Princess Natasha Review

I talked about Larry Schwartz last time, I talked about him a time or so before that, let's conclude with his first (and personal) worst offering. Princess Natasha.

Background

This was Larry Schwartz's first traceable cartoon. Or at the very least the first to bear his company branding. This series came out in 2003 and lasted until 2006, with forty four episodes spanning two seasons. It was originally available on AOL Kids (if you've been paying attention, that was Schwartz's prime destination for content.) Now normally I'd negate any strikes I'd have toward the series if it remained as an online property, but no. They really pushed this series, and for nothing clearly.

The show wound up on Cartoon Network (if you want some confirmation, it turned up in a RebelTaxi video where he mentioned Cartoon Network shows that people forgot about), a major network in the US so it's susceptible to the same rules as a TV show (since they treated it like one) (as well as on ABC Kids in Australia.) But there's more, it received a comic book (through DC of all people, but it's a bit more welcoming than any modern Marvel book (and for the record I'd hate those comics no matter what)), a series of six chapter books (with an instructional art book while I'm mentioning the merchandise) and a video game. If this sounds familiar to you, I did an essay on the show's video game. They really wanted to see this take off, and given that it has died a quiet death, along with the fact that fan art is scarce as hell (not even turning up on dA right from the word go), had it not been for Animation Collective's business model of using pre-sales to back their shows and a reliance on small budgets, this would've made somebody bankrupt.

Also, while I'm on the company credits, I'd like to address one company that perplexed me ever since I saw their brand at the end of Kappa Mikey. Kanonen and Bestreichen. Who're these guys? Well, if I had to guess, I'd say they helped provide Animation Collective's monetary assets and assisted in providing actors and other necessities. Given that Animation Collective relied on a small budget, the money had to come in from somewhere.

Plot
Scrappy-Doo and Tuffy (Nibbles to you Tom and Jerry fans) banged one time and somehow produced a child. They used their combined creators-pet powers to create a mildly less over-powered main character.

Okay, I'm over-doing it. But let me run by what this character is about. She's a princess, who's a secret agent too. I guess she was trained by her family on the off-chance she had to fend for herself, but that seems like a pretty tall order for a teenaged girl. She uses her accolades to make up for her lack of a personality, at least one that could be expressed properly.

The story is established in the fictional European nation of Zoravia, which if it were aired now, the conflict would be about how their current rulers won't allow above their size in migrants to flood the place. #Zorvexit. An unpopular ruler, Lubek (anagram for the Afghanistan capital, pointless trivia that isn't canonical to the show), seeks to take back his land by attacking the country from the US (I take it this lampoons the Iraq war. Yeah I'm too intelligent to make a Donald Trump joke. Seriously how do people not find those cringeworthy?) Natasha is chosen to fight against him (because teenaged girls are the prime choice for taking down a man with experience in the workings of a full nation, amirite?) and is forced to live undercover in Fountain Park.

Gee, given that we have a grand bulk of our shows set in California and New York, I wonder where Fountain Park is. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder I- It's Illinois. I didn't see that coming, as someone who's sick of the very state he's in right now it's refreshing to see new states get their time in the setting spotlight, even if it's Wisconsin's neckbeard, once ran by Barack Obummer. Natasha is aided by the token diversity quota Maya, a tribute to the software Animation Collective uses, probably, as well as an additional spy, Oleg. Better be careful Natasha, the moment you become queen people will claim you've colluded with Russia just by who you associate with or unconformable actions, isn't that right Tom Arnold?

The framework of nearly every episode is Lubek trying to carry out a plan and Natasha predictably stopping it every, single, time. I normally don't care about the heroes winning every time, but if this spans the entire series I'm going to bitch about it. Then I'll resume bitching about people bitching about Teen Titans Go and the newer Simpsons episodes. Princess Natasha isn't the most annoying to me in terms of that though. That honor goes to Atomic Betty (I watched the show as a kid, not obligated to like it now.)

Beyond that, the show is very hollow. It's a high school setting, so I kinda expect some relatable drama to be thrown in. I'm a sucker for that admittedly, sorta why I watched Degrassi whenever it was on (thank you conflicting copyright laws in Canada on the off-chance I want to see it again). This show has none of it, and when it does, it's simplified and plays second fiddle to the stop the badman schtick. No real continuity exists in the show, so if you've seen one episode, you don't have to see any more. Now before you says it, I know I said I prefer episodic shows, never said that had to include shows with repetitive plot-structures and seriously, some of the worst acting I've ever heard from actors who have chops.

Cast

The show's Wikipedia page claims that it contains three familiar actors, Wayne Grayson, Michael Sinterniklaas and Sean Schemmel. Skimming through the episode's end credits, I could see that the latter two are correct. I don't know what role Wayne Grayson played, since I pinpointed primary actors. But whatever the case it doesn't matter who voices who because their director is a lazy sack of shit. The direction is so half-hearted, that everyone sounds either wooden or lacking in damns to give.

Natasha's actress, Amy Casanova, is a mystery. When trying to find her on Google, the only IMDb page on her lists an entirely different production, a single credit mind you, and it was in the same year to further rub salt in the wound. The show has no IMDb page, so I can't follow any direct links, she has no Wikipedia article, let alone a stub that contains a small filmography, nada. I take it she was a personal friend to Schwartz, maybe an intern or something, whatever she was, acting wasn't too high on her priorities. She gives one of the weakest performances on the show, and I'm harping on her for that because she's the main character, i.e., someone with a constant presence in the show. Of course she would get more critical attention than the others.

Sean Schemmel and Michael Sinterniklass are great actors, even when forced to abide to the standards of their companies, but they suck just as well. Schemmel is usually the savior of an otherwise mediocre cartoon or dub he takes part in, sure his character (Oleg by the way) has one of the better deliveries in the cartoon, it's still far beneath what he's capable of. Interestingly, Schemmel played a Russian character in Speed Racer: The Next Generation. I haven't seen him up to that point, but I'd like to imagine he incorporated some of his performance for Oleg into that character, as if to say "LOOK LARRY, THIS IS WHAT I COULD DO IF YOU JUST LET ME GET BETTER DIRECTION!"

Michael Sinterniklaas play's Natasha's fake brother in her decoy family, and I barely recognize him. Steve Moverly is another under the radar actor, and I only recognize him because he also played Ozu in Kappa Mikey, a much better role with much better acting. Steve played an announcer in one episode of Princess Natasha. The only other actor I recognize is Tara Sands (or Tara Jaye), who had some roles in 4Kids dubs for YuGiOh Duel Monsters, Mew Mew Power and Shaman King, was on Phineas and Ferb, TMNT 2k3 and JoJo's Bizzare Adventure (and no that isn't a joke, it's listed on her credits on Wikipedia), hosted Cartoon Network's Fridays (not Cartoon Cartoon Fridays mind you) and a year before this, she lent her voice to the cult Adult Swim pilot Welcome to Eltingville. Interesting resume, and sadly, she gives a better delivery for her character (the popular archetype Kelly, who for the record also beats Atomic Betty in terms of the alpha bitch, and this is in part due to Kelly also being somewhat bland)

Animation

Okay, this is so out of character for me, but fuck, how could the animation make flash cartoons look so bad? This isn't about the frame rate (movement wise) or anything super-technical. The visual appeal is drab. Flat background, poor color pallet, and the characters alternate between lemon-shaped and circular eyes constantly. It's disorienting and since the former is the most used, the characters have an ugly vibe to them. The character movements range from stiff to as fluid as flash could be. I guess this was normal for early-2000s flash cartoons, and again, monetary operations, this was the best Animation Collective could do.

Another thing I'd like to address is the music and sounds. Songs are generic and tend to repeat often. The sound effects are stock, but what flash cartoon wouldn't have stock sound effects?

Overall

This show didn't stand the test of time too well. It looks like something that'd be found online. Hey, this debuted on AOL Kids, but the fact that they decided it was okay to air on a major network shows a great lack of common sense. Schwartz did contribute some shows to Cartoon Network long after this show. Ellen's Acres, a preschool cartoon that didn't even make it to Cartoon Network's Tickle-U block and enjoyed the same level of notability as the Land Before Time TV show (which yes, that fourteen-ology had in the late-2000s), as in none so much. Only notable thing about that series to me is that it's also not set in California, somewhat to the east of it actually, Tonopah, Nevada. As well as Wulin Warriors, which I already talked about and is already reviled, for about a few months before it became lost and now the only hate it gets are some mean comments left on episodes uploaded to YouTube.

Princess Natasha was an early step for Larry Schwartz, and it was a fairly bad one. The fact that they tried to push it with merchandise and network airings is a testament to how blind a market could be. Schwartz had nowhere to go but up at this point, and as history shows, he made it as far before piercing the high heavens.

As for this show... the video game was more interesting. Here's the one episode that introduced me to the show. If you aren't held back by the glorious-looking thumbnail, well... yeah.