Hyped For...

Given the current scope of the media industry, there's so little to look forward to nowadays, so here's some shows I'm looking forward to. Okay, a show and a movie, two things, only two things that I have any hope for.

Disenchantment

From the mind of Matt Groening, so chances are we'll be in good hands. Given that Groening's previous shows were tied to the present (The Simpsons) and the future (Futurama), it's only appropriate that his next toss into the ring be set in the past. Well, as much of the past as any fantasy series.

On the exterior, some might call this an edgy rip-off of Adventure Time (given everyone's obsession with that sugary mess I won't be surprised if someone makes that asinine comparison, but that won't happen surely.), but after watching the trailer, and seeing how this made the entry, I'm interested to see how this goes.

Essentially the series focuses on Princess Bean, who goes through tropes akin to many of rebellious princesses and seeks to find a deeper purpose in life. Though she's also an alcoholic so she has that edge. Given the level of political correctness that plagues moves and TV shows nowadays, you may think that Bean may be a character who's always in the right no matter what and it's her that tries to sway the guys into following the right path, but you'd be wrong.

Princess Bean stands out as a character who's naive to most things and, judging by the trailer, resorts to extreme measures to find her purpose in life and solve the conflict of the day. She also isn't the most intelligent character in the show as she's still able to make mistakes.

We all make mistakes, that's just being human, and not part of a political agenda that evokes a hidden sense of sexism.

I probably won't catch the show on Netflix, so I'm holding out for one of those free-viewing sites to have it at some point. I don't know how long this show will last, but where this show begins, at some point The Simpsons will end, and I expect a majority of the comments on the show to be about how it's better than the newer Simpsons, which they have the power to not watch like they have been for the past few years and thus giving the show enough viewership to continue the influx of new episodes. Glad I got that out of the way.

The trailer for the show is right here.

Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus

To show that I'm interested in the movie, I made this my Twitter icon.

As some of you may already know, I'm a fan of Invader Zim. I had one of the main characters as my avatar for a while to exemplify this. Obviously I'm looking forward to the movie, and that's really all I have to say about it. Only thing I could add is that the style looks slightly different, done to resemble the style used in the Invader Zim comics. Given that those are more recent, I understand why they went that direction.

Not sure if I'll catch it, might do the same thing as I would with Disenchantment, but I really hope it goes well.

Trailer for that down below.

How to be Diverse in your Shows and Not Have Your Heads In Your Asses at the Same Time

comicbook.com/dc/2018/07/22/ti…

Immediately grabbing the racism buzzword with both hands and their mouths

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www.syfy.com/syfywire/titans-a…
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Why is it that the exact moment I'm critical about something the hatedom immediately becomes toxic? Then again this does provide more validation for how the Teen Titans fandom is the worst one ever.

Once, I gave a brief piece on the upcoming Titans TV series, and I took the time to talk about how Starfire was portrayed by a black actress. The actress is another brick in an Instagram closure following numerous heated comments, and since this is 2018, they pin it on racism. I'm in between on this one, and naturally, I'm going to give my piece and I might be all over the place.

Why using a black actress was a mistake.

Do note that this has nothing to do with the actor's chops or competence. They could have it, but it's all down to being in the wrong place at the right time.

Let's go over the character. Almost all of the time, Starfire was portrayed not as white, but generally orange. Whatever the case, it's certainly not close to what Titans has in mind. It just doesn't feel right and feels like a far cry from what's been firmly established (though I will say Anna Diop looks a hell of a lot better than the Starfire in the 2003 anime.

Along with that, my issue with this is that it just feels like a forced entry. Again, referring to the 2015 Fantastic Four movie, there was no purpose in casting Johnny Storm as black, in spite of every other entry doing it differently, and the director only did it to base it on his family. These days they do it for the sake of progressivism, but honestly, it just feels like another form of racism. They treat black people like objects, a means to an end, and throw them into roles not suited for them just so the creators could look woke and progressive.

If I were to be so bold and suggest a way to be progressive, why not make one of the characters gay? How about Beast Boy? He's no man's man and he seems like he could veer into any territory and an episode focusing on sexuality could make for some interesting internal drama that could be exploited by the villain. Or, they could revive Jinx and she could form a rapidly developing friendship with Raven. If they bring her back and they decide to return her to her roots in evil, it could lead to a character arc where Jinx gains some serious development and veers closer to the side of good, and again, an interesting way to explore sexuality. That makes more sense than just turning a character black and then calling it a day.

Same sexuality: Exploration.
Turning characters black for no reason: Exploitation.

If you want to include a black person in your show, just make it into a new character. Do what you want with it, your sick means of progressivism and her(im) being able to do everything flawlessly would surface nicely I could tell.
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Now for the elephant in the room. How bad was the apparent racism toward Diop? Well, the articles I've seen didn't provide any screenshots of comments displaying the supposed racial remarks, so, people are talking out their ass and continue the racist ideology that black people can't hold their own when it comes to stuff like this.

While we're at it, if we're so hellbent on turning characters black in order to promote diversity, that upcoming Roseanne spin-off would do fine if they replaced every actor with a new roster of black and muslim actors, that way nobody could say shit about it unless they want to be called racist.
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My point is, don't let diversity or racial qualms get in the way of a bad casting choice.

In more positive news, I'm looking forward to the new Invader Zim movie.

Quick thoughts on the Growing Around IndieGoGo Fiasco

This character goes through some hypocrisy. Beyond that...

This doesn't look too bad.

I'm a bit late on this, but I just wanted to give my piece. The critics rained down a bit too hard, but I could understand why. There wasn’t too much to be salvaged from the IndieGoGo business.

For the show itself, I'm actually a bit interested in seeing it come to fruition, just to see how bad or good it could be.

Mosaic Review

Throughout the late-2000s, Cartoon Network began licensing films released on DVD by Starz/Anchor Bay Entertainment and LionsGate. In case you need a refresher, these included Hellboy Animated, a duo of movies based on the comics. Only caught most of the second one, was interested in seeing what I missed and I have no regrets. Then there was the Ultimate Avengers movies, and... while I'm on the topic.

• Grey DeLisle should never voice anyone outside of comedic roles. I get too much of a Daphne Blake vibe whenever I hear her talk.
• We essentially already had a Black Panther movie when the second one came out, and this one is more palatable thanks to the lack of a political slant.
• They completely nerfed Ant Man. Oh, and new rule coming forth, don't kill off characters after you establish them as dicks and then pass it as some tragic moment. We'd remember the characters more for their dickish behavior.
• The Hulk comes off as bland. It was done better in the 1996 cartoon and Fantastic Four: World Greatest Heroes with a balance between darkness and humor. It felt more believable and endearing.
• The whole thing is caked with grit and darkness. It's like Teen Titans without the ill-fitting anime tropes.

Oh, there was this other Marvel movie that essentially fell under the cracks. Read the title bitches.

Background

I distinctly remember seeing previews for the movie on Cartoon Network. I even caught it in full, but after that it just faded from my conscious, for the most part. This was a case that also occurred for me on Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes and the only reason I went digging for that series was because one scene popped into my head and I needed to find the context for it. Whereas the cartoon is part of a well-recognized property, Mosaic wasn't, and I couldn't remember the name of it for the life of me.

Wanna know how I was able to find out the name? A quote from the promos popped into my head, and luckily it was traced to the movie once I did a Google search on the quote. At first I wanted to try and find the film and see if it was... decent. I didn't remember particularly liking it or hating it, but it was a bit difficult. I gave up trying to find it until recently where I took a gamble and went on KimCartoon.me, and lo and behold, I found it, and it was... meh.

History

One thing that caught my eye was that the story of the film was written by Stan Lee. Not a story based on something by Stan Lee, this was off the top of his head. The film was directed by Roy Allen Smith, who was behind Land Before Time II to IV and those animated Leap Frog videos (remember Leap Frog?), and that's going by his movie credits. The film was produced by Film Roman (who was behind... essentially anything made over in the states) as well as Manga Entertainment who was owned by the distributor's (Anchor Bay) owner at the time.

This was, as far as I'm willing to believe, intended to be a step into a brand new IP for Marvel, so how did this movie fare? Per audience reception (which may be the last honest ratings system on the site) it got a 49% on Rotten Tomatoes, just one below a respectable fresh rating. Ouch. That's so my impression on the film.

Plot

Before I go any further I'd just like to say that I'll only go over the general synopsis and key points in the film. It won't be a plot analysis since it works poorly on a textual basis. Not everything translates well via text (isn't that right Crappy Games Wiki)?

Set in New York City (because that's the only real city that exists to Marvel evidentially.) The movie centers on Maggie Nelson, an actress who's the daughter of an INTERPOL agent. The latter visits a crime scene at a museum, where an artifact belonging to an indigenous lost tribe of chameleons (work with me) is the source of the conflict. During a freak storm, thanks to Maggie refusing to shut off her laptop to focus on a term paper, a lighting bolt strikes through the window, somehow gives power to the artifact (then again it could've been powered by plot contrivance) and from there, Maggie Nelson discovers her powers and sets out under the moniker... Maggie Nelson. Oh, you probably thought that Mosaic was the name of Maggie's super alter-ego right? No, it's actually the name of a co-headliner who helps her locate her father after he gets kidnapped by the head honcho of the chameleon people. She takes the name near the end though so... I guess you could do that.

And since I bring up the chameleon people without properly explaining it, imagine Metropolis, if it were reworked into a reptilian-furry fanfic written by someone who watches anime-styled western cartoons with a bottle of lotion. This is the world that got flipped over turned upside down by revolutionaries (or these days, ANTIFA with a deeper psychological complex) and later destroyed, with few remaining. I'd throw in a Black Panther comparison, but fuck, I don't want to give the movie any more attention. Basically, it's every story involving a tribe of people dying out due to corruption. This kind of thing should (heck, practically is) happen in most of the world and soon, but I guess life has to be a ass.

Characters

Our lead Maggie totally has an endearing personality down. She's... an actress. That's cool that's cool. She's snarky, because I guess every good hero needs to be. She catches onto things too soon. Throughout the movie, save for certain moments, she is able to piece together what's happening and is able to do whatever she needs to without any fatal mistakes. Way to keep us on the edge of our seats, and what a time when this is the first we ever hear of Maggie (I could see why you named the movie after an entirely different character. When we have heroes going by their street names we've reached the bottom of the barrel and are now contracting the "I need money." splinters. How does she stack up as a hero? There's a section on Wikipedia that lists every power that was identified in the film.

Maggie's powers include shapeshifting, super strength, the ability to cling to surfaces allowing for scaling walls and ceilings (much like Spider-Man), seeing the DNA of other creatures (which is how she can compare humans to apes), regeneration, infrared vision, camouflage, and the ability to become invisible and mimic voices as well as a gift for understanding the Chameliel language (it is never explained if this ability shows that she can understand other languages or speak them but it makes sense). Strangely, when Maggie becomes invisible, her outline gives off the appearance that she is completely naked, even though she is in fact wearing clothes. Why her clothes are not outlined when her body is invisible is never made clear.
Or in layman's terms, too fucking many. I could understand shapeshifting to go with the chameleon aspect, but everything else? God... So she also has above average strength, who doesn't? Then there's climbing through walls. Why do you feel the need to incorporate Spider-Man of all things into this project? If so then why not have her powers awakened through the bite of a radioactive chameleon.

Maggie is fawned over by Stephen, the kind of guy who'd cut his own arm of if it meant making Maggie happy, but he goes through the kind of trope that prevents him from being more open about it. She likes you dude, and hasn't rebuffed you on any of your advances. What're you waiting for? In this day and age, every man in the Marvel universe would be like this, and gay.

Then there's the real Mosaic, and honestly I really prefer this character to Maggie. He's a chameleon cop who seeks to protect the human race from the movie's big bad, has a charming personality and usually knows the right thing to do. Hell, his name is the movie's title, I'd be interested in seeing a film centered on him. Like many of what I talk about, it's something you have to see for yourself.

There is one more character I want to point out, and this one has the advantage over anything in Ultimate Avengers, a cameo from Stan Lee to continue a long-standing tradition.

And the villain is too bland for me to talk about in detail, so I'll leave it off here.

Animation

The animation is that shiny stilted animation that plagued many of animated D2V movies from the period. It's not remarkable but it has a way of searing into your mind.

Acting

While this is an American production, it actually houses a bunch of Canadian actors. Some include Nicole Oliver (voice of Hsien-Ko in the Darkstalkers OVA for example), Garry Chalk, Scott McNeil and Kathleen Barr, those should be familiar to most of you. Who does the lead? Anna Paquin, a newcomer to me, and for someone like Maggie, I think she's a bit miscast. Maggie sounds bland and closer to an archetypal diva than someone who desires a strong personality. Nicole Oliver would've been a better choice personally. The rest get the job done, and commending the real Mosaic again, the voice for him is a perfect fit.

Stand Outs
There were some scenes that stood out to me that I just had to mention. You have to see these to believe it.

• There was an instant where a teacher grabbed the ass of a principal in a flirtatious move. Seriously.
• When using her power to stop crime, Maggie comes across a girl who's about to get raped by two guys (no way they could go any further since the movie was aired on Cartoon Network) and surprisingly, she's portrayed as a weak christian girl, complete with a christ pendant around her neck. If this was made today, she would be muslim and the two guys after her would be portrayed as Trump supporters.
• Then there's a surrealistic nightmare scene where Maggie is in her underwear and toward the end of it she gets pulled apart by everyone. Given the fantasy and everything I told you about before, you could put the pieces together.

If you want a summary of each.

Sexual harassment.

Rape

This speaks for itself.

This is real...

Overall

Now where does this movie stand? As a springboard for a new IP, it was destined for failure. The lead is too uninteresting, the premise is hackneyed and generic and the animation suffers from this as well. If they put more money into this and the merchandising (which there wasn't any of), someone would've gone bankrupt. Thankfully, this movie was all alone, no video game adaptation for the Nintendo DS (or Game Boy Advance if it landed in the hands of a cheap-ass publisher), no mini comics, nothing.

I'm a stickler for obscure shows and movies, so the fact that this flew right over my head and it took a quote to help me figure out what the movie was says a lot through my perspective.

I implore you to watch the movie, but remember, if you're viewing it on a Mac, X out any pop-up windows: kimcartoon.me/Cartoon/Mosaic/M…

Why I Hate Avatar The Last Airbender

Most of you know of my unrelenting disfavor for two certain shows. You might think I hate these shows because I just want to spite the fandoms, but I actually did see these shows when they were relatively new, most of them in their entirety, so I at least have an idea on what makes them tick and I could come up with good reasons as to why I don't like them. Aside from the one obvious aspect which I'm sure you'll tell me I keep hammering into my latest journals, here're some reasons as to why I hate Avatar the Last Airbender.

• Archetypical, barely relatable characters with offset development: This is an objective and subjective point. Subjectively, none of the main characters resonate with me. I could better identify the characters through their archetypes alone. The free-spirited to plain jane one, girl with a temper and a dead mom, comic relief, blind rich girl who manages to adapt to new horizons within the course of one episode and Tomoki from Watamote if he were a democrat in 2017. Personally, I can't find a single endearing character. What kind of characters do I like? In many shows I often root for the divas, the bullies, the cynics, the deadpan snarkers, the sarcastic ones and the goths/emos/moody ones. I like them because they tend to be the most expressive and open-ended when it comes to the other characters. It's fun seeing them act over the top, and in the face of a breakdown I could really feel the weight of the world crushing them. Even then, I find it easier to assess their situations as to why they became who they were today. The world isn't this beautiful place where everyone sings Michael Jackson, the character types I mention give a strong implication they know the world they live in isn't a beautiful place, but they express it in the worst possible places. Compare that to near-archetypal characters in Avatar and you'll get the idea. Now onto objectivity. The upbringing of the characters, particularly the first introduced, could be summed up like this. Their parents/guardians died. That's the driving force behind the more integral characters. Dead parents are one of the most relied upon cliches in storytelling, especially in anime, hint hint. I could live with this, but the show hardly tried to break any barriers. Their close ones died, they became embittered, they're driven to take down the force responsible, let's stop at the bar a job well done. It's hard to emphasize with characters that could hardly be distinguished from other characters of similar upbringings. Even without these bogging the characters down, the personalities will still spoil the meat. Aang is the free-spirited one who frequently switches between having basic to no personality at all. Sokka's the comic relief, with any dimension breaks being far in between and offset by new introductions. For example, during the first season when he fell for Princess Yui (don't know how it's spelled, don't really care) and she died, it could've been a good way to liven his character up, but this is forgotten when he gets interested in Sukki (again, not sure if it's spelled as such.), he finds a girl, loses the girl, finds another girl, all is hunky dory even in what should be the most dramatic season. Katara is as bland as butterless toast, let's face it. She goes through the serious anime girl checklist throughout the series, and I can't truly feel bad for her. Toph could be summarized like this, she's a rich girl with a tomboyish personality who did wrestling, so she had no problem ditching her family to join our adventuring heroes. Her mind could change on the flip of a dime, that's not endearing. I'll end it with Zuko, since I'm starting to ramble. Admittedly, he's slightly more interesting than the others, and it's not because of his upbringing, in fact most of his upbringing (scarring at the hands of his father and his ultimately edgy violent personality personality) is more anime cliches rolled into one. What sets him apart from others to me is his personality later in the season, when he breaks the show's overly-serious (with very tiny dashes of humor) tone through some clever comedic moments. That's it.
• Very poor progression: This one always bugged me. This is noticeable in the first season, when Aang discovers he's the last of his kind... in the third episode. I get that with a title so blatant the news had to be dropped right away, at least according to the writers I guess, but so soon? This is a major turning point for Aang, he discovers the death of people he held dear for years. He abandoned them because he felt he wasn't prepared to give up the life he once had before becoming the chosen one. He had no idea about the conflict that would change his world forever, and it all comes crashing down right after the introduction duology. Now I know what you're thinking "OH CHANNELEVEN DO YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA FOR WHEN SUCH AN EPISODE SHOULD AIR?! BET YOU CAN'T BECAUSE YOU LOVE MEAN SPIRITED CANADIAN AND AUSTRALIAN CARTOONZ!!11!1!" Actually yes. For any series that contains an overarching storyline, the more dramatic instances should be saved for closer to the end of the season. Why not have the first season go with Aang exploring the world around him, being naive to the war aspects that occur, being shat on by people who consider him a traitor and a coward as well as being oblivious to the fact that he's the last of his kind. Have the first season follow an action-comedic dynamic, with the action being in the fight scenes and the comedy being in the confusion as to the root of why everything is happening and then just as the season ends, Aang decides to take his friends to the Air Temple to see his brethren, paying no mind to the disarray its in until he discovers the damage, the corpses of fire nation soldiers and his mentor Kiatso. From that point on, Aang realizes that he is the last Air Bender, he takes his responsibilities more seriously and it molds him into the figure he was meant to be, and if this serves as a season finale, viewers would remain in suspense over how the revelation would affect Aang. The episodes closer to the end of season one affected Sokka more, and even then he moved on upon discovering Sukki. This might sound like a nitpick, but trust me, if it went the way I theorized, Avatar would've held a bigger impact.
• The Big Bads Are Letdowns: Azula and the Fire Lord withstanding. The latter comes off as more of a hype man than anything else, and no, it's not some ignorant stretch. He is kept in the shadows until the final season, and what was the turn out? A guy who looked mildly intimidating while maintaining traits from the anime big bad checklist. Corrupted by his own power, making an enemy out of his weakest herald, no sympathetic traits and is the reason all the bad shit is happening. He's a hype-man, and said hype-man is a block of wood drenched in intimidating varnish. Good for the action scenes, but on his own, not so endearing. Azula is a whole other kettle of fish. It's like the writers did everything they could to make her as unlikeable as possible. She's like this in every single one of her appearances, even in her childhood years. Why is this such a bad thing? Three words. No. Character. Development. She could've easily been made into an interesting character had their been a convincing drive for her current personality. But no, she's just born that way, and that's good enough for the mouth breathers that ate this show up. Now I know what you're thinking, do I have an example of better villains in a similar league? No, I have two. First example, Trina Riffin from Grojband. Her drive is that she hates her brother and his band and wants to destroy them. They exploit her emotional intensity which she puts into her diary, which they steal to make songs out of. She was a nice girl during her childhood, but developed into a cruel teenager, and her brother may be a contributing force behind that which is why she persists in her fruitless attempts at destroying him and his band. Beyond that, she's the most expressive out of all the characters, having the strongest emotional expressions and an endearing personality. Not enough? Let's go for a much tamer Azula. Heather from Total Drama Island. She's a manipulative girl who's not interested in making friends. Her drive is that cash prize that only the last inhabitant shall receive, and she'll do anything to receive it. She parodies the mean girl archetype found in various drama shows, during one moment she has an emotional breakdown that shows she's not nothing but mean (giving a strong implication of how she is off the show, even if it turns out to just be another diva archetype) and yeah, her motives are convincing especially for a show of such a crazy calibre. Two characters from Canadian cartoons are more endearing and have better motives and drives than Azula. Think about it. Before I move on, here's a tip to the writer provided he touches anything new, you could make your villains unlikeable, but at least provide some redeeming qualities especially when they hold as much focus as the protagonists. We have to sit through their scenes if we bother to follow the plot, and if the villains act irredeemable throughout all their appearances, chances are people with sense would think "Holy shit how long will this go on, can we just move to the protagonists already?"

Just wanted to get my biggest criticisms against this show out of the way. It really does go beyond the whole "It's bad because it tries to be an anime." schtick, and I hope you all could see where I'm coming from (or bring up whatever corrections you have)

Committed Review

Feminism... is a cult. No really, it's a freakin' cult presided over by extreme individuals who want nothing more than to eradicate every male in existence. They can torment you and practically destroy your life with the drop of a dime. Now I know what you're thinking, why am I starting off with this controversial statement? It kinda ties in to the show I'm going to talk about. Today/tonight/whenever it is wherever you are, I'm going to discuss a show that's so soulless, so agenda based that it wouldn't look out of place in the PC-riddled shit-hole that is our country.

Before I get into the show itself, I'd like to provide some backstory as I always do, such as the fact that the show I'm going to talk about is based on a comic strip. Between 1999 and 2001, shows based on comic strips were the most prevalent (referring to prime time animated shows that is). 1999 gave us Dilbert, a humorous representation of the world of business, which ultimately failed due to it being on UPN. 2000 brought us Baby Blues, an ok show with a unique sense of humor which also failed because it was on The WB, but was saved by Adult Swim (who were also kind enough to save Mission Hill and The Oblongs.) The following show would be the last of the trio, and hence the worst of them all. Committed.

Committed was a comic strip that, akin to many ongoing strips, began in 1994, only to end in 2008. It was created by Michael Fry, who was also behind Over the Hedge, and you don't need to tell me that it was a hell of a lot better than the otherwise single-chuckle (though not often) worthy original strip. I would discuss the strip, but the show hardly differs from it so I'll save those descriptions for later. Out of every show-worthy comic strips (I would've loved to see a show based on The Lockhonrns, Heart of the City or Zits, heck Ziggy's perfect for a cheesy holiday special), the powers that be decided, "Hey, we lost two shows that tried to branch out from their established plot-lines, let's see where consistency will get us!" And just like that, Committed became a television series and was released to the public. In Canada.

You heard right, Committed, an American property, became a show in Canada. Though that doesn't mean it didn't make it to American soil, it just wasn't able to get onto a network that everyone watched. It wasn't 2000 anymore so it couldn't get on NBC (Sammy and God, The Devil and Bob), ABC realized that people may actually enjoy animated sitcoms (ala The Critic) so they were out of the question, CBS was adamant against airing animated sitcoms in the current age (or current back in the early 2000s) and I don't know why FOX didn't want it. Not even The WB or UPN took it for a short run.

So where did it wind up? ... WE: Women's Entertainment. I should be more surprised that an animated sitcom aired on an unconventional network, but research has made those qualms obsolete. Duckman aired on USA Network, and the only times they aired cartoons were on their morning cartoon block. Free for All aired on Showtime in 2003, and their website previously hosed Queer Duck. The Life & Times of Tim aired on HBO and was the closest to a full-on animated comedy series. So animated shows airing on the least likely networks isn't that surprising to me anymore.

Now you're probably wondering, how did Committed Wind up on Women's Entertainment? Because it's a perfect representation of how twisted feminism has become. Let's finally get into the show.

The strip, and by extension the entire show, focused on the Larsen family, consisting of Joe (aka Satan to the wymyns), the obligatory baby Zelda, the eldest Tracy and the lead in the show, Liz God Miamoto Larsen. How different is the show to the comic? Aside from a few cosmetic changes and additional characters (sometimes a little polish is necessary), there's... one major difference. Zelda has been converted into the middle child/obligatory tomboy), Tracy is now the eldest girly-girl character and the baby is replaced by Nicholas (and just to further rub salt in the wound, Nicholas is the most dysfunctional of them all. If he were a girl he'd probably overpower Stewie Griffin).

To the show's credit, Liz doesn't receive the most focus as you'd expect, every character gets a fair shake. But no matter what, a trend is made apparent. No matter what, Joe is always in the wrong, and we have to sympathize with the PMSing Liz (she's a woman so she's always right no matter what and if you think she's not the Vigrin Mary of animated wives you're a misogynistic sexist pig who should get your ass kicked). I've yet to see a single male in the show that isn't an asshole, lazy or anything else of the sort. I'd rather join the WBC than follow along in the cult of reverse sexism. The show intends (or at least intended at one point) to follow the framework of a couple struggling with parenthood, but it devolves within seconds, forgets its priorities and seems to be doing everything it could to stay on its American network in the hopes people would remember it. In fact, the times where they do focus on that is executed in a fashion so discomforting that I wouldn't be surprised that they murder their kids at one point (though if Joe did it, Liz would probably be pissed because a cis male did the killing)

You may fault me for giving a near half-assed review of the show, but if you watch just one episode, you could see just how soulless this show is. Nowadays, people'd probably call the networks sexist if they cancelled it, call the critics misogynists because they gave negative reviews and heck, if this came out recently, don't be surprised if Liz dyed her hair red.

Here's an episode of the show so you could get an idea on what I'm talking about. Watch it and see how well it fits with my bigoted review.

Even the worst modern animated adult programs had some kind of charm. Committed has no such charm, and it wouldn't look out of place in the feministic world we live in today.

Dragon's Lair 3D Review

In the early-2000s, my cousin bought me a peculiar video game. I got stuck on the fourth level then returned to it a few years later, only to get stuck even further into the game when I discovered the solution to it was entirely linear. I tried finding a clue to beating the game in a children's book, seriously, then after a few more years I sacked up and revisited the game (well, after watching a let's play of it), and I not only beat it, but I beat it multiple times since. Obviously I'm talking about Dragon's Lair 3D.

I reviewed this ages ago, but I want to try it again.

You probably never played it, but chances are you've heard of it. Dragon's Lair was a revolutionary arcade game. How revolutionary? It was one of, if not THE first arcade games to make use of full-motion video and interactive animated cutscenes. How could anyone resist that? It turned out so well that it got put on display at the Smithsonian Institute in D.C., which given the impact it had on the market as well as showing how anyone could go above and beyond with arcade games which would later affect the home console market, as well as the fact that this came out in the 80s... I think that was the right call.

Given the success of this game, follow-ups would ensue. A sequel came out that found its way to multiple consoles at the time (along with the first but that's to be expected since FMV games were popular for the period.) There was also an NES game which shot itself in the foot with its slow movement and how easy it was to die, as well as a Game Boy Color recreation of the first, which was actually pretty cool for the fact that it replicated the arcade game to the finest detail.

In 2002, Dragon's Lair's most ambitious follow up graced the sixth generation of gaming. A full-blown adventure game where you get to decide where you want to go, what you want to do (as long as you remember you have to do stuff to progress.) and it's in 3D. You're probably thinking that this game was pawned up to some third-rate developer and shat out to make that all-important dollar. But no, some of the people involved with the original arcade game were very involved with the game. Don Bluth even directed some new animated sequences for it, and if he's involved, the game will certainly be above average.

It was developed by Dragonstone Software, a company who's only point in existing was to develop the game. To my knowledge it's a branch of Dragon's Lair's holding company, and given the company's elusively and how in spirit the game is to the predecessors, I think it's about accurate. The publishing for this game is a mess. Ubisoft is credited as the prime publisher for its American releases while THQ handled the game's European ones. It's typically the other way around since Ubisoft is a European company. The copy I own is published by Encore, who to my knowledge is a work-for-hire publisher for budget games and was owned by a company that once owned Funimation.

Another interesting tidbit is that this game uses the Genesis3D engine, which within the same year was used for the PC shooting game Ethnic Cleansing. Guess what that- It's by the National Alliance. Yeah.

Plot

Par the course with other Dragon's Lair games, you take the role of Dirk the Daring. A bumbling relative-mute who sets out to find Princess Daphne, the fair maiden (who's rocking a leotard with a stocking skirt that used to be there in the original but not anymore. Too late to keep this from feminists that give feminism a bad name. Daphne is held prisoner by Singe the Dragon, a herald to the old bastard Mordroc, and Dirk must set out to find her within a castle. Simple enough. What I just said holds the most bearing throughout the game, and beyond an encounter with Dirk's alter-ego which doesn't hold much bearing on the core of the plot beyond an extremely subtle hint that the Daphne talking to Dirk is a trap, it really doesn't need that much depth.

Gameplay

As mentioned before, it plays like a typical plat-former. It's very linear, with only singular solutions to problems and not much motivation to go any other path. There's a right way, and a million wrong ways. If you decide to explore, you could find treasures, which include gold, chalices, diamonds and crowns. At first I thought they were only there for something bogus, but it turns out that if you get a certain amount (and it's a tall number.) you could unlock cheats. They're not necessary to the game and by the time you beat the game a couple of times, it's doubtful you'd need the cheats because as far as I know, they don't effect the cosmetics of the game, they just make it a bit easier, seems to exist solely to make speed running much more possible. You could also collect potions that up your energy and containers that could increase the size of your health and magic meters. Other times you find little orbs that are left behind by enemies or are out in the open. Limited result rates apply. You also have unlimited lives, and checkpoints appear whenever you enter specific rooms. Plus you could restart from your last checkpoint by selecting it in the pause menu if you want an immediate do-over.

You travel through familiar areas and some dull ones too, including the famous rope-swinging scene. Along the way, you get more powers to help you on your journey, coming about after fights with the bosses, aka familiar faces from the games. Beat the Robot Knight by hitting him after going to opposing sides of the room while avoiding electrified patches on the floor and you get the dragon's ring, which is the first instance you get a mana bar. Mana is used for magical powers, i.e., a necessity if you're nearly fucked in combat or need to get somewhere out of your reach. It's at this point you get to the crossroads, and you gradually build up your magic powers.

Anyway, with the dragon's ring, you get your first magic power, a charged attack that allows you some distance when enemies gang up on you. This eats away at your mana the longer you charge it, so use it sparingly unless you could find more. This is followed by a series of corridors where you have to ring bells to open the doors and traverse a series of moving platforms, later to take on the Bat King. Next you traverse the falling platforms room, right after the famous elevator scene in the arcade game and you'll get the Dragon's wing, a major necessity that grants you the ability to fly, while allowing you to cushion the impact to a long fall.

With this, you get to go to a corridor who's bridge is completely destroyed, and given what's ahead it's easy to see why. It leads to a four-level area, the crypt. You face crypt creeps, ghosts with skulls for heads, one-eyed pigs and those aren't even the most horrifying to me. It's those damn spiders. You have tiny spiders hidden by the darkness that grab your face and drain your health. I take it Don Bluth's a huge Ridley Scott fan. But then they have giant spiders, and with the way the animation goes in the game and the fact you rarely see their faces, it's a creepy sight to behold. I'm a bit arachnophobic if you can't tell. Along the way you get your second practical weapon, a crossbow, and after another showdown with the Crypt Creep, just a matter of shooting him and guessing which coffin he's hiding in, you get the Dragon's spirit, aka a health regenerator, aka something you may use the most often if you know the right places to get mana.

You reach the final corridor, and there's no going back. In this room, the Impossible Room, you traverse through a semi-surreal area where doorways could lead you anywhere and put you upside down even. I surprisingly figured this out and only got stuck in a level after this one. You have about four ways to go, the castle sewers where you get fire arrows to inflict more damage and blow through explosive barrels (which I admittedly got stuck on) and then you fight a sea monster (the eye of it anyways) and you get the Dragon's eye, allowing you to see through fake walls. Then, you get the key to a room where the Lizard King is hiding. It has a pot of gold that steals your weapons, bear with me, and upon defeating him, you get the key to face Singe. Upon beating him, you get a magic sword that only really comes to play in the more heated portions of the game and you fight Dirk's alter-ego. You get the dragon's skin, which makes you fire-proof, ergo, able to go through the final exit in the Impossible Room. You're taken to what may be a representation of hell, or somewhere well below the earth's crust. Be quick about it it though, because your fire-proof coating could only last so long.

You make it through hell, only to be faced with an even greater demon once you leave the volcanic landscape, a giant spider in full-view. Admittedly, I ran up a nearby stairway and went back down a bit to shoot it with a crossbow. What the fuck's wrong with me? Some more exploration later, you face your next boss, a Smithee Knight, where you get your final mana-based weapon, the Dragon's flame, allowing you to set your sword on fire to attack enemies faster. It is there that you open up a hidden passage to an even greater nightmare, a pitch-black walkway that has giant spiders waiting for you at every turn. The giant spiderweb on the door that opens was a warning, who knew? Two entry ways exist, one that's but two jumps away from the final. You traverse through more landmark scenes from the arcade game along the way and you face the Thorn Master, in a fight reminiscent of another Dragon's Lair scene (this applies for every boss fight evidentially), and with it, you get the key to the last room and a magic arrow that could kill enemies within one hit, but you could only get one so use it wisely, as in for the very end.

Your final challenge is an endurance round, where the only way you could progress is if you kill baby dragons that are more difficult to fight than previous ones. Then it all concludes with an even grander fuck you, where you have a lot of shit to dodge before the end. Next level you have to fight enemies while the floor breaks beneath you to build another floor. After that you have to run to the other side while avoiding portions of the floor that fade away and nerf your progress. Then it's your second greatest challenge yet, move mana cells (keys to opening most doors FYI) to the other side of the room, with minimal walking speed, and it's there that you face Mordroc.

There're two rounds, one where you deflect certain attacks and then use the magic arrow to land some hits. Then you face Mordroc as a dragon and you use your sword to knock most attacks back at him, then run to him and hit him directly. Do that a couple of times, and your reward is a bog-standard ending where everyone gets a happy ending, even Mordroc who lands a free tap on Daphne's ass. This, followed by a bizarre closing credits sequence ends the game on a moderate note. I'm not one who desires fancy endings to video games, so I'll take it as is.

Graphics

This is one of the few games to make use of cel-shaded graphics. While this is common in games centered around cartoons, it makes sense that this game utilizes it too since it's based on an arcade game that's a controllable cartoon. The cel-shading seems to apply more to the characters though, as the remainder of the game has a typical-rendered look to it. This doesn't lead to style-clashings however, because even the 3D environments compliment the gameplay, and Dirk fits right in. The character movement may look messy at times and yeah, the graphics barely hold up nowadays, but given that I've yet to find when development began, and since this was barely a year into the sixth generation of gaming, and that this game hardly looks as if it was re-edited from a fifth-generation game, I'd say some corners had to be cut. Also, they were using an engine that was primarily used for old-hat PC games. Plus you'd have to account for a fact that key people involved with the game likely had no experience in game development.

Control
This may be the first game I ever played where you use "Y" to jump. I'm serious. Surprisingly, this was never an issue for me and I adapted to it almost instantly, and son of a bitch, this game has a lot of moments that require quick jumping. "A" is used though, for your sword. Maybe this is a subtle node to how the NES Dragon's Lair game used "B" to jump, then for its international releases used Up to jump?

Extras

Not into the gameplay? Well there're a lot of bonuses to keep you interested. If you go into the extra's menu, you could not only watch the opening and closing cutscenes, but you could also watch a trilogy of behind the scenes videos detailing the making of the game. The Bink Video credit isn't for nothing (it's used for video rendering FYI.) There's also a prologue with crude representations of key characters, but that's second fiddle to the closing credits. During the credits, we get a music video, with a song performed by the voice of Daphne. The song sounds like your typical early-2000s song, complete with rapping, which one of the developers told her to do. Set along to this so-so jam is looped footage of the enemies moving, simulating dancing.

Here it is for you curious cats, along with an idea on how the game looks.

Music

While I'm going over key portions of the game, how does the music stack up? Well, it fits the mood perfectly, it's well conducted and tracks chosen for key levels fit them like a sock. They were REALLY desperate to make this game good that they focus obsessively on all key facets.

Overall

For all the effort they put into making Dragon's Lair relevant again, it wasn't in vein. Having the involvement of key people in the arcade game helped the 3D game lots. All graphical choices didn't downplay the core essence of the arcade game, "Y" being the jump button isn't a dealbreaker and you could adjust to it within time, it feels rewarding every time you complete a level no matter how hard it may be, references to scenes from the arcade game are affectionate and aren't out of place and you know what? I had fun playing it back then. The ending may not be entirely worth it if you struggled to get to the end or got stuck a long time ago and was unprepared for the game's further challenge, but you could see the commitment and effort the developers put into the game. It goes beyond the hapless cash-in and the poor attempts at making a classic property relevant again, it could be considered a great game both for the series it belongs to, and on its own merits too.

One last thing before I leave off, this game was apparently so popular that a developer behind another Dragon's Lair game made an edit of this game for DVD, where it plays like the arcade game. It's just a recording of the gameplay of Dragon's Lair 3D, and obviously people hated it. It exists...

Princess Natasha Review

I talked about Larry Schwartz last time, I talked about him a time or so before that, let's conclude with his first (and personal) worst offering. Princess Natasha.

Background

This was Larry Schwartz's first traceable cartoon. Or at the very least the first to bear his company branding. This series came out in 2003 and lasted until 2006, with forty four episodes spanning two seasons. It was originally available on AOL Kids (if you've been paying attention, that was Schwartz's prime destination for content.) Now normally I'd negate any strikes I'd have toward the series if it remained as an online property, but no. They really pushed this series, and for nothing clearly.

The show wound up on Cartoon Network (if you want some confirmation, it turned up in a RebelTaxi video where he mentioned Cartoon Network shows that people forgot about), a major network in the US so it's susceptible to the same rules as a TV show (since they treated it like one) (as well as on ABC Kids in Australia.) But there's more, it received a comic book (through DC of all people, but it's a bit more welcoming than any modern Marvel book (and for the record I'd hate those comics no matter what)), a series of six chapter books (with an instructional art book while I'm mentioning the merchandise) and a video game. If this sounds familiar to you, I did an essay on the show's video game. They really wanted to see this take off, and given that it has died a quiet death, along with the fact that fan art is scarce as hell (not even turning up on dA right from the word go), had it not been for Animation Collective's business model of using pre-sales to back their shows and a reliance on small budgets, this would've made somebody bankrupt.

Also, while I'm on the company credits, I'd like to address one company that perplexed me ever since I saw their brand at the end of Kappa Mikey. Kanonen and Bestreichen. Who're these guys? Well, if I had to guess, I'd say they helped provide Animation Collective's monetary assets and assisted in providing actors and other necessities. Given that Animation Collective relied on a small budget, the money had to come in from somewhere.

Plot
Scrappy-Doo and Tuffy (Nibbles to you Tom and Jerry fans) banged one time and somehow produced a child. They used their combined creators-pet powers to create a mildly less over-powered main character.

Okay, I'm over-doing it. But let me run by what this character is about. She's a princess, who's a secret agent too. I guess she was trained by her family on the off-chance she had to fend for herself, but that seems like a pretty tall order for a teenaged girl. She uses her accolades to make up for her lack of a personality, at least one that could be expressed properly.

The story is established in the fictional European nation of Zoravia, which if it were aired now, the conflict would be about how their current rulers won't allow above their size in migrants to flood the place. #Zorvexit. An unpopular ruler, Lubek (anagram for the Afghanistan capital, pointless trivia that isn't canonical to the show), seeks to take back his land by attacking the country from the US (I take it this lampoons the Iraq war. Yeah I'm too intelligent to make a Donald Trump joke. Seriously how do people not find those cringeworthy?) Natasha is chosen to fight against him (because teenaged girls are the prime choice for taking down a man with experience in the workings of a full nation, amirite?) and is forced to live undercover in Fountain Park.

Gee, given that we have a grand bulk of our shows set in California and New York, I wonder where Fountain Park is. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder I- It's Illinois. I didn't see that coming, as someone who's sick of the very state he's in right now it's refreshing to see new states get their time in the setting spotlight, even if it's Wisconsin's neckbeard, once ran by Barack Obummer. Natasha is aided by the token diversity quota Maya, a tribute to the software Animation Collective uses, probably, as well as an additional spy, Oleg. Better be careful Natasha, the moment you become queen people will claim you've colluded with Russia just by who you associate with or unconformable actions, isn't that right Tom Arnold?

The framework of nearly every episode is Lubek trying to carry out a plan and Natasha predictably stopping it every, single, time. I normally don't care about the heroes winning every time, but if this spans the entire series I'm going to bitch about it. Then I'll resume bitching about people bitching about Teen Titans Go and the newer Simpsons episodes. Princess Natasha isn't the most annoying to me in terms of that though. That honor goes to Atomic Betty (I watched the show as a kid, not obligated to like it now.)

Beyond that, the show is very hollow. It's a high school setting, so I kinda expect some relatable drama to be thrown in. I'm a sucker for that admittedly, sorta why I watched Degrassi whenever it was on (thank you conflicting copyright laws in Canada on the off-chance I want to see it again). This show has none of it, and when it does, it's simplified and plays second fiddle to the stop the badman schtick. No real continuity exists in the show, so if you've seen one episode, you don't have to see any more. Now before you says it, I know I said I prefer episodic shows, never said that had to include shows with repetitive plot-structures and seriously, some of the worst acting I've ever heard from actors who have chops.

Cast

The show's Wikipedia page claims that it contains three familiar actors, Wayne Grayson, Michael Sinterniklaas and Sean Schemmel. Skimming through the episode's end credits, I could see that the latter two are correct. I don't know what role Wayne Grayson played, since I pinpointed primary actors. But whatever the case it doesn't matter who voices who because their director is a lazy sack of shit. The direction is so half-hearted, that everyone sounds either wooden or lacking in damns to give.

Natasha's actress, Amy Casanova, is a mystery. When trying to find her on Google, the only IMDb page on her lists an entirely different production, a single credit mind you, and it was in the same year to further rub salt in the wound. The show has no IMDb page, so I can't follow any direct links, she has no Wikipedia article, let alone a stub that contains a small filmography, nada. I take it she was a personal friend to Schwartz, maybe an intern or something, whatever she was, acting wasn't too high on her priorities. She gives one of the weakest performances on the show, and I'm harping on her for that because she's the main character, i.e., someone with a constant presence in the show. Of course she would get more critical attention than the others.

Sean Schemmel and Michael Sinterniklass are great actors, even when forced to abide to the standards of their companies, but they suck just as well. Schemmel is usually the savior of an otherwise mediocre cartoon or dub he takes part in, sure his character (Oleg by the way) has one of the better deliveries in the cartoon, it's still far beneath what he's capable of. Interestingly, Schemmel played a Russian character in Speed Racer: The Next Generation. I haven't seen him up to that point, but I'd like to imagine he incorporated some of his performance for Oleg into that character, as if to say "LOOK LARRY, THIS IS WHAT I COULD DO IF YOU JUST LET ME GET BETTER DIRECTION!"

Michael Sinterniklaas play's Natasha's fake brother in her decoy family, and I barely recognize him. Steve Moverly is another under the radar actor, and I only recognize him because he also played Ozu in Kappa Mikey, a much better role with much better acting. Steve played an announcer in one episode of Princess Natasha. The only other actor I recognize is Tara Sands (or Tara Jaye), who had some roles in 4Kids dubs for YuGiOh Duel Monsters, Mew Mew Power and Shaman King, was on Phineas and Ferb, TMNT 2k3 and JoJo's Bizzare Adventure (and no that isn't a joke, it's listed on her credits on Wikipedia), hosted Cartoon Network's Fridays (not Cartoon Cartoon Fridays mind you) and a year before this, she lent her voice to the cult Adult Swim pilot Welcome to Eltingville. Interesting resume, and sadly, she gives a better delivery for her character (the popular archetype Kelly, who for the record also beats Atomic Betty in terms of the alpha bitch, and this is in part due to Kelly also being somewhat bland)

Animation

Okay, this is so out of character for me, but fuck, how could the animation make flash cartoons look so bad? This isn't about the frame rate (movement wise) or anything super-technical. The visual appeal is drab. Flat background, poor color pallet, and the characters alternate between lemon-shaped and circular eyes constantly. It's disorienting and since the former is the most used, the characters have an ugly vibe to them. The character movements range from stiff to as fluid as flash could be. I guess this was normal for early-2000s flash cartoons, and again, monetary operations, this was the best Animation Collective could do.

Another thing I'd like to address is the music and sounds. Songs are generic and tend to repeat often. The sound effects are stock, but what flash cartoon wouldn't have stock sound effects?

Overall

This show didn't stand the test of time too well. It looks like something that'd be found online. Hey, this debuted on AOL Kids, but the fact that they decided it was okay to air on a major network shows a great lack of common sense. Schwartz did contribute some shows to Cartoon Network long after this show. Ellen's Acres, a preschool cartoon that didn't even make it to Cartoon Network's Tickle-U block and enjoyed the same level of notability as the Land Before Time TV show (which yes, that fourteen-ology had in the late-2000s), as in none so much. Only notable thing about that series to me is that it's also not set in California, somewhat to the east of it actually, Tonopah, Nevada. As well as Wulin Warriors, which I already talked about and is already reviled, for about a few months before it became lost and now the only hate it gets are some mean comments left on episodes uploaded to YouTube.

Princess Natasha was an early step for Larry Schwartz, and it was a fairly bad one. The fact that they tried to push it with merchandise and network airings is a testament to how blind a market could be. Schwartz had nowhere to go but up at this point, and as history shows, he made it as far before piercing the high heavens.

As for this show... the video game was more interesting. Here's the one episode that introduced me to the show. If you aren't held back by the glorious-looking thumbnail, well... yeah.

Speed Racer: The Next Generation Review

Long before I joined the internet, and a little before high school made me into a cynical mess, I used to watch Nicktoons Network. Some of my more bizarre memories came from watching the network. It introduced me to shows which I had no idea were from other countries, and at the time I thought it was the greatest thing ever.

I was around for the ride while the network still had immense siginfance. I was there when they showed old Nicktoons, and the new stuff, I saw the Nicktoons Animation Festival a couple of times, I not only caught that weird programing error that showed the last few minutes of an episode of Kablam, but a rare variant of it that showed an ident from when Nicktoons Network was Nicktoons TV and part of an episode of CatDog.

I also remember unintentionally pulling an all-nighter just to catch shows on the network I haven't seen yet. At that point, I got to see Ren and Stimpy for the first time, I got to see Rocko's Modern Life for the first time in a while and I was introduced to shows like Skyland, Shuriken School and Corneil and Bernie (or Watch My Chops for people in Europe). I remember that because on the same day I was involved in a boating accident and practically got crippled. No joke.

The point is, Nicktoons Network had a strong collection of shows that stuck in my mind one way or another. For instance, today's show is the only show in the same vein as those plot-heavy anime-styled shows that I don't hate with a passion nowadays (well, Skyland may count too, but I haven't seen that in a while)

Personal Background

Not even one LTA ago, I talked about Wulin Warriors, a show by Larry Schwartz. Since I've been looking deeper into his works, since this show popped into my head since I could still remember nearly everything I watched on Nicktoons Network, and the fact that I'm only at work from 8 to 5 leaving me with dick to do until then, I decided, fuck it, I wanted to watch this show and see if I'd still be into it. To start off, the first episode is a three part special and admittedly, I was interested in watching all three parts. So, mission accomplished.

When I saw the show on TV, I got as far as episode 6. At that point I was slipping away from television, either that or I was moving on to Cartoon Network (mostly by 2010 or so) and got to see, quite frankly, some of the ugliest shows of all time.

Production Background

Again, this show is by Larry Schwartz. It was created to promote the live-action Speed Racer movie (remember that?) but it seemed to have garnered enough traction to warrant a full-series. Animation Collective (Schwartz's company), produced the show for its first season. The remaining season was put in the hands of two different studios, Toonz Animation India, who went on to produce a Speed Racer animated film (not based on Next Generation by the by), and worked on another show for Nicktoons, Wolverine and the X-Men, which I haven't seen, but seems like another bog-standard late-2000s Marvel cartoon that's either somewhat campy or borderline fucked up like the Ultimate Avengers D2V movies.

Telegael was the second animator, an Irish animation studio who did work on numerous shows by Moonscoop, all of which ranged from forgettable to crap (save for Growing Up Creepie, which is a decent show.) I haven't seen the second season, so I won't pass an ultimate judgement on it yet, though given that most animated shows faced a steep decline following a studio change (George of the Jungle stands as the worst example of this (and you people thought the first season was crap.)), I'm keeping my distance.

The show was also produced (and I assume was bankrolled) by Lionsgate, better known as the purveyor of bargain bin animated movies and one of seven companies involved with Dear White People, an amalgamation of black people who's keeping their entire race many centuries back, I will never say anything more beyond that because fuck, I'm not giving that show any more attention.

Premise

The show ties in all previous generations of Speed Racer. Our lead, aptly named Speed, is the son of the original Speed Racer who went missing following his birth. Speed is befriended by his roommates, Connor, a stand-in for Sparky and Chim-Chim, a stand-in for... fuck if I could remember the name of the monkey in the original show, as well as Lucy... either a diversity quota or she's based on someone from the original series. Within not even a few episodes, Speed discovers he's not only the son of Speed Racer, but the brother to X, a popular racer and a friendly rival. The antagonist, Zile, sets out to destroy Speed after he discovers plans to build an eco-friendly car on steroids.

Watching the show, I hardly payed attention to the main plot, so I didn't recognize the main motive at the time. Watching it again, it goes like this, Zile played a part in the disappearance of the legacy Speed when he made plans to produce the Mach 6, a car that could run without fossil fuels, one that would set a chain of events that would render fossil fuels obsolete. Having an empire built around that, Zile did what he had to do, and now sets his sight on the neo Speed since he seeks to bring the car to fruition.

That's... admittedly not too bad of a plot. It's not batshit insane, and the characters actually carry it along nicely, well, most of them. X stands out to me as a properly executed rival type. He loves to race not for the money (his popularity earned him sponsors), but for the thrill of winning. He's a bit more fleshed out personality-wise than Speed Jr., who only exists to help move the plot along. Zile also stands out to me as a cool villain, one with a decent motive, and a three-dimensional personality while maintaining his status as the big bad. Apparently I'm not the only one who liked this guy, because on the show's wikipedia page, which is very generous in terms of info on the show and characters, he was a popular character who was written to be a future version of Captain Terror from the legacy Speed Racer cartoon, which itself would make sense, given that he's a villain to Speed Racer, and it's carried on to the next generation.

Animation
Beforehand, I talked about how Animation Collective made a market out of shows produced with Flash and Autodesk Maya, but I never talked about their animated efforts. These shows utilized those animation programs, while setting them against 3D backgrounds produced in Blender. The result looked awesome back then, and it still holds the same level of significance to me now.

One of the show's negative aspects (at least according to the idiots who still use IMDb) is that the show looks ugly and is nothing like the anime. Apparently the anime uses low-budget animation and looks like a slightly more fluid Clutch Cargo (the show is a series of still images with moving lips). Well, Speed Racer: Next Generation has stiff animation, anime-style poses (though not to the cringeworthy extend used in Teen Titans) and a reliance on plot. I'd say it's the kind of show that'd give boners to animation fans the same way free shit gives Bernie Sanders supporters empty Twinkies.

Actors
I mentioned this in my Wulin Warriors essay, but it bears repeating for convenience. This show utilizes actors from 4Kids Entertainment (since Schwartz contacts NYAV Post for actors.), and here it's the most apparent. Our lead is played by Kurt Csolak, an actor who went on to act in two independent short films between 2015 and 2017 and most recently surfaced as a production manager on another short film. Not doing too much these days. Though to be fair, that isn't a total loss since he gives a very barebones performance (he sounds like a younger version of Reed Richards from Fantastic Four: Worlds Greatest Heroes), though unlike one actress from another series I hope to cover someday, we know what he looks like. He also gives me a Dipper Pines vibe, since his voice is somewhat deeper than what the character is supposed to sound like going by his age. Then again, I see this as a stab at the animation community who want leads to be uber mature, uber serious robots.

On 4Kids alumni, we have a regular who worked on another one of Schwartz shows, Kappa Mikey, Michael Sinterniklaas, best known as the voice of Leonardo in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2003. Here, he lends his voice to not one, but two characters, albeit, identical twins. They're mostly comic relief. David Zen Mansley is another example, having provided the voice of Agent Bishop (and apparently a shit-ton of other characters in TMNT 2k3), Sean Schemmel, who plays a character near the end of the first season, Greg Abbey (best known as the second English actor for Tristan in You Gi Oh and Raphael in TMNT 2k3 and Michal Friedman (who I mentioned in my Wulin Warriors essay) in tragically her second to last role.

But it goes beyond a set of given actors, they got actors like Cindy Robinson (aka Amy Rose) since season 2, Yuri Lowenthal and they even got Speed Racer himself, Peter Fernandez to throw his hat into the ring. His death led to Greg Abbey entering the ring to take his place

Other details
A while back I made an essay deconstructing Avatar: The Last Airbender's worst aspects, and on one of them I mocked the show for revealing the focal point three episodes in, when given a show that's reliant on plot, it'd be more interesting to make the big reveal at the end of season one. Speed Racer's big reveal comes in at part two of the three-part opening episode. Does that make it worse? Well, not exactly. They found a way around it. You see, there were clues that guided new viewers to the conclusion, and they were super obvious, so if they set the reveal up for the end of the season, people'd be like "wow, took you a whole season to reveal something we picked up on overtime? Screw this."

Overall

Will I ever revisit the show again? Not quite. Given that it's a plot-centric show, I'd have to see the episodes in chronological order. I prefer more comedic or episodic shows since I could go into them at any time at any point, whereas with a show like Speed Racer: Next Generation, I wouldn't be able to get into one episode without seeing another to get brought up to speed (and those recaps don't do it for me too well). Do I recommend this show to anyone? Of course.

In fact, along with Skyland (for now), I'd call this one of the only plot-centered shows that haven't been ruined by bottomlessly stupid people. Teen Titans was ruined by obnoxious people who ironically give the show more publicity than the fans (Dahvie Vanity, I think you were onto something with the Haters Make Me Famous mantra), Avatar was ruined by pretentious fans who constantly whine about M. Night Shymalan (epic troll BTW), Steven Universe was doomed from the start, I have a love-hate attitude toward The Loud House and honestly I'm getting some bad vibes from the later episodes, and since Gravity Falls ended, it's safe to like it again. Speed Racer: Next Generation was a big success. According to TV Tropes it outlived other adaptations and even treated references to the legacy material with respect.

With this level of effort in terms of writing (and I'm scratching the surface here), if Wulin Warriors was a YouTube fan dub aired on television, then Speed Racer Next Generation would be a story on FanFiction.net adapted into a full series, and this is the best idea out of the two. To everyone, ignore the 4 star rating on IMDb. It's just whiny projection.

Unfortunately, the show isn't on YouTube, so you'll have to put up with Dailymotion instead: www.dailymotion.com/video/x66w…