The late-90s and early-2000s had a certain unique flavor when it came to music (well among other things.) I'm not saying music nowadays is crap (though to be fair, some songs do reek), but it didn't hold as much variety. In the 90s/2000s, we had a little bit of everything, alternative rock and southeners who want to worm their way into teen culture, nu metal (though to be fair some bangers sufficed), and of course(?), pop groups. Won't name any just yet, but there was, well duh, a time when these bands were inescapable, and nobody knew this better than their record label.
So to further bank on their names and because these people know the only thing keeping them out of a McDonalds uniform was trying to keep some presence on the charts, they tried (or were forced into) acting. Some were able to pull it off, Justin Timberlake I guess, but others... I mean you tell me. And we owe a big skid mark in their careers to Lou Pearlman, more in a bit.
The film was directed by Lionel C. Martin of Queens, New York, represent, a music video director who some may recognize for directing the music video for Biz Markie's Just a Friend, as well as videos for certain artists who wound up appearing in this film. This is also one of two movies Martin directed. Before, he helmed How to Be a Player, a film backed by Def Jam Records which wasn't any better.
I can't blame Martin for this, because he wasn't the one who ran countless names through the ringer. That honor goes to Lou Pearlman. Pearlman represented practically every artist who appeared in this film, only to get done in by a Ponzi scheme in 2006, where he would die in custody about ten years later, against a 25 year sentence. Also found a parallel to Colonel Tom Parker, both exploited their connections to their artists by releasing albums under their own labels, Parker on the infamous spoken word album Havin' Fun With Elvis on Stage and the soundtrack to this film was released on Pearlman's own label.
Among the artists featured are Britney Spears (who I admittedly have some respect for due to most of her songs being more clever than I gave them credit for), O-Town (who many of you may know for that one song) NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Aaron Carter (who is better known nowadays for flip flopping on his political views) and those are just the names I recognize. But wait, there's more. They also got some regular celebrities in this too.
Gilbert Gottfried was in this (then again, he also appeared in an Angry Video Game Nerd episode, then again he is also on Cameo.com so James Rolfe probably shelled out enough money to warrant a grander appearance), Dwayne Johnson apparently appeared in this too, we even get appearances from Screech and Lisa from Saved by the Bell. Also, Danielle Fishel appears in this, aka Topanga from Boy Meets World, aka that one girl from Gamebox 1.0 that Brutalmoose covered, and she even appeared in an episode of The Nightmare Room which I covered a while back. She has such a familiar face.
The film was produced on a budget of over 20 million dollars, though it never received a theatrical release. It was aired on Disney Channel and later got a home video release through a company too obscure to mention.
Before I go any further, the above and this were written before I saw the film. Sometimes I go into something thinking I'd hate it, but I find that I just overreacted. On the other hand, a pop group oriented movie is giving me flashbacks to School Gyrls, which I consider to be the worst movie I've ever seen. I don't know how bad this movie could be, but I'd like to consider it better than School Gyrls by default.
Now enough rambling, here's some more rambling
Going into this, you'd think that this movie would center entirely on one of the aforementioned musicians, and you'd be wrong. The artists only appear in what amounts to cameo roles. We gotta place some focus on a young boy who's brother happens to be a gigolo, who isn't Deuce Bigalow. Plus basketball, and being in New York City. If I ask these producers what Albany is I doubt I'll get a straight answer. Ironically, while lower budget productions set in New York often get shot in Vancouver, this movie was shot in Toronto. I have a gut feeling it's cheaper to produce something in Ontario than it is in British Columbia, unless they wanted to be cutting edge.
The film starts with a prologue featuring members of the band O-Town, and as someone who's finger is far from the pulse of musical culture, I admittedly had to look it up. My only clue is that one of the members was referred to by name. In what seems to be a meta joke, the band watches a bunch of obnoxious assholes who even I can't understand who're giving away free copies of the film we're watching.
In some twisted way, this wouldn't make the movie much better, but here's an idea. What if this movie was about a boyband starring in a movie and it's just them watching and riffing on it the whole time? It may be crap, but at least it'd give a sign of a sense of humor on an executive's part. To be fair, they try to incorporate that, but the way they go about it, it just amounts to a funny little thing they do before the movie starts. Perhaps the almighty dollar wasn't enough to make O-Town satisfied.
Then we get to the good shit. B-ball. I will say this, going by the cold open and a general idea on how the actual movie starts, I have more confidence with this than School Gyrls, and this is my first time seeing it. Anyway, rather than establishing our main character right out of the gate, we start with the conflict at hand, him playing a game that unknown to him, would play a big part in his social standing.
After some padding, which suggests that the director believes nobody knows what basketball is, we get a sloppy introduction to the main, Alex. I'm aware that he's about to fuck up because, aside from the fact that if he didn't there'd be no drive to the plot, they spell it out. The coach claims that Alex has the kind of shot capable of evening (or exceeding) the score. If you weren't able to predict a downfall, this is very likely the first basketball-related movie you've ever seen, if not your first exposure to movies.
I don't know if it's better or worse they get the conflict going right away. On one hand, it's over and done with, on the other, it's the first quarter and it may get worse or nowhere at all, and on another hand that sprouted out of nowhere, we could've had a nothing or crap establishment scene(s) before this one.
All I really got from that was reaffirmation that only idiots take sports that seriously. Too offensive? Well how about sports are a case for the theory of evolution. I say while typing away and sitting on my bed. Also pizza...
Up next we see Justin Timberlake as a valet getting scolded and fulfilling his cameo quota. He manages to fuck with his boss by relaying orders to another valet, i.e. the opposite of what not to do. The acting is mediocre in this, though Timberlake looks as though he's trying his best. I did catch one thing, the music overpowers the dialog in short bursts. It's N*SYNC, but Timberlake pretends he doesn't recognize it. Better than stroking his ego, I mean I guess it's better, then again he isn't the star and it's all about getting the music out on a shallow husk of a movie. Then we get narration out of nowhere, and I get the idea that the movie was made on the basis that every minute of it was its last. The narration comes from the brother who's getting mental tail as a fitness trainer, and may be on the onset of Salmonella as he goes for the number one fitness stereotype in the book, drinking a glass of raw eggs.
Gilbert Gottfried comes in, and, okay, he's in his element. With that kind of voice the element of surprise is gone. After dealing with some assholes, one of which being dead by 101 in 2015 Ellen Albertina Dow, we see Alex and Topanga and we get some good ol' awkwardness. Then again, this is carried out better than in Reanimated, though it's still dull. It gets cut off by some bitch, though this bitch automatically has more likability than Bambi (School Gyrls), only because she doesn't have as many lines.
Back to the brother, we get an introduction to his gigolo work, along with a desperate meta joke about how this is some dumb cheesy teen movie with a lot of cameos. The joke alone is better than any of the fourth wall breaks in The Garfield Show, and I really hope this is the last time I compare anything to this movie. Anyhow, what's the one thing a forgettable yet idiotically cheesy needs? Why an over-the-top villain of course. The brother gets assaulted by two thugs, yada yada blows his car up, car chase through the city, helicopter, all just to get to the villain's mansion, Laszlo Price.
Along with an incredibly lazy name, Price's drive is that one of the brother's clients was his wife. For renumeration, Jack (and why did I take so long to say his name) is forced to take on a client who has a connection to a failing business, less he wants to get baseballs perpetually launched into his testicles. Price comes off as uncaring yet somehow hammy at the same time. Of course Jack seems to care just as little, which is why this is the only thing he has ever worked on, and he wrote and produced it. Though something tells me he wants to make Alex sound better by comparison, which he does by the way.
However, in spite of caring less than Alex, Jack has a more interesting plot on paper, Alex just goes through the high school drama checklist.
Then it occurred to me, I don't really need to go any further. It's a trainwreck, but not a must-see kind of trainwreck. I cut out early, not because it was that bad, but because it was actually kinda boring. The copy I saw was divided into ten parts, I got a few minutes into the third. The movie essentially peaked too early.
The film starts with a prologue featuring members of the band O-Town, and as someone who's finger is far from the pulse of musical culture, I admittedly had to look it up. My only clue is that one of the members was referred to by name. In what seems to be a meta joke, the band watches a bunch of obnoxious assholes who even I can't understand who're giving away free copies of the film we're watching.
In some twisted way, this wouldn't make the movie much better, but here's an idea. What if this movie was about a boyband starring in a movie and it's just them watching and riffing on it the whole time? It may be crap, but at least it'd give a sign of a sense of humor on an executive's part. To be fair, they try to incorporate that, but the way they go about it, it just amounts to a funny little thing they do before the movie starts. Perhaps the almighty dollar wasn't enough to make O-Town satisfied.
Then we get to the good shit. B-ball. I will say this, going by the cold open and a general idea on how the actual movie starts, I have more confidence with this than School Gyrls, and this is my first time seeing it. Anyway, rather than establishing our main character right out of the gate, we start with the conflict at hand, him playing a game that unknown to him, would play a big part in his social standing.
After some padding, which suggests that the director believes nobody knows what basketball is, we get a sloppy introduction to the main, Alex. I'm aware that he's about to fuck up because, aside from the fact that if he didn't there'd be no drive to the plot, they spell it out. The coach claims that Alex has the kind of shot capable of evening (or exceeding) the score. If you weren't able to predict a downfall, this is very likely the first basketball-related movie you've ever seen, if not your first exposure to movies.
I don't know if it's better or worse they get the conflict going right away. On one hand, it's over and done with, on the other, it's the first quarter and it may get worse or nowhere at all, and on another hand that sprouted out of nowhere, we could've had a nothing or crap establishment scene(s) before this one.
All I really got from that was reaffirmation that only idiots take sports that seriously. Too offensive? Well how about sports are a case for the theory of evolution. I say while typing away and sitting on my bed. Also pizza...
Up next we see Justin Timberlake as a valet getting scolded and fulfilling his cameo quota. He manages to fuck with his boss by relaying orders to another valet, i.e. the opposite of what not to do. The acting is mediocre in this, though Timberlake looks as though he's trying his best. I did catch one thing, the music overpowers the dialog in short bursts. It's N*SYNC, but Timberlake pretends he doesn't recognize it. Better than stroking his ego, I mean I guess it's better, then again he isn't the star and it's all about getting the music out on a shallow husk of a movie. Then we get narration out of nowhere, and I get the idea that the movie was made on the basis that every minute of it was its last. The narration comes from the brother who's getting mental tail as a fitness trainer, and may be on the onset of Salmonella as he goes for the number one fitness stereotype in the book, drinking a glass of raw eggs.
Gilbert Gottfried comes in, and, okay, he's in his element. With that kind of voice the element of surprise is gone. After dealing with some assholes, one of which being dead by 101 in 2015 Ellen Albertina Dow, we see Alex and Topanga and we get some good ol' awkwardness. Then again, this is carried out better than in Reanimated, though it's still dull. It gets cut off by some bitch, though this bitch automatically has more likability than Bambi (School Gyrls), only because she doesn't have as many lines.
Back to the brother, we get an introduction to his gigolo work, along with a desperate meta joke about how this is some dumb cheesy teen movie with a lot of cameos. The joke alone is better than any of the fourth wall breaks in The Garfield Show, and I really hope this is the last time I compare anything to this movie. Anyhow, what's the one thing a forgettable yet idiotically cheesy needs? Why an over-the-top villain of course. The brother gets assaulted by two thugs, yada yada blows his car up, car chase through the city, helicopter, all just to get to the villain's mansion, Laszlo Price.
Along with an incredibly lazy name, Price's drive is that one of the brother's clients was his wife. For renumeration, Jack (and why did I take so long to say his name) is forced to take on a client who has a connection to a failing business, less he wants to get baseballs perpetually launched into his testicles. Price comes off as uncaring yet somehow hammy at the same time. Of course Jack seems to care just as little, which is why this is the only thing he has ever worked on, and he wrote and produced it. Though something tells me he wants to make Alex sound better by comparison, which he does by the way.
However, in spite of caring less than Alex, Jack has a more interesting plot on paper, Alex just goes through the high school drama checklist.
Then it occurred to me, I don't really need to go any further. It's a trainwreck, but not a must-see kind of trainwreck. I cut out early, not because it was that bad, but because it was actually kinda boring. The copy I saw was divided into ten parts, I got a few minutes into the third. The movie essentially peaked too early.
Overall
With a mediocre atmosphere, some familiar faces and exploitation of stars in the right areas, along with a small sense of bearability, this movie is mostly better than School Gyrls. Whether or not I sit through anything all the way through shouldn't matter. The only reason I bothered seeing the latter all the way through was because I did so when it was new.
I also bothered to watch that film in its entirety because I felt like I struck gold; I found my own worst movie ever, one that hasn't really been touched yet, so I needed to get as many details from it as possible for a cohesive review (as with MP4ORCE). For this, it seems like the perfect "worst ever" film, going by how it was made, but really, this is just a mediocre movie.
Somehow this film feels more like a ponzi scheme with more legal intentions. They promoted a movie that involved various artists, well the songs were played and the artists themselves appeared in some capacity. I don't know what anyone would've expected from something like this, if they wanted more money they should've pushed for a theatrical release.
Did this movie entice me to check out the artists present? I already know about many of these, so this movie is lost on me. I think the producers behind this would've been fucked no matter what route they took.
No comments:
Post a Comment