Alpha and Omega Review

CONTENT WARNING: The following review will be highly critical. If you're a devoted furry or a fanboy, this review will cause you to cry uncontrollably. If that happens, well, what did you expect?

Does anyone remember the 2010 animated feature, Alpha and Omega? No? Well me neither.

2010 seemed to serve as the Y2K of media in general. The TV shows took a massive nose dive in quality, Sonic games took on a comedic tone that sacrificed anything of value, which ultimately led to the very catastrophe that is Sonic Boom, among other things. To put it simply, now everyone had a reason to complain (and review)

I first heard about Alpha and Omega through the trailers, but when they stopped airing them, I immediately forgot about it. It wasn't until I came across it by random when looking up the film's production company, Crest Animation, and its less than positive reception.

The film was released by the king shit-meisters Lionsgate (infamous for releasing direct to DVD catastrophes of all kinds, including a Twilight parody that makes you pine for Seltzerburg's Vampires Suck), and was produced by Richard Rich's Crest Animation, best known for The Swan Princess and, more infamously, The King and I.

The film was directed by both Anthony Bell and Ben Gluck. The former had almost no experience in cinema, having worked on shows like The Wild Thornberries, As Told by Ginger, The Simpsons, Happily Ever After: Tales for Every Child and The Boondocks, all, no doubt, good shows, but not close to actual cinema. As for the latter, prior to directing this movie, he only really directed one movie, Brother Bear 2 (a direct to video movie). I personally hate the Brother Bear movies, but I won't say Ben had any impact on it (blame the writers).

My point? Making two directors who had no major experience in professional cinema work on a feature length movie is bound to backfire. The movie itself was a modest box office success, but critically? Not so. It currently has a 13% on Rotten tomatoes, and believe me, there's a reason for that. Enough beating around the bush, let's get into this.
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So we start off with a panning shot of the mountains, showing off the title, along with the stellar computer animation that wouldn't look out of place in an episode of Sonic Boom. What year was this made in again? 2010? Beautifulllllllll.......

After that, we cut to one of our leads, Kate, training with her sister Lily. Alongside, we see out second lead, Humphrey, screwing around on a bobsled with his fellow omegas. Considering what'll be shown later on, this'll be the most normal thing you'll see in the movie.

Before I continue on with the plot, one thing you'll immediately pick up from the movie is the designs. These wolves don't look anything like wolves, let alone appealing. You know those troll doodles that're meant to make fun of wolves? That's what the wolves in this movie resemble. It feels as if the creators of this movie merely went on FurAffinity and looked for wolf artwork, converted the designs and made the movie on the spot.

Now, I know what you're thinking "BWWWWAAAAAWWHHHH! REM DER ANTHROMORPIK! ETZ TEH ARTYSTZ INTENTYION!". Well, look at it this way. While in, well, every cartoon and movie ever (with anthropomorphic characters), animals are portrayed in situations outside of their own normal environment. In Alpha and Omega, they're portrayed in their natural habitat and they still act like wolves. Hell, they even walk on all fours, something that good anthropomorphic characters don't do. The way they're made makes them look completely out of place, and considering what they're going for, it's just pathetic.

Back to the movie, Kate and Humphrey come across one another after Humphrey crashes, and from there, a connection is formed. Damn, even in the animated Titanic movies (the first two at least), the main leads had at least one line of dialogue before they knew it was meant to be. Kate walks off and Humphrey attempts to follow Kate, but is stopped by his pack leader Winston, played by Danny Glover. Oh how the mighty have fallen. I guess if your last name is Glover, you're doomed to appear in any bad modern movie. Just look at Crispin Glover.

Winston tells Humphrey that he can't be with Kate due to her being an alpha and Humphrey being an omega. Sigh... two things!

1. I'm not a complete expert on wolves in general, but alphas and omega aren't necessarily separate packs, they're part of a hierarchy.

2. The reason they classify alphas and omegas as such is to, you probably figured it out already, base it on Romeo and Juliet. Think about it, two people loving one another, them not being able to be with one another due to the packs they're part of, the title. This is about as original as Gnomeo and Juliet.

Anyhow, we skip past a few years and we see Kate going on her first hunt. Her fellow alphas trigger a stampede, which they get stuck in, and Kate goes to save them Oh gee, I wonder if they're going to go beyond the traits of that of a normal wolf for no good reason. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, I won- let's just show it. Through some parkour moves, which normal wolves couldn't possibly pull off, she saves the alphas. About as awesome as Sunny D.

Later on, we see Winston speaking with the alpha pack leader, Tony, played by Dennis Hopper in his final role, and to think that prior to this, he only had the Super Mario Bros. movie tarnishing his resume. They're talking about how the valley they're in is going through a massive famine. Tony threatens Winston to unite their packs (which wouldn't be the issue if the writers did proper research on wolves in general), or he'll likely slaughter the omega pack. Tony claims that the one way to unite the packs is by having Kate marry his son Garth.

Question, aren't both Kate and Garth alphas? How would having them marry one another make a difference, when the better measure would be to have an alpha marry ann omega (in that case, Humphrey)? Oh right, then the movie wouldn't have any purpose, and we further need to drive the point that Kate and Humphrey should be together.

Moving on, we see the wolves engaged in a moonlight how, which of course translates to OOC wolves dancing and singing like Christina Aguilera. Garth meets Kate, and Humphrey, not satisfied, drops down and makes an ass of himself. I'd like to bring up that Garth has yet to instigate Humphrey and Kate in any way. This isn't Beauty and the Beast where the main female is antagonized by a pig of a man. Oh how I miss Gaston.

Kate ditches Humphrey and goes to the peak with Garth, where he engages in a how. But, it doesn't go so well, with Garth making a less than stellar howl, causing Kate to bail. Let me get this straight, you'd rather watch as your tribe slaughters another, and likely die, all because a wolf's howl wasn't satisfactory? How shallow.

Kate rejoins Humphr- oh I'm sorry, he appears again to denounce Garth some more. I've seen people in Joe the King who were more considerate than Humphrey. Soon enough, both wolves are shot with tranquilizer darts, which leads to a scene that is certainly no Madagascar. The two are then taken away by a group of rangers. Their respective packs hear about this, and the alphas warn the omegas are then warned by the alphas that Kate must return by the next full moon, which shouldn't be an issue, since the next full moon is within about three- oh wait, the creators don't know jack shit about logic. The two wake up in a new valley, where they are greeted by two ducks, Paddy and Marcel. After a pointless chase scene, which proudly displays the creator's ignorance of physics, Kate and Humphrey learn that they were taken to help repopulate.

Ok, points for not using the humans are evil cliche, but you're still in negative numbers. The two attempt to make it back to their home valley, and they do so by hitching a ride on the back of a truck that belongs to a couple consisting of a biker and a librarian. Still makes more sense than Sean Penn and Madonna, I guess. In all seriousness, the odd coupling mentioned indirectly references how Kate and Humphrey are meant to be, differences aside. Not unlike, oh I don't know, every romantic movie ever!

Now, before I forget about it, as Kate and Humphrey try to make it back, we're treated to some bonding scenes between Lily and Garth. As opposed to the cliched and forced pairing between Kate and Humphrey, this romance plays out naturally. If they were the main focus, then I'd have no purpose criticizing this movie. But alas, the cliched coupling is what we're supposed to focus on here.

Following some more cliches, consisting of Kate helping Humphrey in certain situations, including one where Humphrey messes with a bear cub before getting confronter by its mother and other schlock, we get to- ah fuck it, I wanna see Lily and Garth again. Lily helps Garth to conquer his inability to howl properly, which they do. We return to Humphrey who howls also, which is enough to seal the deal with Kate. Hey, remember when connections could be formed without stooping to menial stuff and cliches? Can we go back to that, please?

The two eventually make it back, but not before getting confronted by Tony, because hey, we have a, quite frankly, needless marriage to get through. Kate agrees to it, and everything ends happily. Cut to the next morning, Humphrey claims that he's going to leave the valley to see the world, heh, good riddance, and Kate soon joins Garth. Unfortunately, before the two could get together, putting this movie to an end, Kate claims that she doesn't really love him. Thus causing the, quite frankly, schizophrenic packs to fight one another.

The fighting causes a stampede to happen. But wait a minute, there's a famine going on, how could there be a stampede if there're no animals, let alone enough of them to engage in one? Winston and Tony get trapped in it, and Humphrey, somehow making it back in time, helps as Kate goes to retrieve Winston and Tony. She does, but she ultimately gets trampled, even as Humphrey tries to save her.

And of course she survives, what did you expect? To the people who worked on this movie, logic is just an option. After all that has happened, Kate and Humphrey are allowed to be together, same with Lily and Garth, and they engage in another moonlight howl, where Kate and Humphrey howl together, thus putting an end to this movie.
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And that was Alpha and Omega, a true testament to how much originally has depleted. The framework of this movie is similar to past films, which have done a much better job at being different, the film ignores logic, it has no proper baring on wolves in general, and it's just a forgettable movie overall. The fact that this movie has earned a total of four sequels (each of them, thankfully, only being straight to DVD) makes me weep for movie viewers these days, especially considering the fanbase (one of which, being a documented lolcow) who supports it.

So in conclusion, you're better off sticking with romances that don't suck, nor appeal to only children and furries. I'm REM, and until we meet again, good day.

Ratings

Animation: 3.5/10
Story: 3/10
Acting: 4.5/10

Final Rating: 10/30