The Night of the Headless Horseman review

 The animation's crappy: 3 word review.

Full review...

Years ago, I covered The Haunted Pumpkin of Sleepy Hollow, one of many animated movies geared out by Porchlight Entertainment in the 2000s. Constant viewings and getting through revisits had made me a fan of it.

In it I teased the existence of a movie that came out before. For a lack of better ideas for Halloween-themed reviews, I figured I'd retrieve this from the depths of the forgotten (forgotten by my standards, people have reviewed this before me.)

History

The Night of the Headless Horseman was produced and aired on Fox in 1999. Around this time they began airing holiday specials, with the previous one being Ollie the Other Reindeer which doesn't leave as good of a taste as it did back then for me. Or maybe I'm just grumpy.

The movie was directed by Shane Williams, as one of the only films to his credit, the other being a documentary in relation to UFO sightings in Stephenville. He had more credits as an animator, one of which includes for Barney and Friends (and I don't think it's cool to hate it anymore, I believe a former victim of BlackBusterCritic resurfaced and got away with a documentary.) though he also did work on Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius having also did work on an old Steve Oedekerk special beforehand and Sausage Party.

Apparently he also did work on Last Ounce of Courage, I think Cinema Snob covered it and I haven't seen him in a long time, but him going full banana sandwich on a political basis is sounding legit. But back on that he also worked as an assistant editor. Since he's credited for that and the animation department it's safe to say it's the same guy. To round out his work, he got his start on Werewolf, which was covered in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

This was the only credit to its animation studio, Computer Animated Technologies, and I assume Williams helmed that. The only other company credited to this aside from Fox is Cinematek Productions. They were based in Texas and were supposedly active until 2014, primarily producing advertisements. Given the correlation between Cinematek's location, Williams' involvement in that documentary and his potential conservative lean, I'm gonna assume this movie was produced entirely in Texas.

Given that this was during an era where CGI was considered cutting edge, big names were secured for this movie. We have William H. Macy as Ichabod Crane, Clancy Brown and Bill Fagerbake are in this together, and I was willing to guess this was another Campfire Stories type meeting between both, but SpongeBob SquarePants was already out. Luke Perry was in this too, and he seemed to be willing to do anything, from this, to starring in a low-budget movie put out by York Entertainment and Maverick Entertainment Group (code for, releasing anything for a quick buck)

Only other actors I recognize are Debby Derryberry (who I assume to have been based in Texas at the time as she starred in another Texan production Jay Jay the Jet Plane), Jeff Bennett (at least it's not Charlie Adler) and Mark Hamill. It aired in 1999, had been released on VHS but thankfully isn't lost.

Plot

After getting an implication the animators were proud of how they did the background (alright they use this to show the opening credits, guess that's why), like Haunted Pumpkin, this begins as someone is getting chased and promptly slain by the Headless Horseman. While not as awkward as Ichabod in Haunted Pumpkin, the guy here has a bigger ass in this movie. Admittedly there's no holes to the guy getting slain, he's ran to the point of exhaustion and moves according to how much energy he has left, that's actually a pretty nice sense of attention to detail.

However, unlike Haunted Pumpkin where the means of Ichabod's death was shown, it cuts just as the blade of the Horseman's sword strikes the neck. You could say this was aimed for a younger audience, but we see blood, a puddle of it. Maybe it's the lesser of two evils and the implication is kept, but unlike people who freak out over something being too extreme for kids, I know where I stand. Oh, and we see the Horseman part with Ichabod's head in hand.

On one hand, it's not wise to start your story toward the end because it kills any suspense you might have. On the other, it'd show faith in people who know about the gothic horror tale and perhaps the story, characters and motives could affect your perception of the ending. Back to Haunted Pumpkin, if you hadn't heard of the original story, Ichabod's death is meant to showcase the plot of the gothic horror and establish his motives. This is just a near retelling. I was gonna guess the man was Ichabod, but I could be wrong.

Speaking of retelling, we get our framework, where two men are discussing the events of the killing, and there is a twist, I'll save it for later. And in case you didn't get the idea at first, you're given backstory on the Headless Horseman, and, hate to bring it up again, Haunted Pumpkin did this as well. I don't know why I'm bringing it up when nobody knows what I'm talking about, but nobody ever comments so, screw it. I'd question if Hessian Mercenary is redundant since Hessian coincide with German soldiers who aided the British army, but I could be wrong.

After the catch-up, we meet Ichabod (Who looks like an ancestor to Hugh Neutron. I'm starting to think me bringing up Williams' participation on Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius is more than just a piece of trivia)

Just look at that chin.

Anyway, Ichabod is riding alongside Hans Van Ripper. I'm not entirely familiar with the original tale, but something tells me his name is a giveaway. All that occurs from here is banter in regards to Sleepy Hollow's history in regards to slayings, leading up to that of the Headless Horseman. Thankfully we don't get a retread here, but an idea of a path he favors.

Katrina Van Tassle is soon brought up, and I had to bring her up by name because she does have significance in the original story, nothing much, aside from being a key driving force that I'm close to spoiling. Anyway, it seems this was either not made for kids or the writers had too much faith in them, Katrina has cleavage, and I should be thankful I don't use Twitter anymore.

Along with her, we are introduced to Brom Bones, and are given an additional idea on whom will get the dominos to fall. Brom's convincing in terms of his performance, he can pull off someone who's on the spot and desperate to save face in front of a girl he likes, but Katrina sounds forced. It's no wonder I never heard of the actress that played her. Ichabod arrives, and immediately Katrina favors him, though something tells me she wants to get Brom off her hands. If the best way to get to a man's heart is through his stomach, poetry is the best way to get to a woman's heart through her brain.

What seems like needless padding in the form of bickering between Ichabod and Brom works to establish their dynamic. Ichabod and Katrina solidify their bond with a performance of Amazing Grace, and I'm thankful this is taking place in Sleepy Hollow and not Harmony (Night Visions reference, plugging an underrated series)

After dinner at her home, we get more insight to the Headless Horseman, and everyone knows these creatures come during the dark, which is what this warning amounts to here, also Ichabod may even be an ancestor to Shaggy Rogers, food comes to mind stronger than the warning he receives.

Anyway, speaking of random cartoon characters, Bill Fagerbake comes in as Dolphus, and while he was able to mask his better known voice when he acted in Jumanji: The Animated Series, here, it sounds like Patrick Star trying to be dramatic. And once more we get a discussion on the Headless Horseman. We have a lot of different perspectives, but they only truly work with different interpretations. Sure it's told differently each time, but it coincides with one common interpretation. Now sure these tellings aren't for nothing, but I guess they wanted to try and make it to an hour with commercials however they could, though this time they lay the hessian terminology redundancy to rest, even if they throw in a definition of a mercenary. Oh, and while they're too afraid to show someone's head getting chopped off, they sure aren't afraid of showing someone getting shot and stabbed. Priorities.

Sidenote, the Horseman pre-headless is voiced by Jeff Bennett. If you had to pick someone to do a faux German accent, I guess he was the best option, and I appreciate them trying to keep with the original tale. You can't give a Hessian a British accent. By the way, the guy that was stabbed was responsible for beheading the Horseman, done by cannon. And take back what I said about being too afraid to show the head being removed, we barely get a glimpse of it happening here. So with a proper establishment of the Horseman's motives, the tale ends with Ichabod wanting a kiss, and an implication of where a commercial would be placed on initial broadcasts.

Brom creeps in to creep on Katrina, and his presence causes a plate to shatter (you could say low data real estate might've prevented them from simulating the effect), but shattering had been possible since The Christmas Light in 1995, and even here during a second break. I blame poor modeling for ruining the illusion. Brom comes off less as someone violent and willing to carry out a crime, and more as someone who's pathetic at best. Either setting up for a twist, or a tragic villain origin story.

To Ichabod, we learn that back then there were 13 states, can you name three? We get an allusion to populating the land to the west and the fear many had of doing so in the first place. Now let's see, Chaz, Portland, California... I say just stay away from the west coast. Though it seems Ichabod fears Iowa, hey I feel ya, that's where Quinton Reviews comes from. If Iowa's untamed, Missouri's schizophrenic (it's a southern state yet it's set within the midwest.)

Brom messes with Ichabod, and we get the scariest thing in this movie. Debby Derryberry. Okay I'm effing with ya, she's not scary, but this is meant to test Ichabod's courage to likely keep him from Katrina. But it doesn't work and he's told who actually did what was done done (that wasn't a typo by the way.) Brom confronts Ichabod, threatening him to stay away from Katrina, and it's jarring from when he was just messing with him, though it seems his threats have no true weight to them. Brom is shunned by Katrina's father and Ichabod is considered his best option for a suitor to Katrina.

Hijinks ensue as Brom attempts to suffocate Ichabod and everyone at church with smoke. Though this is meant to clear all but Ichabod out as Brom arrives disguised as the Headless Horseman to scare him, and it works, but he gets knocked out and that deal went the way of the hessian mercenary, or so I thought. With the idea that Katrina may settle for Ichabod, Brom wants to confront him as the Headless Horseman, knowing that he'd believe what he sees. But this turns out to be a setup for Brom summoning the demon himself, no doubt with a grim price to pay.

After an admittedly decent nightmare scene, Ichabod is visited by Dolphus who pitches a faux invite from Katrina to lure him to the Headless Horseman's breeding ground, and that would've been too obvious, so such an event actually happens. Nothing more to say about the party other than that the lighting's so muddy a violinist looks like he's playing with air. For the next few minutes we see Ichabod and Katrina dance, okay it's not the most awkward thing in this movie, the movement's good enough, you don't need to rub it in.

After this, Ichabod meets with the males to discuss stories, as specified with what the party involves, though this is used as a ploy to keep Ichabod away from Katrina, and guess what? It's another tale in relation to the Headless Horseman. As Ichabod is shown out of the manor by Katrina's frankly indecisive father, a run-in is imminent. Suspense is performed, dialog is made and... something comes of it. Even a long chase scene isn't a bad thing here because suspense is maintained. But then you hear Ichabod declare a plea for sanctuary, and if you remember Haunted Pumpkin, or better yet the original tale, you know how it'd end for him.

At this point, the death of Ichabod threw a spike in my spokes. It's something you have to see to believe. If you thought the animation was decent up until now, this seemed like it was finished last and within a few minutes.

Now about that twist. First off, Brom actually manages to wed Katrina, and that deal he made with the Horseman brought him to the grave. Now for the twist, the storyteller was, in fact, the Headless Horseman himself. Apparently the Headless Horseman is a bit egotistical as he had to explain himself multiple times, and, get this, the man he told the story to was Washington Irving. I haven't seen something this meta... ever really, so good on them.

Animation

The animation's crappy... but not to the extent you imagine. It was okay for the time, nothing outside of the movies really topped this. There seemed to have been some ambition when this movie was made, they used their tools to whatever extent they could. Unlike Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa where it was clearly cobbled together within hours, unlike The Christmas Light where it was made in only the second year CG became streamlined, unlike The Littlest Light on the Christmas Tree where it's just low budget against a good story, it seemed like time was put into this.

But obviously the animation holds up poorly nowadays, such is the way with 90s computer animation. While traditional is timeless, CG reflects the power of computers at the time. An aura is present with the animation however, and it mostly goes with the more horrific aspects of the movie, but it seems close to the finish-line they either ran out of time or stopped caring.

Halloween specials are the perfect places to have dated CG animation, it could amplify the unnerving nature of their movies. I mean unless it's Where the Dead Go to Die where it's all just sheer desperation.

Overall

It's a shame the animation held up poorly, because this actually had a decent story. William H. Macy did great as Ichabod, and he had been known for lesser roles since then. The others should go without saying, they can pull through no matter what. The animation admittedly adds to the atmosphere, it looks so creepy and lends wonderfully to a sense of dread that increases as the movie goes on.

For a low-profile studio in their one and only hurrah, it wasn't too bad at all, and I'm glad the director found some form of work after this. Compared to Haunted Pumpkin, both stand on their own, Haunted Pumpkin is fun for kids, while this is what you'd go for if you want a grimmer tale, well in terms of animation past the 30s-40s.

Bah Humduck!: A Looney Tunes Christmas review

It's incredibly easy to associate animation with certain major companies. Everyone has their own aura whether they'd know about it or not. It keeps things varied and helps give major studios their own identity. But don't get me wrong, it's not always a good identity they'd have.

Enter Warner Bros. Animation. Don't get me wrong, they have good shows... from their heyday. But overtime, it seems their passion for it had gradually waned. It started with their so-so movies back in the 90s, and this is coming from someone who doesn't hate Space Jam, Back in Action or Ozzy and Drix, and before you may think it, I love The Iron Giant.

But as they went on, Warner Bros' animated efforts began to feel more and more bland, well to me at the very least, I am a man of ludicrous to nonexistent standards after all. It's peculiar, many of Warner Bros' animated productions are bland, but I remember them for some reason. While many of their shows can be exempt from this principle, their movies cannot. It was around the late-90s that Warner Bros. dove into the barren abyss that is direct-to-video.

Let's not beat around the bush, Warner Bros. on an animation basis is all about milking their old properties however they could, with a good story to justify it being an afterthought. It can be a crossover with something as out of the blue as the WWE... or it could be an adaptation of an old tale known the world over.

Tom and Jerry is easily the worst offenders in regards to Warner Bros.' direct-to-video output, from forgettable movies that have the same feel no matter the plot, to insertions into preexisting movies. Side note, these are why I don't hate the 1995 Tom and Jerry movie, aside from the fact that I'm not scared of change, I don't give a shit about how Sonic looks, plays or sounds, I don't care that Luan Loud's going to high school, I'm not Nick fucking Sorenson, I just happen to talk about cartoons.

Self-Background

I never had a definitive network growing up. I always alternated between Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network. My network nostalgia lies exclusively with TBS and Nicktoons Network, along with Lifetime and Lifetime Movie Network since it's what got me interested in obscurities. If I had to ballpark it, I'd say I watched Cartoon Network the most often as a kid, mainly around 2004-5 to around 2008-9 (I based this on the fact that I remember seeing Camp Lazlo when it was new)

Around that time, Cartoon Network frequently aired movies from Warner Bros.' D2V catalog, and other movies, but frankly Casper's Scare School is looking more and more like heaven every time I go back. I saw the Scooby-Doo flicks, the Tom and Jerry flicks, I remember seeing one starring Tweety which I may revisit someday, if I could remember the title, and this.

And since all I could say is that I remember watching the movie on Cartoon Network, I'd like to take a second to rant. I don't think Cartoon Network ever had a golden age. People who stuck around for the mid-2000s had merely been desensitized, anything would look good after (insert show that is irrelevant due to it hardly being around to begin with.)

I don't know where my history with Looney Tunes began, though it certainly wasn't through this. Furthest I could go back is a lecture regarding the music score on Falling Hare, and seeing Bugs Bunny on the back of a Golden Books story cover.

Movie Background

Going into this, I expected the title to be something in relation to the "night before" formula. Ba Humduck sounds cheap.

The movie was produced in 2006 and was directed by Charles Visser. Visser is mainly a storyboard artist who had done work for various Warner Bros. cartoons including Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain. He would also do work on The 7D, which is a hive for animators that have mostly dropped off.

Funny thing, the guy's primairy work reminds me of the one (I'm slating their gender as indeterminate due to contrasting sides), who made The Christmas Tree, Flamarion Ferreira. They were also a storyboard artist who would do work on The 7D, though while Ferreira would never direct again, Visser would go on to direct a few episodes of Scooby Doo... Get a Clue. And The 7D.

Oh yeah and he even had involvement in one of many Tom and Jerry D2V stints.

The film used the initial crop of actors who've been associated with Looney Tunes at the time, Jeff Bergman, Joe Alaskey (rest in peace), Maurice LaMarche (wait does he count? He's in practically everything with a vibrant pulse). Plus Tara Strong... the fact that she plays a character made for the movie doesn't bode well with me.

Complaining

If the title didn't imply it already, this is a retelling of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Don't get me wrong, I'd consider it to be a Christmas classic, moreso than Frosty the Snowman, but as a public domain tale that's easy to replicate, it's ripe for exploitation. For every adaptation I've seen, they follow the original story beat for beat, it's typically a filler tale for when writers are unable to do anything with their characters for a Christmas special. I liked the one Mr Magoo did and the Muppets can bring even the most downtrodden tales to life, but the duds surface the most often.

Personally, I'd love to see more specials based around It's a Wonderful Life, not only is it more powerful but it could give life to characters in their respective shows and above all, it shows that everyone is important in life. They wouldn't even need to try to incorporate a moral.

If you've seen more than a few D2V Warner Bros. movies, you'd figure they play it straight and only stray in the worst possible places. Whatever the perception, this movie is... present.

The root concept is maintained, this time set in the present. Once more the title does us in by giving away who the Scrooge stand in is- Daffy Duck. The Looney Tunes characters are, for a lack of a better term, all over the place. Their motives, occupations, the like changes for every adaptation. In this, Daffy is the owner of a shopping mall, and apply aspects of Scrooge here. Bugs Bunny is around, but not as much as you'd expect, and honestly I'm cool with it, was never a fan of Bugs. He's the warning guy essentially, or the Fred if you want the detailed sum-up.

Porky Pig takes on the Bob Cratchit role, and... I'm confused. Up until now, and after while I'm at it, Porky had no children, they give him a daughter for one movie. I take it the writers were unfamiliar with the fact that Sylvester the Cat had a son, it would make more sense to use what they had rather than make a new character. Before you assume it's because it's a girl voiced by Tara Strong, when it comes to one-timers, the worst thing you can do is make them bland or a pawn in a known story. That'd be like throwing in new characters because you can't come up with new ideas.

To add insult to injury, Sylvester is present in this movie as the Jacob Marley stand-in, so people who incessantly know about Looney Tunes lore would be collectively smashing their keyboards right about now. But odd character choices isn't the movie's downfall, though I'll still bring them up.

The ghost of Christmas past is represented by both Granny and Tweety. Why have both? Granny is at the very least a logical choice since she's technically the oldest (by Earth years if anyone's gonna bring up technicalities), now sure Tweety's her pet, but both can operate on their own volition.

The emotional weight of the trip back to the past is ruined ten fold, even Mr. Magoo pulled it off. The way this special goes about it, they practically glance over it, and then we remember the Daffy principle, where everyone hates him. Just know that every viewing hereafter leads to a physical and verbal scolding.

The Ghost of Christmas Present is Yosemite Sam. Okay I couldn't think of anyone better and I doubt they could've either, and Daffy witnesses how his miserly attitude affects Porky and his daughter, who plays under the happy no matter the circumstances card. You'd be less human if you're always happy no matter what because then it implies that life isn't good enough for you to recognize what's wrong in the world.

The Ghost of Christmas Future is... Taz. I would've picked Marvin the Martian, but honestly it'd be as random as the other choices. Aside from the time period, they did change one major aspect of this movie. The Tiny Tim stand-in lives. Once more, Mr. Magoo, even Muppets, Tiny Tim bites the big one and it plays a part in Scrooge wanting to better himself.

I'm not mad they abandoned a key point to the original story, just the fact that they show Daffy had died. Just a point blank statement would've been fine. It's not even cutting edge, it's a sterilization that appeals to 30 year old men who shit themselves when it comes to gross-out.

The daughter visits Daffy's grave, and that's the drive needed to get Daffy to his senses. Something tells me everyone really favored Tara Strong during production. No wonder she became a bitch.

Anyway, upon reawakening, it's just the post slumber scene of the original story with jokes in relation to Looney Tunes.

Overall

I had seen this movie more than once on television, maybe that's why I was able to remember it. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here right now. I can't call the framework here unfortunate, it's a bland story frame against a studio that gears out bland production after bland production. If animation studios were dogs, Warner Bros. had been neutered long ago, and overtime the area where a dick used to be had been sanded off.

All I got from this was a desire to see a standalone movie with Penelope Pussycat. I think they could get away with it nowadays.

Clownhouse Review

 Song of Choice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8PcvrovE7k

There's an old adage that has held true for ages. Separate the art from the artist. The artist may be a piece of shit who's one scandal away from getting the boot, but they do still have talent and have been involved with genuinely good shows (or shows that appeal to you regardless of their quality.) But that stigma could easily be broken if the artist was involved in something horribly egregious, and/or their work could have aspects that parallel their worst sins. I can never look at American Beauty the right way again after what Kevin Spacey has done.

But it gets worse when the guilty get caught early on, then released and continue like nothing ever happened, long before the MeToo movement came along, meaning anyone caught beforehand is able to roam free.

Enter Victor Salva, I can't be confident you all know him by name, but luckily you have me to talk your ears off with some good ol' behind the scenes trivia.

Salva got his start in the late-80s with a short film, one that would soon be discovered by Francis Ford Coppola. With the aid of Coppola's son Roman, Salva would be set to directing his first feature length film... and then he got V&.

I bring up his short film because it starred one Nathan Forrest Winters, and so did Clownhouse. Salva was a family friend who would have Winters over often (in one incident, Salva would let Winters play as Mowgli and have him run around in a loin cloth.) Not going unnoticed, when Clownhouse was released, Winters would become Salva's greatest opponent, getting Salva booked on molestation charges and child pornography possession, and Salva never worked again.

Actually no he didn't, Salva got out and went on to direct more movies. Winters would protest Salva's next feature Powder, but that went on and he would then direct more, and I wouldn't be surprised if Coppola himself helped Salva get out. What I mean by that is Coppola himself would help Salva on his other better known project Jeepers Creepers and its sequel, and straight up too through his rarely seen production company. There's appreciating the art over the artist, then there's enabling a shit artist. If Coppola gets outed on a scale as grand as Harvey Weinstein, I'd go back to Twitter and celebrate.

By the way, if you look up "Francis Ford Coppola pedophile" you'd understand I'm not just running my mouth on Salva and Coppola.

And the Movie

Clownhouse was produced in 1989 and received a wide release in 1990. Along with Winters, this film featured the debut of actor Sam Rockwell. Eh no tears pal, nearly everyone gets their start in trashy horror, if it hadn't been for Campfire Stories we wouldn't have had It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Aside from contributing cameras, Francis Ford Coppola had little involvement in this film. It wasn't until Salva was tarred that he really wanted to be part of Salva's career.

That burden was thrown onto his son Roman Coppola. Most I know of him was a directing gig on a Presidents of the United States of America music video. Coppola helped finance the film through his Commercial Pictures label. Commercial would go on to produce a David Cassidy flick the same year Clownhouse got a theatrical release and would go under for nine years, resurfacing only to help produce an independent flick by Christopher Coppola, and his name is all you need to know.

For better or worse, this wasn't picked up by a major distributor. In its initial theatrical run it was released through Vision International. The most I know of them was their involvement on Dark Angel (I Come In Peace as some know it), a Dolph Lundgren venture, but some may know them as the distributor for Mac & Me.

Also, Vision's distributor was Triumph Films, and I bring them up because of their own infamous filmography. After breaking from Gaumont and after Vision went under, Triumph essentially became a label for Sony that released films they had no confidence in. Case in point, the first two Baby Geniuses movies (and yes, there was more after the second, thank you producers behind That's So Raven and Even Stevens.)

When Salva went under, this film suffered as well. Salva was arrested during post production, around the time the film was getting redubbed due to Coppola being too retarded to make cameras that didn't emit as much noise as my six year old MacBook Air. By the way, Coppola himself essentially told Winters point blank that he would never work in the film industry again. Just a reminder, Coppola himself would help Salva produce the first two Jeepers Creepers films.

Anyway, the film was cut from further screenings after the arrest and it had a brief release on VHS. Though unlike Wired, another infamous film though thankfully not for the same reason, this movie actually got released on DVD at some point, through Metro Goldwyn Meyer. However, protests from the anti-Salva crowd caused this movie to go under. At this point it seemed MGM didn't even want to renew the rights to the movie, so for years, a copy of the film had circulated on YouTube, untouched.

I watch crappy movies, but at least I can say with confidence that I never wasted money to see them.

The Movie

Clownhouse is a slasher film themed around asylum escapees who dress as clowns and torment three brothers who're left alone while their mother's visiting relatives, and the youngest has coulrophobia. It's too early to call this kind of premise cliche, but if you're a horror junkie you can't help but draw parallels. I appreciate shittier horror movies for the fact that their ineptitude keeps things interesting or their morbidity provides some twisted appeal.

The film feels like a total slog, any attempts at suspense happen late into the movie, which for the record is the high point of the film in that regard. No matter how old a film is, you can smell a set up for a kill, and for all its casualties, they all have build-ups, none of them happen by surprise. The only thing that came close to surprising me was a gag involving a noose dangler prop in front of the boys' house, and a clever indication of a family casualty.

With a premise so hollow, a line-for-line wouldn't translate well here. But what of the brothers? Casey is Winters' character, and is basically around for the sake of adding dimensions to an otherwise dire cast of meat puppets or expendables. There's the middle child Geoffrey who's actor also appeared in both Salva's debut short film, and basically disappeared afterwards (maybe Salva locked him in the basement to make him that something (Something in the Basement's the name.) and Randy's the dead meat, why else would he be such a pain in the ass right out of the gate?

Back to my point on how hard it can be to separate the art from the artist, check this. We have a pedophile director, directing a film starring his prime molestation victim, and his first scene has him in his drawers in a lingering shot. Okay, to be fair it's long pajama bottoms with no shirt, but fret not, we see Winters' bare ass a few scenes later. This isn't uncommon with most shows and movies, but given the context behind the director, as well as the fact this usually happens in cartoons, it makes it all the more creepy. At least Chris Savino, Nolan Bushnell and John Lasseter went after people their age.

A bulk of this film is mostly dedicated to establishing the boys, we don't even see the killers in action until fairly late into the film, the most we got was shots of the criminals being out and about and a corny foreshadowing bit involving a fortune teller. As for the killings, a downside to them is that they always happen to characters we care less about, meaning that the only value they have is shock value.

The casualties I can remember are three clowns from the carnival, hence leading up to the film's namesake, then there was this one guy from a scene that felt like a set-up for an encounter with the killer clowns, but when you cut it out of the film it wouldn't effect the plot. We know the psychos mean business through them killing the actual clowns, that one extra casualty felt more like a quota fulfillment deal. And Randy, but you probably guessed that since he was the resident asshole.

But on the boys, there is one interesting aspect about it that is tainted by Salva's reputation, the dynamic between Casey and Geoffrey. Without context it seems like Geoffrey and Casey have a one-sided incestual relationship, but with what you know about Salva, it's as if Salva wants to live vicariously through Geoffrey. I don't care how much you love your sibling, if it's anything like Geoffrey to Casey it's going way too far. I imagine Something in the Basement had several scenes cut depicting anal between both of them.

The movie did stick in my head after my initial viewing, but there really wasn't much going on that warrants discussion, beyond what's been warped. Sad thing is there was a lot more to talk about in Longshot and I stupidly ducked out early. I sat through this and all I got out of this was sibling bickering, set-ups for kills, one solitary good scare extending to decent foreshadowing and the end where it felt like just enough was happening, and filth plaguing what was once negligible.

Overall

It's hard to view this film without Salva's legacy ruining it. Through as little as the chemistry between the boys (and ass), we'd get the implication, then when the shit hits the fan it'd be like "Whoa, I saw that coming." Without that in mind, this seems like a surface level slasher, with the only thing going for it aside from the occasional decent scene is the lack of gratuity which is a focal point to lowgrade films in that kind of jumble.

This kind of movie doesn't even have that much of an appeal on me. I love any horror movie that has cheesy dialog and scenes that give me more to feel, as well as anything with a strong sense of morbidity. The movie was played fairly straight here, and the most morbid thing that happened was one of the brothers dying. Most I could say that I liked was the chase scene during the climax, the darkness and near narrow nature of the house and the music tied it all together, but it's a shame it occurred so late into the movie.

All this movie gave me was a desire to see a horror movie made in relation to Salva's misdeeds, it's been a while since we got a movie in relation to a pedophiliac antagonist, and you'd be a fool to normalize pedophilia.

And you can watch this movie too and tell me if you feel uncomfortable at the worst possible times.

Top Worst Acting I've Encountered

The quality of a show/movie/whatever's acting can go a long way in determining the ambition of the creators involved. You can explain bad animation or low budget sets, even low quality scripts, but with bad actors, it's clear the one pulling the strings just wanted to get the project done. I've seen a lot of low budget schlock, so I've encountered many shiny turds in my travels.

Before I begin, I'd like to do some criteria, which may or may not be violated.

1. No one time actors unless they are so bad it warrants coverage or they're up against more mainstream actors. This would apply to television shows since they had multiple episodes under their belt.

2. For one exception, I won't go after painfully obvious choices, nobody from Birdemic or other infamous movies, they've been talked to death.

3. I won't put actors who can only be considered wooden at best. You'd have to write off every upstart or background actor as a result, unless they do so poorly it warrants it.

4. I won't go after actors I personally hate, it'd be unfair for me to list actors who're actually good at their craft (though horrible people off screen)

So now, here're my top worst actors I've encountered. Or- well you get the point. I don't know what you guys expected, but hype won't be my downfall.

#5-4 Donna Yamamoto: Street Fighter The Animated Series/Lisa Ann Bely: Darkstalkers

Ocean is/was a dubbing studio based in Vancouver. Aside from the shows I singled out, they were one of the original companies behind the initial Dragon Ball Z dub (after BLT Productions and Harmony Gold), and were responsible for that one meme that has been used over 9000 times already.

I put these together because they're both from the same company and are up for similar reasons

At best, their work is serviceable and are saved by decent casting choices, though they do better with comedic affairs. However, when it comes to more serious materials, they more often than not fall flat and become meme material later on down the road. Ignoring how bad the shows actually are, the acting didn't help matters.

For Street Fighter, my personal worst offender off it is Donna Yamamoto as Chun-Li. Donna is an Asian actress, but her performance gives off a vibe similar to Street Fighter Legend of Chun-Li. Admittedly, the only other voice I heard from the character was in Street Fighter II: The Movie, and while it isn't amazing, at the very least she was played by a non-Asian actress. Here, you're telling me an Asian actress can't pull off an accent indigenous to her nationality? Adding to this, Ryu was played by an Asian actress as well and sounds just as non-Asian. A hint would've sufficed, and while other actors tried to do Asian accents it sounded horrible, but non-Asians did it so it's something to expect. As an aside, Chun-Li in most scenes of the cartoon looks as though she was turned into a tanned brunette.

For Darkstalkers, this has worse direction than Street Fighter by far. The antagonists in this, save for the bastardized Anakaris, are played almost the same way, at least in terms of voice. Dimitri is nearly interchangeable with Pyron in terms of trying to do a booming voice, and Morrigan's voice sounds close to Hsien-Ko's in this.

Speaking of Hsien-Ko, she is played by Lisa Ann Bely in this, and Bely stands as my least favorite Vancouver actress, bar none. One thing I love about Vancouver's voice actors is that their range is underestimated. For instance, the voice of Simon Belmont in Captain N played Bruce Banner in Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes and that performance was awesome. Hell, Ocean redeemed themselves in the Darkstalkers OVA (and I don't care what people say, I thought it was okay.) What kills actors like these are the projects they're tied to and the direction, it practically ruined Ocean and took its toll on 4Kids' roster of actors.

But Bely never stood out to me. Every performance I've heard from her shows a very limited range, that range being the near-authoritative woman. It ruined the character of Cammy in the Street Fighter cartoon, lead to a bland rendition of Hsien-Ko, heck the only time she tries to go out of her comfort stone, she comes off as wooden, and less caring than other voice actors. In a way this is best shown by how little I've seen of her in other shows, I've caught other Vancouver actors in later productions at least twice, but for her, I only caught her in a role for a He-Man adaptation that RebelTaxi might've covered, and it didn't stick.

When Caren Manuel (the more infamous voice of Rouge the Bat) can prove herself in other roles, while Bely couldn't do as much as stand out...

#3 Sophia Coppola: Godfather III

Here's that one exception I've been alluding to, it's so not because she's a bad actress (just anyways), but because of her foundation in the role. The acting should go without saying, I don't even think a few extra months could've gotten a better performance out of her.

To get this out of the way, I hate the Coppolas. Francis Ford Coppola was the sole reason Sophia got signed on to this movie in the first place. If you want an idea on how that went down, check out an episode of The Critic, I hate the show but it's poignant in the least likely areas. Coppola's ambition had dwindled for the past few years, he was all about his image, his namesake, and however he could milk it.

For perspective, Coppola had produced a number of crappy TV movies, even crappy theatrical ones, he would use his children as a means to an end, making an honest approach at giving anyone a chance to shine seem scummy. Oh yeah, and one very small detail... he made a pedophile famous. Victor Salva.

Coppola discovered Salva through a short film starring a boy he would sexually exploit, he donated equipment from American Graffiti to help Salva with his theatrical debut, his son Roman helped produce his debut, and before you think Coppola put him out to pasture after Salva was outed, Coppola helped produce Jeepers Creepers, straight up through his production company, and even going into the second.

I'm more mad at Sophia for putting up with a vile piece of shit, though to be honest, even wooden actors were able to pull off a better kind of performance. Though I'm keeping her lower because I haven't looked up every aspect of the film's production and I don't want to tar her over something I missed.

The tidbit on Salva is meant to introduce a potential new review for the record, and Sophia is already so infamous for her role in Godfather III that it'd be a disservice to explain the obvious.

#2 Lindsay Taylor: School Gyrls

I talk about School Gyrls almost as often as I talk about Teen Titans, but that's because I'm the only one who really talks about it. Whatever I said about the movie, the main girls, while only a small notch above wooden, aren't the worst actors in this. I'd take wood over someone who either had horrible direction or had to ham it up, probably because of bad direction.

Lindsay Taylor had been acting since the 90s, and you'd think with someone who had plenty of roles under her belt that she'd improve more and more, but with this she goes back several notches, and goes up several more in the worst possible way.

The director wanted to make it clear that her character was meant to be hated, but that can be achieved with the classic yet ever ignored show don't tell policy. She doesn't say she's the evil one, but she grates to the point that you don't even want to see her establish herself. Like a parody of divas done through someone who had been bullied for several years and very likely deserved it because they drew first blood.

Even for something over the top it still feels forced, I'd rather have a Doctor Doom-type antagonist here, it'd be tacky, but a hell of a lot more bearable than what we got. I can never do this justice through explaining, and since this movie is on YouTube I don't have to.

#1 Unknown: MP4ORCE

And let's top off this list with me tooting my own horn, going off of a review I did of a crappy show nobody knows about. Call it metaphorical masturbation, but here, you tell me this level of acting doesn't deserve a spot close to or on one.

As for the reason why the actor isn't named... I couldn't tell who did it. I could recognize one of the actors, but it was for an entirely different girl. Her performance reeks of someone who had only started talking after years of just listening. I can't do it justice with an explanation, check out the video.

Right now, I need to go to the circus.