Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Top Worst Acting I've Encountered

The quality of a show/movie/whatever's acting can go a long way in determining the ambition of the creators involved. You can explain bad animation or low budget sets, even low quality scripts, but with bad actors, it's clear the one pulling the strings just wanted to get the project done. I've seen a lot of low budget schlock, so I've encountered many shiny turds in my travels.

Before I begin, I'd like to do some criteria, which may or may not be violated.

1. No one time actors unless they are so bad it warrants coverage or they're up against more mainstream actors. This would apply to television shows since they had multiple episodes under their belt.

2. For one exception, I won't go after painfully obvious choices, nobody from Birdemic or other infamous movies, they've been talked to death.

3. I won't put actors who can only be considered wooden at best. You'd have to write off every upstart or background actor as a result, unless they do so poorly it warrants it.

4. I won't go after actors I personally hate, it'd be unfair for me to list actors who're actually good at their craft (though horrible people off screen)

So now, here're my top worst actors I've encountered. Or- well you get the point. I don't know what you guys expected, but hype won't be my downfall.

#5-4 Donna Yamamoto: Street Fighter The Animated Series/Lisa Ann Bely: Darkstalkers

Ocean is/was a dubbing studio based in Vancouver. Aside from the shows I singled out, they were one of the original companies behind the initial Dragon Ball Z dub (after BLT Productions and Harmony Gold), and were responsible for that one meme that has been used over 9000 times already.

I put these together because they're both from the same company and are up for similar reasons

At best, their work is serviceable and are saved by decent casting choices, though they do better with comedic affairs. However, when it comes to more serious materials, they more often than not fall flat and become meme material later on down the road. Ignoring how bad the shows actually are, the acting didn't help matters.

For Street Fighter, my personal worst offender off it is Donna Yamamoto as Chun-Li. Donna is an Asian actress, but her performance gives off a vibe similar to Street Fighter Legend of Chun-Li. Admittedly, the only other voice I heard from the character was in Street Fighter II: The Movie, and while it isn't amazing, at the very least she was played by a non-Asian actress. Here, you're telling me an Asian actress can't pull off an accent indigenous to her nationality? Adding to this, Ryu was played by an Asian actress as well and sounds just as non-Asian. A hint would've sufficed, and while other actors tried to do Asian accents it sounded horrible, but non-Asians did it so it's something to expect. As an aside, Chun-Li in most scenes of the cartoon looks as though she was turned into a tanned brunette.

For Darkstalkers, this has worse direction than Street Fighter by far. The antagonists in this, save for the bastardized Anakaris, are played almost the same way, at least in terms of voice. Dimitri is nearly interchangeable with Pyron in terms of trying to do a booming voice, and Morrigan's voice sounds close to Hsien-Ko's in this.

Speaking of Hsien-Ko, she is played by Lisa Ann Bely in this, and Bely stands as my least favorite Vancouver actress, bar none. One thing I love about Vancouver's voice actors is that their range is underestimated. For instance, the voice of Simon Belmont in Captain N played Bruce Banner in Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes and that performance was awesome. Hell, Ocean redeemed themselves in the Darkstalkers OVA (and I don't care what people say, I thought it was okay.) What kills actors like these are the projects they're tied to and the direction, it practically ruined Ocean and took its toll on 4Kids' roster of actors.

But Bely never stood out to me. Every performance I've heard from her shows a very limited range, that range being the near-authoritative woman. It ruined the character of Cammy in the Street Fighter cartoon, lead to a bland rendition of Hsien-Ko, heck the only time she tries to go out of her comfort stone, she comes off as wooden, and less caring than other voice actors. In a way this is best shown by how little I've seen of her in other shows, I've caught other Vancouver actors in later productions at least twice, but for her, I only caught her in a role for a He-Man adaptation that RebelTaxi might've covered, and it didn't stick.

When Caren Manuel (the more infamous voice of Rouge the Bat) can prove herself in other roles, while Bely couldn't do as much as stand out...

#3 Sophia Coppola: Godfather III

Here's that one exception I've been alluding to, it's so not because she's a bad actress (just anyways), but because of her foundation in the role. The acting should go without saying, I don't even think a few extra months could've gotten a better performance out of her.

To get this out of the way, I hate the Coppolas. Francis Ford Coppola was the sole reason Sophia got signed on to this movie in the first place. If you want an idea on how that went down, check out an episode of The Critic, I hate the show but it's poignant in the least likely areas. Coppola's ambition had dwindled for the past few years, he was all about his image, his namesake, and however he could milk it.

For perspective, Coppola had produced a number of crappy TV movies, even crappy theatrical ones, he would use his children as a means to an end, making an honest approach at giving anyone a chance to shine seem scummy. Oh yeah, and one very small detail... he made a pedophile famous. Victor Salva.

Coppola discovered Salva through a short film starring a boy he would sexually exploit, he donated equipment from American Graffiti to help Salva with his theatrical debut, his son Roman helped produce his debut, and before you think Coppola put him out to pasture after Salva was outed, Coppola helped produce Jeepers Creepers, straight up through his production company, and even going into the second.

I'm more mad at Sophia for putting up with a vile piece of shit, though to be honest, even wooden actors were able to pull off a better kind of performance. Though I'm keeping her lower because I haven't looked up every aspect of the film's production and I don't want to tar her over something I missed.

The tidbit on Salva is meant to introduce a potential new review for the record, and Sophia is already so infamous for her role in Godfather III that it'd be a disservice to explain the obvious.

#2 Lindsay Taylor: School Gyrls

I talk about School Gyrls almost as often as I talk about Teen Titans, but that's because I'm the only one who really talks about it. Whatever I said about the movie, the main girls, while only a small notch above wooden, aren't the worst actors in this. I'd take wood over someone who either had horrible direction or had to ham it up, probably because of bad direction.

Lindsay Taylor had been acting since the 90s, and you'd think with someone who had plenty of roles under her belt that she'd improve more and more, but with this she goes back several notches, and goes up several more in the worst possible way.

The director wanted to make it clear that her character was meant to be hated, but that can be achieved with the classic yet ever ignored show don't tell policy. She doesn't say she's the evil one, but she grates to the point that you don't even want to see her establish herself. Like a parody of divas done through someone who had been bullied for several years and very likely deserved it because they drew first blood.

Even for something over the top it still feels forced, I'd rather have a Doctor Doom-type antagonist here, it'd be tacky, but a hell of a lot more bearable than what we got. I can never do this justice through explaining, and since this movie is on YouTube I don't have to.

#1 Unknown: MP4ORCE

And let's top off this list with me tooting my own horn, going off of a review I did of a crappy show nobody knows about. Call it metaphorical masturbation, but here, you tell me this level of acting doesn't deserve a spot close to or on one.


As for the reason why the actor isn't named... I couldn't tell who did it. I could recognize one of the actors, but it was for an entirely different girl. Her performance reeks of someone who had only started talking after years of just listening. I can't do it justice with an explanation, check out the video.

Right now, I need to go to the circus.

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