Clockmaker Watch & Review

When you hear the name Coppola, you immediately think of Francis Ford Coppola, the Godfather trilogy, and a number of films that are regarded as cinematic classics. However, when I hear Coppola, I think of the fact that he helped finance a number of cheap TV movies, a failed TV pilot from 1995 (White Dwarf) and may be a pedophile.

Part 1. The Man

So uh, here's the thing.... I fucking hate Francis Ford Coppola.

Francis Ford Coppola, for his great contributions, isn't the bastion of quality people make him out to be. Coppola discovered Victor Salva in the mid-80s and his son Roman helped finance Clownhouse, which starred two boys Salva molested.

I can leave well enough alone if Coppola at least cut ties with him, but there's more to the story. Along with being a dick, in the form of telling one of Salva's abuse victims he will never work in Hollywood again, Coppola helped directly co-produce Salva's first two films in the Jeepers Creepers film series. The scars of child abuse never heal.

Not to mention he almost looks like Harvey Weinstein.

But I'm not here to focus on Francis Ford, or Roman Coppola, or even Sophia Coppola since Al Jean and Mike Reiss tainted that prospect because of their surface level perspective on the movie industry, rather, a more obscure part of it.

Enter Christopher Coppola, Francis Ford's nephew through Ford's brother August, who was also the father of Nicholas Cage. Seriously. This connection is shown through Cage's participation in one of Christopher's productions, Deadfall.

As Roman and Sophia were connected to Francis Ford, they were able to earn stronger footholds in the film industry, Roman had directed music videos in the past (like Presidents of the United States of America's Lump for instance), and he and Sophia managed Commercial Pictures with financing through Francis Ford.

Christopher was basically on his own, given that he abided to a more niche direction with his films, and didn't enjoy the same level of success. As the name Coppola had a reputation, higher expectations put him on a much lower ebb. I first heard of him through Gunfighter, which was co-produced by Commercial, if you hadn't heard of it, it's a straight-to-video movie.

I don't intend to waste money on getting the film if I only intend to watch it once, opening it and playing it would lower the value otherwise I'd have more junk in my closet. Luckily, Christopher directed another movie that's available to watch on YouTube.

Part 2: The Background

Clockmaker was released in 1998 through The Kushner-Locke Company, a name you're bound to... mostly recognize in the 80s. Kushner-Locke (also known through their joint venture with Atlantic Entertainment) helped produce Spiral Zone, Teen Wolf, as well as the films Pound Puppies: Legend of Big Paw and The Brave Little Toaster.

Separately, founders Donald Kushner and Peter Locke are known for their involvement in Tron and The Hills Have Eyes respectively. Kushner is also known for being Michael Richards' unintentional twin and co-owning the Chinese Theater with Elie Samaha, one half of Franchise Pictures' former founders. But to be fair, they have better respect for history than Meshulam Riklis and Pia Zadora.

But back to Kushner-Locke, by the turn of the late-90s their ambitions were running low. In that time they released The Adventures of Pinocchio, which once people start tainting the legacy of Disney's adaptation will I potentially stick up for, I mean thanks to Child's Play I like Pinocchio's Revenge and would go on to release Beowulf... 1999's Beowulf... which was co-produced by the guy who made Foodfight!... and before then made a market on corny action flicks with dated CGI effects... Mortal Kombat.

For some reason, Christopher directed this film under a pseudonym, Christopher Remy, the writer for this, Neal Marshall Stevens had done the same thing. On the topic, Stevens (having the same surname to the other Franchise Pictures founder Andrew Stevens, hey, I made that connection I gotta follow through), helped write for various horror movies, some notable ones being the screenplay for Thirteen Ghosts and a Hellraiser direct-to-video sequel. He had got his start writing episodes for Monsters, albeit episodes I haven't seen yet.

The film contains no well known actors. The only one to at least have an image is Pierrino Mascarino, who had scant roles in television series but had an appearance in Tears of the Sun.

The film was shot in Bucharest, Romania. Romania is a favored site when it comes to filming because their tax incentives provide more funding for the producers. This is also a reason why so many people film in Vancouver as Canada has more generous funding agents. One last piece of Romanian funding trivia, Beowulf was filmed in Romania.

I guess Germany isn't as generous when it comes to tax incentives or they just love cheesy horror flicks. They already one-upped Uwe Boll.

By the end of this, I'll probably want to check out Clockstoppers.

Part 3: The movie this time

Going into this movie, I don't hold high expectations. I actually appreciate lower-budget indie films because they give a more welcoming vibe. This is a reason why James Rolfe is so respected. But don't get me wrong, it's not all sunshine, isn't that right Daniel Farrands?

We start off with an opening sequence that's at the very least better than The Time Machine I Found at a Yard Sale, in that we don't focus on one singular clock with default title text. Then again I think someone wanted to show off their clock collection. It does kinda drag on, like we get it, clock is in the title and time is a focal point, I'm not asking for someone to skateboard to Huey Lewis, but there was a better way to go about.

Payoff to that is a spherical pocket watch, all I know about it is that it's spherical. SPHERICAL! Also held by someone who I only know from the poster, either foreshadowing or spouting a metaphor.

(please note I write these reviews as I watch the movie, so I'm breaking at least one rule)

We get a glimpse into what's meant to be... I dunno, New York? It's featured so many times in so many movies you'd have to assume. After a killer cartwheel, at the very least my clock collection joke wasn't for nothing, it's the first point of discussion for our heroes... a bunch of kids. Initial takeaways are his refusal to sell them, and knowing what people are going to say.

That I chalk up to seeing everything and knowing just how predictable everything is. The logical next step is contrarianism.

But first, casual sexism. This was incredibly common in the 90s, as in the girls are viewed as lesser to the boys. Mary Beth (the girl here), is at least no Margo Sherman, then again a horse isn't on the line, and these boys apparently aren't all about sports, cool bunch of guys.

They get back into theorizing about Markham (the old man with the clock collection), and soon he arrives, but as this was by his storefront and he was likely in earshot, this saves a contrivance allegation, but I'm making a drunk allegation, his actor practically slurs his lines. But hey, if beer can make you a kick ass piano player maybe it can make you psychic too.

But speaking of contrivance, Markham drops a key to his building and the kids take it. Oh gee, I wonder- this is the 90s, of course they'd do it, and of course I'd expect Markham to have some intention here. But before that, if you expected the clocks and theories to clue us into Markham being some kind of time god, literally the scene after the key drop we have him walking as the environment plays backwards.

After some protest from Henry (one of two boys and the one from glasses), eh protest is too much of a stretch since right after they go right in. but this begs the question, was Devon (the second boy), dubbed by another actor? I have a feeling...

But wait, on this building, is it just a general apartment building? If so that's a pretty laughable key prop. We then get some dutch angles, and hey, my Franchise Pictures reference may have some meaning here, and then a thought... this is some ridiculous morality tale, right? Because I don't like those. Henry is all "This is a bad idea... but I'll go anyway." The movie is starting to give me Goosebumps vibes, maybe it's the corny lines or the image quality.

For their entry, they get trapped and thrown into an obstacle course of pendulums and clock-related facets. Insert "This guy is trying to murder three kids." line here. Something tells me this is where the budget went, unless Bucharest has a clock-themed funhouse Coppola was able to rent. Henry nearly falls down the pit, but has a look that says "Yeah I'm in danger wanna fight about it?"

Ordinairly I'm more forgiving to corny lines, but what throws me off here is a blasé and ironically predictable attitude. This isn't finding humor in a dire situation, this is thinking of what someone would say when trying to find humor in a dire situation. Devon's trying to be that guy and it feels so forced. I appreciate cheesy lines and delivery because it's unintentional. Think what you want, but unintentional comedy helps provide some extra humanity.

If this entire movie was improvised... well that's just taking a chapter from Francis Ford Coppola which for the record would be acceptable. For now, Devon gives me some serious Owen Wilson in The Haunting vibes.

We then get to the focal point of the movie, Markham's clocks are meant to represent the different times of the world. This reminds me of an episode of Night Visions, Patterns, where an OCD patient does rituals to keep the fabric of the world together, and that episode reminds me an episode of the 80s version of The Twilight Zone, The Curious Case of Edgar Witherspoon, who collects junk meant to provide stability to the world.

Either I'd be dropping things I'd sooner be watching or I just stated the film's gimmick before it was revealed. I could drop off here and assume this movie goes by the "Don't fuck with time" moral, but I made it through The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson.

So, the kids hide as Markham returns in and Devon goes to hide in a mysterious chamber, and in the back of my head I'm thinking... another plot device... and that level of begging reminds me of that cringey anti-bullying video that was big back in the 2010s.

For a taste of that, check out this reaction video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31cMclR8Yt4

But back on the scene, the camera is tilted, harkening back to my remark on that before (it was a Battlefield Earth reference for the uninformed), a tilted angle is meant to display a mental disturbance and establish something is going wrong. This happened well after an intended conflict occurred. No matter the intent, it's a lose lose situation.

Heh, wouldn't it be funny if Devon disappeared due to the chamber being- fuck it, you probably would've guessed. It does lead to an interesting scene, but first, visual.

I don't have the talent to do something like this.

They walk into a room that has footage of a man mugging the camera. You know how in most low-budget movies they crop a video and paste it onto a TV to simulate it actually airing on television? This could easily be exploited, too bad I'm both lazy and incompetent when it comes to videos.

This scene, at least one above, is pointless, if not just a desperate attempt at establishing something weird. I'd say this was a cameo from Christopher Coppola, though it's between here and a jackass tenant the kids visit to confirm where they are. At least he didn't go at them guns a blazing, seriously, two out of three assholes came at Marty McFly, I don't care how realistic it is, they have a time-machine in a fucking sports car.

Heh, wouldn't it be funny if they fucked up the timeline- well so far I'm giving this extra points for not having a crappy Trump joke several decades in advance.

So, it turns out they were transported several years into the future, I know it's the future because everything is chrome in the future... and littered with chrome piping, and knock-off A.I.-style vehicles, and Cyberpunk 2077 maybe.

Also JPEGs before they became mainstream.

For the record they cut to this image in the actual movie, you can even see the lens-flare effect.

Now, part of me is thinking, well Devon was warped several years into the future and using knowledge from a book Henry had used it to become a billionaire. At this rate I don't care about predicting things, I just want things to at least make sense.

Speaking of sense... this is ironically less jank than Back to the Future II which had a similar idea. Sure it made sense since all it took was betting on sports, but it was so over the top... it was so over the top. If only I could phrase that better, but I know how.

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Speaking of Back to the Future II, it falls into, practically popularized the dark future trope, where everything is so over-the-top it borders on cliche or forced and tosses aside common sense. Principal Strickland is no badass, even Dean Wormer can beat his fat behind, and I hate Animal House, oh, and everyone's an asshole. This and Teen Titans are the biggest examples of this cliched route, even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2003 fell into this web, but all for another time, I mean maybe, have I ever made due on a promise?

Henry and Mary Beth get stopped by police officers by not having a license, indicative to the time with a new law. If Robert Zemeckis directed this they'd both be at gunpoint. The acting takes a bit of a dive, and while the kids are the worst here, it actually fits the cops as these cold-robotic types. And the best part is, no "We're in the Biff Tannen time-line" jokes.

A failed getaway leads, well, you ever wanted to see the inexplicable net trap?

So only now do they realize they're in the future, but in terms of buildings established longer ago not originally being there. FilmTheory time, Devon was sent back to the past and using his knowledge of computers from Henry's book, made a market out of it, became rich and there they are now.

For as corny as this film is or tries to be, it's fairly realistic when it comes to the people, one guy could've easily given them shit for asking the date, but was actually reasonable enough, this ain't homeless douche overreacting to a guy bumping into him stuff, this ain't touching a newspaper and getting into gunpoint stuff, this isn't- well okay what did you expect when you hopped into your house through the window?

But it turns out this isn't the future, this is a more futuristic rendition of their intended year.

The two get electrodes attached to them, and for anyone who wants to claim it ripped off Futurama, this predated that show by a year.

For their crimes they had no intent to commit or knowledge they were doing it, "THEY'RE GOING TO JAIL!"

But due to their wrongful entry to this period, they're recognized as nonexistent. I'd think more but I'm too distracted by a primitive chair.

So it turns out Devon had no impact on altering the timeline. This is both good and bad. Bad as in the potential was thrown out the window, good as in this takes away a big parallel to Back to the Future II, cutting down rip-off claims.

Anyhow, we meet our villains, or associates to it, who acquire the computer book Devon was transported with and they intend to tap into the information inside. Also Markham arrives to bail the kids out and affirm what we saw. Given he has the means to go through time, I can't think of anything better.

Markham is trying to go for a Gene Wilder personality, and for the record, I like Wilder... as an actor, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory I don't like out of my own hatred for films that go against what they're adapting because they weren't creative enough to make something work with what was provided to them.

In trying to sell an eccentric mind... it just feels like an idea with little else, it's incredibly basic, but hey, by not killing kids just to teach some asinine moral he is already better than Willy Wonka. At least the Tim Burton version has the kids live to learn the moral at the end.

But now... exposition, not in terms of Markham's ramblings, but Henry basically confirming one of my theories on the book having an impact on the change in history. And we all know what needs to happen, they need to go back in time, whoo! This does feed into my morality tale thing, as Markum wants them to handle the operation since it was their fault. Well, fair enough, my negativity towards that is within a general context.

Two things come to mind at this point. One, Mascarino makes a great b-rate Christopher Lloyd (makes sense given the Back to the Future stuff), two, it kinda feels like they're taking a stab at the general time travel premises in films, but don't quite pull it off. All else feels very bearable, if this were an episode of Goosebumps, there're already episodes that can be considered worse.

The effects for this aren't as terrible as I'd expect them to be, though still not necessarily up to par.

In the 1880s, most we face so far is a coach-rider with a five second mental delay and a drunkman who's less rude than the kids. Suddenly, bad guys. I don't know if they're associated with the evil ones from the warped 1998 timeline, but I gotta assume.

At this point the sound mixing becomes bungled, either that or the actors talk too quietly, but this is saved a bit after by an unintentional joke about how dark the lighting is.

Quite a place for this kind of lighting.

Searching and wandering make up a decent chunk of this film for here on out, then the effects take a step down, but that's what you get for voting for Rutherford B. Hayes... I guess? They get saved by a battle axe woman who's kind enough to help them, and kind she is, I'd call it an Irish thing, but I could be wrong.

Going back to Back to the Future, there's a joke about one assuming the name of someone based on the name of their clothes. Back to the Future did Calvin Klein, this did polyester. I hate to call anything a rip-off, and this isn't exactly one as it does plenty different here, but when the similarities show they're hard to ignore.

They have a little nosh, but then... exposition, from Henry, full frontal, raw, exposition. As of now, the characters can be summed up like this. Devon the intended comic relief, Henry, the exposition guy and Mary Beth... girl in 90s movie. Also the tilted angle's back. I think the tripod was off-center or they couldn't find even ground, and maybe they only had the location for a limited amount of time.

I was half expecting the lady Bricktop Betty, to call them crazy, but she accepts it enough to let them pass. Nice lady. Also I was close to not being able to find her name due to the thickness of her accent, but she says it enough times soon after for me to figure it out. Putting it to just finding their friends, she joins along, well, better it be an eccentric Irish lady than an annoying talking animal.

Hell, Back to the Future didn't have a foreign tagalong character, this guy didn't accompany them to the past... you know funny thing is, people only focus on the cheese factor in this, so I'm glad they didn't just write this off as a rip-off.

I was close to saying nothing more interesting happens, but do you recall that second screencap I shared? Brogan, John Brogan to be precise, is our antagonist in this.

Devon sold the book to Brogan in the 1880s, the latter managed a factory, tool die and machine works, and would be ideal to sell to when it came to futuristic machinery which would make a financial killing. At the very least it's all falling into place, even if Henry feels the need to explain it, but then, wooden doors with a metal creaking sound effect.

After a match lighting that probably wouldn't light the room up the way it did, well, before they were sent to the past, Markham didn't warn them about messing with the timeline. So perhaps to one up her when it came to what she consider's modern convenience, they must have hypercubes in their pockets as they're able to pull out so much.

There is actually a point to this, to drive the point home they're from a future period. But then we get more exposition as the tripod is put into a toilet. Spinning shots lose their muster when we see the entirety of the room, and Markham doesn't do much that would be imperative to the cut.

It turns out Brogan intended to take the potential money for himself and iced Devon out, though this was given away when he was thrown in jail earlier on. I don't know what's scarier, the idea or the most unenthused cry for help ever, but then more bad sound mixing.

From here it's more exposition to how bad Brogan is, and how they may go about fixing everything. Their route, forging a letter with Brogan's signature which Henry uses to get into the factory, where he finds an assistant...? I don't know his exact affiliation, but it feels like they're setting up a twist villain. A leech if you will.

Anyway, it's an extensive breakout scene, and it turns out through contrivance that Betty is Mary Beth's great great grandmother, and they escape, but try to reroute for a more accurate reversal to the time bungle, if they ever get done planning it. Whereupon agreeing to the time and place to go back, and I gotta say, they kinda pulled off the two different Devons in the same area pretty well. They have the foresight to know taking the past Devon back with them without the future one would lead to a paradox, but they're caught again by the time cops, and both Devons come along.

Somehow, this causes the paradox to occur, but then again the timeline only happened due to Brogan discovering the book so it would've happened regardless. The other Devon was removed in this paradox as well, and it's only three minutes until the credits roll, so I can't call this quick rap-up rushed and lazy. And there's a twist... the other Devon is Markham. Not necessarily out of the question by its own rules, but I didn't really expect it.

It then concludes with the worst digital effects I've ever seen involving us zooming back from planets, and I know for certain the planets don't end at Saturn, and that planets don't look like those.

Part 4: Conclusion

So, this was my first true exposure to Christopher Coppola, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

The movie has similar vibes to a Nickelodeon movie or an episode of Goosebumps, and it could've gotten away with airing on either in terms of its characterizations and vibes.

However, when it comes to the visual effects, while footholds weren't firmly made in this time, they are very laughable and really spell out the cheap nature of the film. It feels as though Christopher was iced out of his family and was forced to essentially fend for himself. Maybe he caught his potentially creepy uncle jerking it to Sam Rockwell? If so then maybe Roman and Sophia have stronger moral fiber.

This movie didn't bug me too much, but that's because I have the stomach for bad cinema apparently. I'm bound to find worse Christopher movies overtime, but I'm glad I picked this over a crappy Steve Marmel cartoon.

But, another time.

Episode Review: Troq

 DISCLAIMER: This is not meant to deny the lesson taught in the episode. I'm all in favor of fighting against racism, but I feel this episode just doesn't do the topic as well as people think. No one has ever called me racist here or anywhere, I'm saying these things on my own volition.

I might've been very late when it came to Black History Month and a themed review, but hey, I got something for it with my brief discussion on The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, a film that discussed the Civil War and how African Americans were treated, through the perspective of a woman who lived through it all and through to passage of the Civil Rights Act, and the conclusion still moves me to tears.

Let's be real, there is no sense in treating someone lowly based on the color of their skin. A wise man once said, don't judge anyone based on the color of their skin, but the content of their character. Unfortunately, we're facing some borderline irony these days, as equality is no longer enough for most people, and it's bleeding everywhere we go.

Steven Universe these days can be called puppets on a string.

For every good show or movie that discusses racism, there're bad ones too, more preachy ones told by people who have little to no experience with historical moments in racial history, they assume throwing in a minority would be enough to claim they're with it. Either that or the story just doesn't do the topic justice. So for that, tell me, why is this episode heralded so much?

One of the best ways to discuss racism is show don't tell, at least in my opinion. We can see the impact of racism on minorities, and how bad it could be when normalized. We don't even need a complex history of the racists in question, they're just going by a regretfully enforced belief, they're still complete bigoted assholes for believing it, don't get me wrong.

All I'm say is that either side should know when to draw the line. If there was a piece of media advocating for African Americans to murder white Americans in cold blood, would that fly? Hell, even racists can atone for their racist deeds, Robert Byrd atoned, George Wallace atoned, and I'll go no further to avoid potentially saying something nice about the confederacy, unless I get approval.

I'm not mad with this episode, just disappointed, or perhaps I just saw better episodes handling the topic, but people treat this as one of the greatest discussions on the topic, including a Minor-Attracted-Person with which I responded to a blog of theirs defending pedophilia. I'm serious about that.

Divider

As mentioned in my WIDL on Teen Titans, I feel the show didn't have the best writing, having obvious routes they never bothered to take or missing a lot of good opportunities to make the plot and characters more interesting. So when it comes to the forbidden word, and the aforementioned reception, I gotta hold it to a high standard. I'm not picking apart this episode because I'm against discussing the topic, I'm picking apart this episode because it's a letdown.

For some perspective, I did watch this episode as a kid. Around this time I learned of the Civil War and slavery in school, I read a book on Martin Luther King Jr., I learned of segregation, and it was around this time I watched The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, and got the point behind it. In that same period the topic of the third wave of nazism flew right over my head, but I was able to get the idea of black history with the former film.

Point is, I wasn't naive to racism, and when I watched this episode... the racist point flew right over my head, to the point I just assumed the silver guy was a jerk who viewed Starfire as inferior.

Watching the episode later on, knowing what it was supposed to represent... the impact just didn't hit the right way. So let's get into it.

Other Divider

The episode centers on the Titans getting recruited by a man I'd like to dub Chrome Thurmond, both due to historical humor and because I forgot his name, which itself isn't imperative to the plot so... fuck it.

Chrome Thurmond is adamant on Starfire playing as little a part as possible in the mission in question, as he views her as inferior, or nothing, to go by this episode's forbidden word.

You'd expect this episode to be based around Cyborg as racism was the most prevalent with African Americans (not that it didn't or doesn't exist with other races, as the struggles of African Americans yielded the biggest reaction in history), but instead, we focus on an extra-terrestrial (and I put it like that because I don't get a kick out of brandishing the other word, you know the one.)

This is a foolish decision on the writer's part and a faint backhand to the topic of racism because it reduces it to a speciesist context. I mean both Starfire and Chrome Thurmond are both aliens in this regard (well there goes that word promise), and as they're alien species indigenous to this show, it would be fair we get context to the interactions between those species.

Are they at war with one another? Did one take over the other's planet? Is it just classic elitism? Tamaranians aren't the most evolved aliens out there, Starfire has yet to fully grasp Earth's customs, and based on their eating habits, we can see they're hardly evolved. Hell, they let a plank of wood take over their planet one time.

African Americans were used as slaves due to their better resistance to illness at the time, and have been viewed as inferior and a means for labor through to the Lincoln administration, and still lowly enough that whites wanted African Americans to be separated. The impact is best shown with African Americans because the root of slavery and discrimination stems from white Americans seeing them as a means to an end.

Tamaranians, as I see on the show, are the kind of species Aaron MacGrudder would poke fun at. He made The Boondocks, which pokes fun at the worst stereotypes of African Americans, namely the self-entitled ones that reinforce negative connotations. Take those kinds of African Americans and apply it to Tamaran, and you can see why this episode poses a big problem for me.

So, after leaving Star out of more significant aspects to the mission, Chrome Thurmond drops a hard T on Star (this episode's N word). Now I know people can't use that word on television, no matter the context, but you know what they can do? Show, don't tell. This is a sign the writers have faith in the viewers to piece together what's going on.

 Chrome Thurmond is a dick, but Starfire comes close to being one too. She tells Cyborg what troq means, but phrases it so cryptically just for the sake of a cliched outburst. Instead of keeping this hidden from your friends, have the courage to speak out, any offensive remark made to anyone is never okay. Speak now, or forever hold your pain.

Troq means nothing, and it's not a defense of the word, it's basically saying someone is absolutely nothing. While calling someone nothing is a hard blow, it's certainly incomparable to being a naturally ignorant grotesque good for nothing empty headed retard.

We do get a moment where Cyborg implies his exposure to racism, and it doesn't automatically apply to him being entirely made of robot parts to be fair. Why wasn't he the focus again? Since he is more machine than man wouldn't that be the right basis to your discussion on racism? This isn't cutting edge.

After completing the mission, with Star rising above to do it and prove herself, all ends vanilla, and the impact is just as so.

Other details

A good episode would make do with show don't tell. Rather than just have Chrome Thurmond utter the word right away, we'd focus entirely on him continuing to not acknowledge Star as a useful hero, him uttering the word and voicing his hatred of Tamaranians would come at the climax, and before then we'd just assume he viewed her as an unskilled fighter.

Or hell, back on trying to discuss his relation to Tamaranians, perhaps they destroyed his planet or his people some time ago, and he holds a grudge against them which extends to Star. The episode would be Star proving not all Tamaranians are bad. These are basic ideas, ignoring them isn't cutting edge.

And to those saying being called nothing is the worst, are you saying there's a worse term to be called than the N word?

The biggest problem I have with any episode is having the wrong character give the moral.

This episode reminds me of the Hey Arnold! episode Rhonda's Glasses, an episode meant to allegorize Rosa Parks, but along with skimping on a full on discussion on racism, which you'd think Hey Arnold! would have no issue with, they have Rhonda be the one to give the message, even after she endorsed the geeks in the back policy (possibly even started it), complained the entire way until then and slowly regressed to her old ways. She is the worst character in the entire series.

Let's look at some good discussions on racism.

Static Shock didn't pull any stops when it came to racism in Sons of the Father. They didn't have to drop the n word to show the impact, and I can buy Ritchie's father in this, he is a blue collar worker who was from a different period. He isn't over the top racist, and he actually does care for his son. Sure Virgil's father lectured him, but it came when it had to, not through a forced confrontation.

Also to note, Dwayne McDuffie was an advocate for promoting black nuclear families, the death of Virgil's mom wasn't his decision, though it did give Virgil some extra layers. Static Shock was such a good portrayal of African American superheroes.

Wanna know what else is a good discussion on racism? CatDog. It's all so clear, people discriminating against a weird creature like CatDog, old greaser gangs that'd attack people who're different, people who would dismiss, in their own terms, freaks, a corrupt politician who would try to limit the freedoms of the different, the list goes on. That show indirectly mastered the concept of show don't tell.

The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, I know I bring that up a lot of times, but it's just that damn powerful. Not a word is uttered, but even if you haven't seen the entire movie, where she's heading and what's around her weave a tale of a woman who has lived through slavery and segregation, and has lived to see it come to an end. Just that drink of water from what was once a white's only fountain in the presence of officers that would not approve would mark a signifiant closure to a rough chapter in life.

This episode doesn't do the concept of racism justice. It is marginalized down to one scene and muddled with a lack of context to the relation between Chrome Thrumond and the Tamaranians. It's insulting that they acknowledge racism to African Americans, meaning they could've done the entire episode on him, but they just go the safe route.

Overall

Believe me, I'm well against racism, but there're better ways to discuss it, and Teen Titans didn't have the best discussion on it. Come to think of it, I'm getting more and more reasons to believe Teen Titans wasn't as well written as I thought it was.

To sum up, show, don't tell. 

Why BlackFire is a terrible villain

DISCLAIMER: I say she's terrible, not the worst, just terrible, there are plenty worse villains out there.

So I had a lot more to say about Teen Titans that I forgot to add in my initial post, but since it got more comments than what I usually get, I figured a sequel wouldn't be so... well, out of the blue. I figured this would be a great time to tear into a certain brand of villain.

The sociopathic plank.

A sociopathic plank is a villain with no aspects beyond being evil, and are otherwise bland. Basically a white flag erected by the writers. An example of this is Azula from Avatar, but if I talked about her it'd just be twenty paragraphs of me saying she's bland over and over again.

But while on that topic, for as complex as fans of the show claim it to be, they did a horrible job establishing Azula, three dimensional characterization is a must for good writing, here, she was evil from the youngest we saw her, we don't see Ozai abusing her, driving her to the ways of the Fire Nation, hell, we don't even get the idea she's doing all of this out of nationalistic pride, which would add some dimensions to her character because she's only doing this out of the love for her nation. No, she's just a bland sociopath. And don't give me that "Well it's implied-" bullshit, that's the oldest copout in the book.

I wanna focus on BlackFire though, because I really meant to include it in my WIDL Teen Titans entry, but then again I'd spent a huge chunk of it dissecting her two most prominent appearances.

So let's do that right now

BlackFire is StarFire's evil sister, nothing more, nothing less, and that's actually a legit summary, that's all she is. Only thing mildly interesting about BlackFire is that she looks like she's perpetually stoned. The droopy eyelids look stupid, it looks like she's perpetually stoned. But maybe that's why she's like that, she smoked a lot of Tamaranian weed which removes your personality and makes you a sociopath.

On her first appearance, even in the first few minutes of her appearance you could make out what she really is right away. The only time they try to throw anyone off is when they throw in a mcguffin villain.

Stop me if you heard this one before, villain goes after a smaller individual, heroes stop it, the saved turns out to be evil but we come to that conclusion in different ways. Xiaolin Showdown, Krypto the Superdog, The Thing. This seems to be a favorite plotline for shows by Warner Bros. Television Animation, had it not been for the differences in progression I'd say this would be another unholy cliche.

So, BlackFire arrives without notice and chums it up with the other titans, and if there's one thing I learned, is that 9 times out of 10 the new arrivals would turn out to be different extents of evil. Smart viewers could easily tell that something is wrong, not because the premise is cliche, but because BlackFire is so insufferably bland that she doesn't even make the effort to sell the farce further than needed.

If Billie Eilish came out at this time, Bad Guy would be BlackFire's lemotif.

They try to make her first few minutes seem as harmless as possible, with friendly introductions as well as a gift. This would work if you're a kid who can't perceive what's obvious, but if you can read through the lines and piece together everything that has happened before, you may've cracked the mystery faster than the episode itself.

So, the obvious- I mean that incredibly surprising twist is that BlackFire framed StarFire for stealing a valued artifact. Aside from the fact that BlackFire already established herself as an overly-extroverted partier who tried to weasel herself and etch Star out and just so happened to turn up around the same time the mcguffin did, this was a clever twist.

I would've been fine if it was a one-off, but no, we got another appearance from her and it's not even interesting to talk about, or at least to go in as much detail as the previous one.

The only interesting thing about this episode is that it basically shows just how bland of a villain BlackFire is. Near verbatim, she says "I got bored, so I took Tamaran over for kicks." You know, making your villains bland implies a lack of faith in how people perceive the protagonists.

This would've been an interesting time to really establish Tamaran proper, perhaps give proper perspective as to why BlackFire is such a plank, perhaps she was corrupted... damn, nothing can salvage this. Are Tamaranians this inept at evolution? StarFire never evolved when it came to her vocabulary, and hell, Tamaranians are only a slight notch above primates if their appearance and eating habits are anything to go by.

Hell, that could've been a point to that oh-so deep episode on racism, where that douche would see Tamaranians are unwilling to evolve and abiding to negative stereotypes, anything.

But Why?

Now you're probably thinking "Well no wonder this guy keeps sperging about Enter, he's taking a cartoon too seriously." and to that I say... I concede, aside from not exhibiting anger, but wait a minute that's basically animation criticism in general. You could hold me up to the frequent use of ellipses.

I have a bunch of reasons why I'm taking this show so seriously, why I complain about it so much.

First up, I actually did grow up with this show, it made up many a good afternoon of cartoons, and I frequently watched the show when I visited my grand uncle before he lost his mind. Whether you'd believe it or not at this point, this show was a decent part of my childhood.

So why'd I give it up? Well yeah, the Teen Titans Go hate got to me. A reason why I don't hop aboard the anti-Trump train and a reason why I hopped off the anti-Enter train is because those, and the anti Teen Titans Go crowd are insufferable. So insufferable that when they name drop something they support in opposition, I'd automatically have to hold it to a high standard, only something that good could explain such rampant idiocy.

As a result, I found myself falling out of love with Teen Titans, I became open to flaws either not seen or intentionally ignored by fans. Basically, the show wasn't as good as everyone made it out to be, certainly not enough to launch an entire campaign against a braindead comedy.

At its core, Teen Titans was full of missed opportunities, poor writing, an inconsistent art style and equally inconsistent tones, and get this, this show is technically a kiddied version of the comics, something people are too happy to forget about.

Think that covers my grievances with Teen Titans, hopefully.

Why I don't like Teen Titans

 This shouldn't come as a surprise for those who've been following me for so long. I figured I'd try to space out my ramblings on the show before bringing it up again, but really, I just want to get a definitive block of reasons onto the table. I had some review from ages ago done, but that was around the time before I got the hang of reviewing, always best to revisit old concepts.

And for those of you who're anticipating another entry like this on Avatar, I had done so already ages ago, well before I started "Why I Don't Like", and funnily enough while it was divisive back when I published it in 2017, it's getting better comments this year for some reason: https://www.deviantart.com/channeleven/journal/What-I-hate-about-Avatar-the-Last-Airbender-718363644

I won't go into my history with the show just yet, but I will say for certain that I have seen many of the episodes, going on record saying I watched Cartoon Network more than Nickelodeon back in the day and I remember watching this show a hell of a lot when I visited my grand-uncle. I had a history with the show, but then shit happened and while one certain torpedo left an impact, time away from the show had made me more and more cynical toward it. Plus my sudden aversion to teenage-drama action affairs.

Not a Big Fan of the Animation

This should be obvious based on the various shots I made toward the show. I have nothing against the anime style, it works well in most shows, but it's not that it's bad, but that the show is inconsistent with it.

For perspective, specific characters are in the anime style, other characters are fashioned like those from other DC cartoons from the time, notably Justice League.

As you'd expect (or basically know, this isn't some obscure show.), the style clashes heavily with the tone of the show, once they get around to settling with one. One of the biggest hangups people have with Teen Titans Go is the comedic nature of it, but in this, the show's humor is just as cringeworthy, with the addition of anime tropisms that annunciate how childish it all feels.

However well it's animated is meaningless, because it was actually (or expectedly) costly to manage, which led to something one could never forget.

They could've easily kept with the style in other Timmverse shows, this was around the time Justice League Unlimited came out, but I guess one person couldn't hold back his Japanophilia.

Make Up Your Mind on the Tone

I called Teen Titans schizophrenic for a reason. Other shows that mix comedy and action at the very least keep a consistent tone, like Static Shock for instance. Here, there're stark jumps between comedy and darker action. They could've easily made an X-Men-esque show, but instead, we got a show that hasn't a clue what it wants to be.

We go from a Bat-Mite antagonist and Monty Python-type shenanigans, to allegories on drug abuse, racism and a satan stand-in. The shifts between each are enough to give you whiplash. It takes effort to incorporate both separately, it takes even more effort to strike a proper balance. Invader Zim pulled it off because it was a black comedy, with the comedy being exhibited through dark jokes, so when it came to darker aspects it wouldn't be out of place.

Not to mention, the anime schtick doesn't help matters, cartoony reactions in more serious scenes. And people treat this like the be all, end all of cartoons. At the very least Teen Titans Go stuck with one tone, this show feels just as lazy, as there was little rhyme or reason.

Dark My Ass

Along with the anime tropisms and cartoony expressions removing any seriousness from the situation, it also really wussed out when it came to major issues. Drug abuse? Relegated to a speed function. Satan, just my original character, Blatan. You already have a giant red demon, just call him Satan and have it where Raven was a demon sent to destroy the world before gaining a conscience and becoming a hero.

Not to mention dumbing down a discussion on racism. Once more Static Shock did it better by having it be point blank. Any show that relies on allegories is wussing out, and both were on the same network, so there was no excuse. Not to mention, I've seen no notable deaths on this, for a show heralded to such a degree you'd think they'd make no stops, but no, everything returns to the status quo.

Yeah, another thing, major catastrophes conclude quite swimmingly. That deal with Trigon? The entire city is restored and everyone reassumes their normal deeds. Any serialized elements can be chalked up to tracking down one particular bad guy.

If you really wanna go for dark and comedic, have it be indicative to the villains present (and that means no anime tropisms and whatever else the show has.)

Writing's not so good

I'm being harsh on this show because people love it so much and because it became the basis for an ongoing hate-boner for one certain show. Because it persists (albeit not as prominently as it was back then), it's a huge dealbreaker between me and this show.

But at large, many of the episodes have a lot of missed opportunities. People forget this is a dumbed down rendition of the comics.

There were so many directions many of the episodes could've gone, but we weren't so lucky. That episode where Beast Boy mutated, perhaps they could've had it where Beast Boy is framed for destroying the city by Adonis and the Titans get scrutinized. But no, it's entirely relegated to the Titans. This could've worked as a season one cliffhanger, where Beast Boy becomes a villain for a while, and is only able to realign with the Titans once he is able to merge both of his forms together.

That one where Robin saw Slade and no one else could? This could've been the perfect time (that along with Red X) to also have Robin potentially turn evil due to his obsession with Slade. The worst thing they did was give a reason for Robin's hallucinating. It's not a clever or subversive twist, it shoots a potentially clever idea in the foot. What could've been an interesting psychological thriller turned into another edgy evil villain plot.

The thing with Dr. Light was kinda useless, just leading to another one-way plot. This could've been a chance to create a villain to match Raven as he wants to bring the light to brighten the darkness (to her.), only pay-off to this is a callback later on. But on that episode, it would be interesting to have Raven turn into a demon which is why she is so limited with her emotions (the conflict being her anger would set something off), but neh.

When Cyborg gets transported back in time, it would've been interesting if the woman he saved turned out to be a twist villain and by saving her, cultivated a future threat.

And another thing I'll get to when we get to-

The not so great characters

Frankly the only interesting thing about Robin is his obsession with Slade. As mentioned before, Slade could've been an interesting way to drive Robin to villainy due to his constant obsession. It would get to the point he would throw his friends on the line when he feels he'd get close to a lead, whatever they did here feels like a typical action deal, i.e., not interesting.

It feels like Raven and Beast Boy fell into the teen cliche net, Raven strikes me as a generic mall goth who's traits are little more than predictable, and has the same kind of attitude many cartoon goths have that people latch on to. Plus she's voiced by Tara Strong. Beast Boy is reduced to a sometimes vegetarian, and the comic relief. Nothing too special and any good development feels hollow.

Starfire strikes me as the least good, mainly because she's so ill-developed. You'd think more time on earth would allow her to develop more, but no, she's the same as when she started. Gotta keep up that funny alien-custom schtick I guess.

And I suppose I don't find much wrong with Cyborg, because honestly he's the funniest one on the show.

Slade strikes me as both wasted and generic. First thing's first, he had no identity to keep, but they made it so here to act like the show has a deeper layer of complexity than it actually does, but it can't even pull that off.

Kinda wish we got more on how Plasmus came to be, no episode clued us in to how he became as was, hell, even with his upgrade he's still the same guy. Even Cinder (or whatever the blocky guy is) is confusing.

But now another thing... Terra.

First things first is why she didn't stick around for so long. Wouldn't you know it, the animation style led to higher costs on outsourcing, so they couldn't afford to add another full time regular actor. This had led to one of the worst character deconstructions I have ever seen. It's one very short, very clunky arc.

Firstly when she comes in, it's fine for the first few minutes, but when it comes to the climax, "Ruh roh! My powers suck, guess I gotta scram!", that's truly how it felt. Leading up to it, we're led to believe she has a history with Slade in the first episode, now look I'm all for a double agent set-up, but when you intentionally send clues to throw us off, that's not clever, that's just plain lazy.

I will say that one episode where Robin and Cyborg get transported to take on someone after playing a card game where Terra just suddenly appears could've worked to establish she was providing intel to Slade to set up a twist.

This kind of thing would've been better if it had more episodes to tell the arc, perhaps an entire season. We would be thrown off-guard by her 180 much more effectively when it comes. Because when she is revealed to be the villain, I'm like "Oh wow, I'm not interested."

Another thing I could say is that I like how she was reduced to rock. Perhaps her fear of using her power would stem from the fact that it could be her downfall? Slade could've manipulated her into becoming an ultimate weapon or just claim he had a way for her to relieve herself of her powers. And hello, another Static Shock reference. At this point I question if the writers could handle complex ideas like that.

Unintentional Cockiness

If you don't agree with me on the above, here's something more objective. They had a good finale, at least one appropriate to the show. But it seems the writers assumed they would get to do more, so they threw in this episode, featuring wasted potential incarnate coming back.

If you go into television, heed this advice. Treat every season finale like it's your series finale.

This feels like a dare the writers did when they knew they were about to get cancelled, sorta like what Duckman did for its series finale. Only difference is that this isn't as good of a cliffhanger, and, harkening back to me complaining about the writing, it negates what could've been an interesting aspect to Beast Boy.

From Terra's death on, Beast Boy would become more mature and fight for the world, not for himself but because he has something to fight for. If that was the case, they did a horrible job of showing it.

Conclusion

Teen Titans is rife with missed opportunities and a frankly vanilla feel to it. Compared to other DC shows, this honestly pales in comparison, it feels like the anime schtick was only done to ensure they'd get more people to watch, because otherwise we could leave well enough alone without it.

Honestly, Static Shock was a better DC cartoon from its era, tackling genuine issues head on, properly meshing comedy with action, being consistent art wise, damn, it's just a better show overall. Maybe we should be grateful Virgil never met the Teen Titans.

SIMPleSTAN reviews Kamp Koral

 Hello everyone, I'm SIMPleSTAN and Dan Schneider did nothing wrong.

I grew up with Stephen Hillenberg, he was the King, he was my Universe, he penned his way into my heart like a Silverman. Steve Marmel.

Now let's be serious. When I met Stephen at that con years ago, it was love at first sight. I met him and he said "Hi." Then I looked and also said "Hi.", and he was a nice guy, basically my best friend, we tweet at one another and I just know he likes what I say, we're basically brothers, only closer.

So when Kamp Koral was announced, I was like "OH hellls naw!", it went against the very vision of my idol/best friend/brother/husbando, and for no reason. I mean my Stephy-poo owns SpongeBob full stop, it's not like when he sold SpongeBob to the network they would have a big cut of ownership and hence be able to do whatever they want with it, especially since it made them so much money, this is the United States of Soviet Russia for Hillenburg sake.

But on Nickelodeon, the world is clearly out to get him, from the network to even football, that day they played Sicko Mode I burned all of my football memorabilia, that was a worse day than Colin Kapernick! I even got banned from Twitter, and I just innocently threatened artists who had involvement in Kamp Koral for the sake of my idol, now how can I threaten Nickelodeon through the power of naivety?

On the show, I can easily talk about how even if the animation was better than what we got in the promo that it wouldn't matter because television CGI would become dated in years, it's basically aping off of Camp Lazlo and doing nothing new or interesting and even shit like Fanboy and Chum Chum is more interesting by default, but that's not why it sucks, it's because it hurt the feelings of my boo and hurt continuity

Firstly, it fucked how SpongeBob and Sandy met, they meet in camp, WHEN AKTULLAY THEY MET IN TEA AT THE TREEDOME, I SHOULD KNOW, IT WAS ONE BOTTLE OF LOTION AGO! Plus they have her into science which buttfucked the fact she was just someone from Texas who likes karate and that one time with the rocket was likely written by someone who hates my brother.

Second, it molested how SpongeBob and Patrick met, IN A JOKE IN THE SECREY BOX THEY OBVIOUSLY MET AS BABIES! WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE AN OFF THE CUFF GAG IS ABSOLUTELY WHAT HAPPENED ACTUALLY BECAUSE IT WAS WHEN MY LORD AND SAVIOR SAID SO!

Third, it raped how SpongeBob and Squidward met, SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD CLEARLY FIRST MET IN HELP WANTED BECAUSE IT WAS THE FIRST EPISODE THEY WERE IN! I DON'T CARE IF SQUIDWARD ALREADY KNEW HIS NAME, IF KAMP KORAL SAYS ANYTHING THEY HAVE TO ANSWER TO JESUS HILLENBURG! PLUS THAT LIKELY GOES BETTER FOR MR KRABS.

And as a bonus they try to do something cute with how SpongeBob and Gary met in Sponge on the Run, me cringe at it, Hillenburg... WOULD PROBABLY HATE HOW GARY MET SPONGEBOB, HE KNOWS BETTER THAN THE RETARDS AT NICKELODEON, HE DIED FOR OUR SINS! HILLALUJAH!

If my boy Hillenburg were alive he would probably cringe at it, he is already turning over in his grave over something that was out of his grasp- I mean something the meanies defiled-

(Okay author's note I will admit it was pretty scummy they announced a spin-off right after Hillenburg died, I'm not that big of an asshole)

It's disrespectful for this spin-off to exist, so let's speak out against this, go after people who like it and even the staff involved, all in his name, because if there's one thing our savior would've wanted is for people to attack others in his name, THAT'S THE ULTIMATE FORM OF RESPECT! HILLENBURG HIMSELF TOLD ME TO SLAP MY SISTER FOR TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN ABOUT KAMP KORAL!

And I shall make Hillenburg proud by donning my exploding vest and heading over to Nickeldeon Animation Studios and kill them in the name of my savior!

I'm honoring his name!

Foe Paws review

 So, I never alluded to a third entry in my coverage of failed Cartoon Network pilots but here we are. Here's a little refresher.

I covered Lucky Lydia way back when, and it's one of the few old reviews I did that I'm still proud of. Lucky Lydia had a premise that would get old within seconds, a glorified mary-sue as a main character, and one of the rare instances I'd claim something to take too much influence from another show (short leader, guy with hat, big idiot, what comes to mind?)

I had made a promise to cover My Freaky Family in that, but I wound up forgetting about it until I finally decided to get it off the chopping block. It made me afraid of how it could've gotten worse if it got picked up. The writing was so bad that any negative stereotypes you could throw at it would have some kernel of truth (for instance, "Eggs? I'm allergic to eggs! But these are my famous scrambled eggs, everybody loves them!")

It got me thinking, there could be a lot more pilots that've held up poorly or would've become disasters in less than one season. I would've talked about Prickles the Cactus, but it got a sequel that helped provide context to what happened in the first and helped provide groundwork for a series that could work.

For the record I won't talk about Kitty Bobo, I think it could've worked.

If only there was a pilot created by an infamous figure in the animation industry which actually sucked before he got busted for, I dunno, sexual harassment?

Chris you son of a bitch

Foe Paws was the work of Chris Savino. For a crash-course, Savino had some prominence back then and to now. He became a showrunner for Dexter's Laboratory and PowerPuff Girls in both of the show's later years (and the latter's only good to say you like it to spite fans of the crappy previous seasons (and I await your inevitable comment Dan)

Aside from that, he helped direct episodes on Kick Buttowski (which for the record I actually do kinda like), and he had managed to create a show that could rival SpongeBob in terms of ratings and was a contributing factor to killing Fairly Odd Parents, what was it? The Loud House. I will say this about it, I like it the same way I like CatDog, I tend to skip certain segments to get to better ones and could understand claims of mean-spiritedness. The show got a little better without him.

And then he got busted for sexual harassment allegations, but I will say this, he stepped down and apologized, which is more than I could say for him than John Kricfalusi.

I bring up The Loud House and CatDog specifically for key reasons. This show had a similar style to the former, and basically a similar coat of paint character wise for CatDog, a stuck-up cat and a fun loving dog, well for the most part.

Useless divider

But back on CatDog, take a rather stuck-up character like Cat, and a rambunctious, fun loving naive dog, and strip them down to only one key character trait. What've you got? A borderline jackass who acts as such so the writers could get away with making him the butt of many jokes, especially for a major one that'd stick for the entire show. Which is why I won't be stating the names, the pilot title didn't give away the joke.

Then there's the dog, the kindly.... that's it really. He rolls along with everything and sees the good in all of it.

So, the two are at a pet store, valued lowly and part of a buy one get one free sale, and you're just waiting for those hijinks to happen. In a better world, all of the pets would hate the cat, and the dog, seeing the good in everything, would stick around with the cat to the point he'd tolerate him more than other by default. Perhaps question why they don't go into the dogs against cat trope.

They're as bare basic as BlackFire and Azula.

You know, a key to a pilot is giving us the essential details for what people could expect. More grounded affairs could get away with this lack of detail because it's just a chapter out of their lives, but this leaves some questions, not a lot, but some. Also telegraphed jokes, heh, wouldn't it be funny if the dog said a lady was coming by then the cat assumed she'd be hot but she'd just be gross?

Meet their future owners, and I'm not trying to make an edgy racial joke, I'd be poking fun at my own nationality if I did. Mama Mia. People hate stereotypes because they're offensive, I just hate them because it's done out of laziness. It's easy to write a stereotype, just give them traits indicative of their character. Mama Mia strikes me as someone who considers Olive Garden to be genuine Italian cuisine.

I'd say more, like how Italy gave us those three animated Titanic movies and that they were done with the help of North Korea, but then I'd be taking the piss out of my home state and lose friends.

But just know Mama Mia plays to the stereotype to a T, from spaghetti to the accordion. She is also rather senile since she treats the pets like actual humans. This may sound like a good thing, but like literally, she treats them like they're legit humans, to the point she has them dress up.

They get their names hereafter, the dog is called Rollo, and, for the rest of time had this gone to series, the cat is called Vivian and dressed accordingly. This hurts, all due to the long term ramifications, it'd be better if it was his choice, when it comes to sexuality it's all about choice. This is Desmond, ultra conservative-tier sexual abuse. Think about it, especially since Vivian has no one on his side, oh but he was an asshole the entire time, why bother giving layers to characters to make up for lesser decisions when we could make characters just as minimal? There's a reason people knock comedy a lot, it's because it's used as an excuse, but it makes every joke predictable. Heh, wouldn't it be funny if Vivian believed he was bought and Rollo was the freebie, but it was the other way around?

So, Vivian is, sadly, the most sane out of all of them, but not for a lack of reason, so, he feels he'd be better off back at the pet store. But is soon goaded into going back to living a demoralizing life with the old and kooky, to avoid living like an... animal. In a world with humans, animals make up a lower ebb of it, especially since they abide to the same standards as domesticated pets, can't talk in front of Mama Mia or she at least can't understand them, in other words Rollo, you're either an idiot or suffer from Stockholm syndrome.

The End

I don't know how long Foe Paws would've gone on had it been greenlit. At the very least Whatever Happened to... Robot Jones, had technically lost, so we wouldn't expect as much of it as we did (to sum up my thoughts on that for now, I felt it was a fever dream, but knew full well it was real, and I like the show.), for some we can understand that the seeds for several more potential episodes are there, but like My Freaky Family, it would've surely gotten worse.

To be frank, Savino was a hack, and this pilot is a testament to it, not even a majority of the earlier Loud House episodes are that good (though I'd like to assume a butthurt PowerPuff Girls fan got the allegations going.)

The characters are bland and only exist to justify harsher jokes, anything that does make sense is also stupid and holds a darker subtext to it, the fact they got Tom Kenny to voice the dog only further cements the potential CatDog connections, but one good thing bout this show is that it showed me how good CatDog really was.

Think about it, I was able to come up with allegories that could justify the mean-spiritedness of the show, like it being an allegory for racism, discrimination, corruption and the like, plus the characters were more fleshed out.

The only way this could've been interesting is if Vivian didn't exist physically, he'd be a representation of Rollo's angst and would come out toward the climax and attack the old bag, the pattern repeating as Rollo becomes more evil. Come on tell me you wouldn't consider that interesting.

But for now, think that takes care of the pilots that deserved to bite it. I hope, at least by Cartoon Network standards.