Am I really gonna lose my mind on the logistics behind the tornadoes in some cheap TV movie? Probably not, because I'm not here to nitpick, I'm here to determine if something is at the very least enjoyable.
Background
Night of the Twisters was directed by Timothy Bond, a director who's primairly rooted in horror and science fiction, having directed for The Outer Limits, Goosebumps and The Lost World (not Jurassic Park, a solitary television series it was), the 80s revival of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, something called The Shadow Men and even had a hand in Friday the 13th... The Series.
But on Friday the 13th, it's astounding how many people can be traced to it. You know the director of Cyber Seduction? He directed the sixth installment of Friday the 13th. The guy who directed the fifth Silent Night Deadly Night movie? Wrote for three Friday the 13th Movies. The guy who voiced Link in that crappy Zelda cartoon? Appeared in Jason X, I'm not shitting you, just myself.
The production behind this movie is a tree of trivia, and since there's no other place to talk about it, suck it up and read on.
This was the very first film produced by Porchlight Entertainment, who you may know for producing Tutenstein and The Secret Saturdays, as well as those lesser known holiday specials you've seen on Cartoon Network in the mid-2000s.
Another producer I can name is Atlantis Communications, soon to be one-half in the now defunct Alliance Atlantis. Like Bond, they have their roots in science fiction and horror. They have produced the last season of the first revival of The Twilight Zone, they produced The Outer Limits (revival), Ray Bradbury Theater, some dark comedy I may cover one of these days but probably not, and the scariest one of all, Nickelodeon's Wild Side Show.
The film had remained in circulation on television until around 2004. I'd go into the actors, but I don't know them from anything but this movie. Well aside from one guy. This was apparently an early acting role for Dan Petronijevic, who you may know as Hitch from Moville Mysteries and (most definitely) Geoff from Total Drama. He also has roots in horror and sci-fi, appearing in Are You Afraid of the Dark and Goosebumps.
Apparently Ontario doesn't have a dedicated voice acting union, as many voice actors from there have also appeared in some live-action roles.
But anyways, the movie
Night of the Twisters is loosely (shocked) based on the book of the same name by Ivy Ruckman, based on the 1980 Grand Island tornado outbreak, which the book itself is loosely based on. The film takes place in... Blainsworth? I'm not gonna question the ethics on using a fictional name, but come on, you already got the title of a book based on real events, least you could do is commit.
To be fair, they didn't actually shoot this in Nebraska, so they had to make up a town to fit the area they're in. You're probably expecting this to be shot in Vancouver, but instead, this was shot in Ontario, namely Kleinburg. Ontario is like Canada's equivalent to New York, and it's so nice even they can be sick of the concept.
Starting off, I like how they get right into what we're here for. Foreward, I'm no expert on meteorology, I had a friend of mine voice heavy criticism on the logistics of the tornadoes in this, but it's on a journal I posted I can't find these days. I won't comment on how the tornadoes are portrayed here because I have no knowledge on them, I just wanna see if this is at least a decent experience otherwise.
At the very least we start with what we came for, the storm, I'm not gonna get too wrapped up about the progression here, but for our first taste of the special effects, I've seen Demon Island, I'm numb to bad effects at this point. I'm more bothered by how a child's gift to her mother is blown away and they don't care about it. I mean that could just be me.
And yeah the acting isn't that good so far, shocker of the century.
We then get to our lead, participating in blase bike race, but then again I'm the same guy who champions for fake video game scenes to not make it seem like the game is more exciting than it actually is. We meet our lead... Dan, who manages to stick a nice burn on a bully, but it's not a fair match as his insult is plain at best.
Is it a bike race or a marathon, who cares, it's not imperative to the plot I'm sure. For anyone citing nostalgic yearning for riding your bike, the only thing stopping you is yourself and the weather, you can keep distance from others (end que social distancing reference)
We then meet the dad, who I'm willing to bet is one of those "I'm a jackass but I still love my son, I guess." types. I should know, I have one. Let's see, turns down logic because of an unchecked ego, runs a small business and considers that like it has meaning, and likes football.
I say that like it's a bad thing because during a football toss, Dan has to cut out of the way and crashes his bike, wrecking it, then we get clunky foreshadowing... nearly a minute after the fact.
Dan's basically an angsty fuck, but if his father is as bad as I think he is, an ass breeds an ass. I do like how he turns down a share of licked ice cream though, and not to mention, mind over matter, don't let blue collar assholes dull your minds. On the topic, I get it, we need a firm push if we wanna accomplish anything, but a lighter push can hold greater benefits, a harsh criticism can have an equal impact if delivered softly, because we feel like we're just in a gentle conversation and we can process the meat of it, rather than just see it as an asshole shitting out their mouth.
I say this because Dan was merely competing in a charity race, no money would be at stake for him.
We see a yankee in a cowboy hat, I'd question if this was too far north for that to be possible, but I imagine this would fly better in Montana, Wyoming, even some parts of Colorado and Oregon which I'd call the wild east.
Meanwhile, the dad's esteem senses are tingling and he goes to lightly chide Dan. Now sure, he has a point that if you're not entirely out you should keep going, but the front tire was damaged, he couldn't ride it if he wanted to.
To be fair, the anger came from escalation, but it's down to the root. Does he care more about his son or what the son can do? We'd be so focused on trying to please our fathers we lose sight of what we wanna do in life, because our fathers would question us every step of the way. He seems like the kind of person who'd make his son crawl to the finish line if he snapped his leg.
One nice thing, he at least musters a thank you, foreshadowing for a greater character conflict. There's more to the dynamic, but I'll get to it later.
By some twist of faith, Dan wins a new bike per a charity raffle, but to be fair other names were lost in the wind, well good on him, he at least deserves some semblance of a reward. Fair warning, I may be going deeper into the dynamic between Dan and Jack (the dad), because I can associate key comparisons between us and them. This won't hold an impact on my consensus on the film, just some occasional venting, I work the hours, I get paid, this is my page I can complain like a pussy ass bitch all I want, fuck you.
Dan and his friend go to the park for some nondescript reason, I'd say it's for cloud watching but it was just used as an excuse for a stab at Dan. Something tells me they're here to breed one uncomfortable conversation with Jack, come on it's clearly romantic tension, best friends don't argue like they do here, I mean maybe they do, but they don't get physical.
This was just to make things awkward when girls show up, then a conversation that'd hold no ground to plot relevance because tornadoes don't work well for singular plot points, and yes, tornadoes and twisters are the same thing if you're questioning my refusal to use the term to go with the movie.
The girl is bipolar, based on her refusal to go with Dan, but she would if he had a better ride and the way she drags it on... totally doesn't give me the idea she's setting up a potential spark. Oh by the way, the reason the boys were there was to set up a prank. This was only the first time the network it aired on strayed from its Christian roots, so things would go sacrilegious if they had it my crazy way.
For the record, the film gives me little to go off of at this point. It feels jumbled in establishing things. It seems like they're just predicting a storm, even though we've seen tornadoes ripping through farm houses up to this point. Is this just foreshadowing? Or am I just too focused on an opportunity to pour my soul out?
This is a point against the film for the record, as in there's little I can say about it at this point, and I'm just waiting for things to truly pick up. All I can say now is that we found the Canadian equivalent to John C. Riley.
Where things pick up is when Dan get scolded by Jack, but not that much, though we do get some passive aggressiveness. Angsty teens exist for a reason, that's all I'll say for now, along with the fact we get an implication of an ongoing chain of passive aggressiveness.
You know how old women say they can determine bad weather by how their bones feel? Take a wild guess what I'm trying to say.
Then we get more unintentional romantic tension between Dan and his friend. I'm getting Ryan Swayze and ItsYeBoi vibes from these too, minus white privelage stabs, and I won't link either channel, I want you all to see for yourselves.
Just to let you know, we're 21 minutes into the movie, no prior opening logos, the copy I have access to is so. I mean we still have an hour and ten minutes left, but when you've already shown us the tornadoes, our attention is already snapping by the thread, at this point it's a matter of whether or not you'd be scared off by the cheap effects.
But, did you know Dan's an artist? I have a feeling Jack considers this to be vile, he seems to have it in him, he likes football. But yeah he doesn't like it, shock of the century. I'm in favor of keeping kids in line, but don't deny them their aspirations. If they strive to be like their fathers, most of the time it's a ticking time bomb and you'd be doing something you don't necessarily like, but the father has too much pride to see otherwise.
There's a reason pride is one of the seven deadly sins.
Anyway, back to useless irl comparisons, Dan feels like his father was disappointed over the race, and his mother surprisingly reaffirms his suspicions. For me, my father sees the negative in everything, and I try to see it as him putting me in the right direction, but the way he goes about it makes it hard for me to see the merit in it. It's to the point even my own mother and sister agree with me when he goes too far, but they want me to persist so I have an immediate option for work once I'm out on my own.
But let's get the elephant out of the room, this is cliche father son drama through and through. We were still in the mid-90s at this point, though this still technically has more staying power than Saved by the Bell, even just thinking about it. I'm not bugged by it because I can sympathize with it.
I reiterate, the only things interesting beyond the tornadoes is the dynamic between Jack and Dan, because I resonate. This is about how he's pushing Dan to be a man. On where it hits with me, it feels like my dad is expecting me to know every little thing to do work wise, but he's with me. I ironically can work well without him, but this is in a field I'm not entirely comfortable taking on my own.
Point is, I wanna feel ready, but if you're gonna be around at least give me something to rely on. There's a point to the shit I feel I go through, but it's muddled, especially when gratitude is left to you, not given. Want a reward for your struggles? Make it yourself.
And yes we're back to a whole lot of nothing. The dialog is surprisingly bland, especially for a movie like this. Worst part is is that fits with the film's genre, so it's down to interest, and it's slowly fading away. I'm just expecting them to be surprised killed by the tornado, that's what the set-up feels like, but we don't get that.
Is it time for another cliche? How about when Dan feels like he's second rate compared to a newborn? Through his own fault, he breaks a chair and the acting takes a nosedive, to Off-Beats and Sabrina: The Animated Series levels of wooden. For some perspective, Longshot was basically a money job, but even their young actors were able to do better performances.
For the record, we're not even a half-hour into this movie yet. For fuck's sake throw a rock through a window! I think cheap tornado affects would be the least of the movie's problems. This is further compounded by discussions on past tornado storms, which would be fine... if you never heard of tornadoes before, or just missed the first act.
I wish Left Behind: The Movie was available for free, I think I'd enjoy that more than this movie, can't be any more boring than this.
For perspective, any time away from tornadoes is put toward establishing the characters, which proves to be said and done within minutes, and establishment can even be done as late as the climax. It gives me nothing to look forward to, I lose focus on a lot of the details because they're hardly imperative to the plot, and the tornadoes to this point were relegated to earlier scenes, not even involving the mains.
All I got was father son issues I can kinda relate to, and a gay boy stuck in conservative Nebraska.
But then, 32 minutes into the movie, we get a tornado warning, plus a contrast between real life and in the movie. Dan knows the protocol in harsh weather, unplugging appliances and in stating so, didn't get an attitude. My dad'd take that as an open invitation.
At this point we get some mild suspense where key family members are out in the storm, emphasis on mild. You could say this movie represents how people would ordinarily handle a tornado situation, okay I see your intent, but it seems minimal at best, is protocol why they open their windows during a windstorm? I mean I get unplugging appliances but... you know what I'm probably wrong, perhaps the air going through the houses means that the tornado can't pick up the house, but we see it ripping through them in this movie, somebody's wrong here.
But then, eye of the storm, I mean I guess. I'd love to see sentient tornadoes murder people, it's stupid but that's good shit to me.
The progression feels forced, idiocy and contrivance are the only things pushing the story along. On idiocy, apparently when a tornado rips by your house it's like it's cursed. They're surprisingly decent compared to the tornado itself, but it'd work so much better in a different movie. You'd think you'd get a clearer idea on any inaccuracies in this, but all we get is the wrong color was used for the tornado and that this aired in Germany... several times.
I will say that as someone who works with sewers, water doesn't escape through the chimney, it escapes through a fresh air vent that's on the side of the house, and it likely wouldn't suck the water down the toilet. I will say at some point we got a point against opening the windows, it low-key ripped off regardless.
How many liberties did this movie take?
I have a gut feeling this was meant to be a half hour long, why else would they be stretching for so long? I hardly care about the characters, in the event of a tornado suspense is slim and even then so little happens.
In fact, it's so boring I cut out around the 49 minute mark. I only had 41 minutes left, so let me run by what I missed.
That twist I alluded to? Jack is actually Dan's stepfather. Holy mother of wow, I am not surprised they took this route. People seem to ignore how even biological parents can be assholes. The point to this was them having to find common ground, ordinarily I'd say both'd have to make sacrifices, but logic is nobody's friend.
All else that happens is that they survive the tornado and a footnote about a relative dying a year after the event.
Overall
I think bad special effects should be the least of anyone's problems in any movie. Demon Island had bad CG, but it was a far more enjoyable experience, this is just boring, and this is worsened by the fact that I felt bored during the more action-oriented scenes.
The most fun I had was pouring my soul out with my issues with my father, but as it went on I just wrote Dan off as an angsty 90s kid, and I consider Jack to be a douche at best. That's all I picked up from this entire movie, and I guess I just watched it for proof that I'm not just some pussy, though this may bite me in the ass soon enough.
Eh, fuck it, I'm going back to direct-to-video movies nobody gives a crap about.
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