashion. If I may."

"Breaking news. St. Vincent High School is currently being attacked by an unknown creature. It's unknown who or what this creature is, but it's possible it has a connection to the ongoing nano outbreak. No casualties have been identified, but damages and injuries are coming in and spreading."

A little better? Lastly, you're probably wondering why I bolded High School. We'll get to that soon.

"Doreen instantly is overwhelmed by shock as she knows only one person that goes to that school. He is a student named John and he is a regular in her library. She is also secretly in love with him, which that love will start a trigger of events that would soon follow."

Yes, you saw that. We have a full grown woman crushing on a high schooler, bear in mind that the lowest the age of consent has ever been was 18. I could be wrong when it comes to the age of consent and how it applies to other countries, but I'd go out on a limb and say that the UK's standards on age of consent aren't as low as Japan's. I primarily bring this up because her age is actually brought up in another panel.

I could make a pedophilia joke, but those are as overdone as autism jokes.

Minor nitpick, but it seems like she wasn't as angry as she should be, pre-trigger scene.

Keep the "younger" part in mind.

All that happens in the dialogue boxes is details on the transformation. I'd make myself redundant if I talk about them, so I'll just hone in on the greater details. Such as the fact that she literally becomes younger when she transforms.

She must really love John, so deep down she wishes she could be younger because you know, age gap. But somehow this makes a lot less sense than someone being able to turn into a green muscular creature through DNA alteration that enhances one's cells and spreads through the body, reworking it entirely.

Also apparently, she doesn't have nipples.

There's obviously no dialogue here. If I were to be generous, I'd say this would be a good time to work in some inner monologue, where we get to hear her thoughts as she's on the crossroads between her human form and her developing new form. But no, let's just empathize on the damage her clothes are going through. Aging her backwards works against this quite frankly, if she's not 18, you'd be entering some seriously dangerous territory.

Then the next panel happens...

In one of the most hackneyed concepts ever, she gets a new outfit literally out of nowhere. Those nanos seem to be capable of anything, whether they're a bullet dodge for what's essentially another She-Hulk inspired story, or just elaborate tailors. This just feels kinda forced, like he knew people would call him out on the other stuff, if they ever found it.

But if I were to be generous, I could say that this is supposed to be a node to the 1980s Incredible Hulk cartoon. Basically, whenever the Hulk changes back, his outfit changes back with him. Same with She-Hulk. Kinda weird, but I guess they couldn't get away with unexplained wardrobe swaps, it's chuckle worthy. What SHFan does is like a Tumblrized censor bar, there's no way to look at it through a humorous perspective, it's as serious as it looks.

Say this aloud. "I became a Midori Banjin myself!" Rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?

Did someone ask for more exposition?

Basically the origin of the actual She-Hulk, set in japan because that's in style apparently. With an emphasis on Japan, you'd think Doreen would be Japanese as well, but no, she's a component of Whitewash-ing.

The above is also more exposition, for the sake of exposition. But, there're details I want to cover. Beyond the obvious (these blood cells mended with her own and now she has the same abilities) stuff, there's the fact that the donor happened to be an experienced medic. That sounds way too convenient, and the way it's just thrown out there makes it feel more useless than it already is.

Doreen makes due on her new abilities by watching the news, while others are getting attacked at that high school. Ordinarily, when you're aware of something and you're given the tools to do something about it you'd head over there, but no, not here. I guess Doreen doesn't love John that painfully.

Meanwhile, we get a look at John, he looks like a discount Speed Racer. Judith, up above hi, I immediately like better because even her face has more personality to it.

Now who're they up against?

What essentially amounts to Elliot Rodger if he lived in Scotland in 994 (points if you get the reference). Gotta love that name though, Nightmare Fuel would be a good name, had it not been put toward a creature marred by bland art design. Maybe this is just part of this guy's character, where he likes to build himself up as greater than what he already is, when it's obviously not true.

Gotta love how the girl dumps his ass because he's a monster. If she were a boy she'd probably be painted as a sex offender or she'd lose a TV deal.

But just before Mildly Unpleasant could potentially get some canned yams...

Here comes She-Hulk with a fancy name, complete with four boobs for some reason (yeah I know they're supposed to be hands and elbows, but get a load of that position, also that damn anime tropism.

We then conclude with the icing on borderline wish-fulfillment. Boobs. Since she's probably a little over twice his senior, to John I say... Run.

And that was Kiriena Banjin. I could conclude that this comic... is full of problems. To sum up.

• Bland art direction, namely due to something as easily exploitable as anime style.
• Minor edits that only barely mask the fact that this is a near-retelling of the origin of the real She-Hulk.
• The nanos feel like a contrived concept.
• Plus there's a 40 year old who loves a high-schooler.

I'll just say out right, I do like the concept of monsters in a school setting, but obviously this wasn't handled well. I have seen comics in the same vein, and they find their way either through objectively good artwork, good dialogue, a nice story or are just able to take the piss out of themselves.

This comic has a flat look, with bland colors and subpar perspectives, the dialogue is either exposition heavy or is dialogue for the sake of dialogue, the story, beyond the you know what, is just lackluster and seems to only exist to fulfill the title of your deviantART account. Plus there's the lack of self-aware humor.

I'm gonna confess, I did contribute dialogue to one of his works, but given that the dialogue he is capable of coming up with is... you know, I decided, fuck it, I wanted to see how better I would do. If you're daring to trace the comments to the picture they came from, this is the highest level of praise I got for contributing dialogue.

https://comments.deviantart.com/1/661299044/4321599585

I guess I channeled my inner John Byrne when I wrote the dialogue.

To sum up, I was into some weird shit when I was a teenager, and who knows when I'll ever leave it behind forever.