SIMPleSTAN reviews Kamp Koral

 Hello everyone, I'm SIMPleSTAN and Dan Schneider did nothing wrong.

I grew up with Stephen Hillenberg, he was the King, he was my Universe, he penned his way into my heart like a Silverman. Steve Marmel.

Now let's be serious. When I met Stephen at that con years ago, it was love at first sight. I met him and he said "Hi." Then I looked and also said "Hi.", and he was a nice guy, basically my best friend, we tweet at one another and I just know he likes what I say, we're basically brothers, only closer.

So when Kamp Koral was announced, I was like "OH hellls naw!", it went against the very vision of my idol/best friend/brother/husbando, and for no reason. I mean my Stephy-poo owns SpongeBob full stop, it's not like when he sold SpongeBob to the network they would have a big cut of ownership and hence be able to do whatever they want with it, especially since it made them so much money, this is the United States of Soviet Russia for Hillenburg sake.

But on Nickelodeon, the world is clearly out to get him, from the network to even football, that day they played Sicko Mode I burned all of my football memorabilia, that was a worse day than Colin Kapernick! I even got banned from Twitter, and I just innocently threatened artists who had involvement in Kamp Koral for the sake of my idol, now how can I threaten Nickelodeon through the power of naivety?

On the show, I can easily talk about how even if the animation was better than what we got in the promo that it wouldn't matter because television CGI would become dated in years, it's basically aping off of Camp Lazlo and doing nothing new or interesting and even shit like Fanboy and Chum Chum is more interesting by default, but that's not why it sucks, it's because it hurt the feelings of my boo and hurt continuity

Firstly, it fucked how SpongeBob and Sandy met, they meet in camp, WHEN AKTULLAY THEY MET IN TEA AT THE TREEDOME, I SHOULD KNOW, IT WAS ONE BOTTLE OF LOTION AGO! Plus they have her into science which buttfucked the fact she was just someone from Texas who likes karate and that one time with the rocket was likely written by someone who hates my brother.

Second, it molested how SpongeBob and Patrick met, IN A JOKE IN THE SECREY BOX THEY OBVIOUSLY MET AS BABIES! WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE AN OFF THE CUFF GAG IS ABSOLUTELY WHAT HAPPENED ACTUALLY BECAUSE IT WAS WHEN MY LORD AND SAVIOR SAID SO!

Third, it raped how SpongeBob and Squidward met, SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD CLEARLY FIRST MET IN HELP WANTED BECAUSE IT WAS THE FIRST EPISODE THEY WERE IN! I DON'T CARE IF SQUIDWARD ALREADY KNEW HIS NAME, IF KAMP KORAL SAYS ANYTHING THEY HAVE TO ANSWER TO JESUS HILLENBURG! PLUS THAT LIKELY GOES BETTER FOR MR KRABS.

And as a bonus they try to do something cute with how SpongeBob and Gary met in Sponge on the Run, me cringe at it, Hillenburg... WOULD PROBABLY HATE HOW GARY MET SPONGEBOB, HE KNOWS BETTER THAN THE RETARDS AT NICKELODEON, HE DIED FOR OUR SINS! HILLALUJAH!

If my boy Hillenburg were alive he would probably cringe at it, he is already turning over in his grave over something that was out of his grasp- I mean something the meanies defiled-

(Okay author's note I will admit it was pretty scummy they announced a spin-off right after Hillenburg died, I'm not that big of an asshole)

It's disrespectful for this spin-off to exist, so let's speak out against this, go after people who like it and even the staff involved, all in his name, because if there's one thing our savior would've wanted is for people to attack others in his name, THAT'S THE ULTIMATE FORM OF RESPECT! HILLENBURG HIMSELF TOLD ME TO SLAP MY SISTER FOR TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN ABOUT KAMP KORAL!

And I shall make Hillenburg proud by donning my exploding vest and heading over to Nickeldeon Animation Studios and kill them in the name of my savior!

I'm honoring his name!